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Original poster

Please help me decide ceremony time I'm having a complete mare

159 replies

tornbride1 · 29/07/2024 23:32

Wedding is on a Sunday in August. We wanted the ceremony at 2pm but it isn't available and we can't change the date.

Can choose between 12pm and 4pm.

Having 30 day guests and 40 evening guests. Definitely can't afford to have everyone as a day guest.

Here are the venues suggested timings and neither is ideal and it's really bothering me. Help me decide please

12pm Ceremony Timings

11am Guests to start arriving
12pm Ceremony
12:30pm Drinks Reception, Canapes & Photos
2pm Call through to Marquee / Guests take seats
2:15pm Wedding Breakfast and optional speeches before/after
7pm Evening reception / evening guests to arrive (if any)
8pm Evening food

4pm Ceremony Timings

3pm Guests to start arriving
4pm Ceremony
4:30pm Drinks Reception, Canapes & Photos
6pm Call through to Marquee / Guests take seats
6:15pm Wedding Breakfast and optional speeches before/after
8:30pm Evening reception / evening guests to arrive (if any)
10pm Evening food

OP posts:
CheeseWisely · 30/07/2024 01:00

@theduchessofspork And so would I if the wedding were on a Saturday, but assuming I lived & worked locally I wouldn't be taking the Monday off work for a Sunday wedding so I'd be making tracks around 11 anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Garlickest · 30/07/2024 01:20

@Ourhealth, everyone should just ask an AI chatbot and be done with it 😂

Priggishsausagebore · 30/07/2024 08:03

tornbride1 · 30/07/2024 00:00

I reckon this is the way to go and similar to what I was thinking. Something like this:

11:30 Guests to start arriving
12pm Ceremony
12:30pm Drinks Reception, Canapes & Photos
2pm Call through to Marquee / Guests take seats
2:15pm Wedding Breakfast and optional speeches before/after
5:30pm Evening reception / evening guests to arrive
8pm Evening food

The venues suggestion of a 5 hour slot for the meal and speeches makes 0 sense to me!

Show quote history

What type of reception are you having? 5.30 seems very early to be starting a disco or band, and I think people will just leave after the food as they will have been there over three hours by that point (as evening guests). Would you be ok with that?

I don't really get previous comments that 8.30 is late for an evening reception, that's standard going out for the evening time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Blisterly · 30/07/2024 08:13

Definitely 1600. Gives people time to get ready and travel in the morning. Early weddings are such a long day.

As it’s a very small day wedding group, you’ll be done eating in an hour easily.

You are doubling your guests with the evening do so why don’t you do the speeches in the evening when the guests arrive?

1600 get married (few photos after)
1700 eat
1830 guests arrive, do speeches and photos with everyone and save the welcome drink for then
2030 buffet

Soontobe60 · 30/07/2024 08:20

What’s the reason for the times you’ve been offered? Surely if you’ve booked the venue you can have any time you want?
Id actually go for the later time, invite all 40 guests to the whole thing and try to negotiate on price with the venue - only having one meal will reduce the cost but will also reduce the staffing costs for the venue as they won’t need catering staff later on. I’ve yet to go to an evening wedding and have a decent food offering! It’s usually cold bacon butties or dried up sarnies!!!

edit: sorry, just realised there’s a further 40 in the evening!!!

cerealfantasist · 30/07/2024 08:28

What would you have wanted your ideal timings to look like, if that registrar had been available? Could you write them out and just see whether it's feasible to shift everything exactly two hours forward to start at 12 noon instead?

paintedpumpkins · 30/07/2024 08:29

Soontobe60 · 30/07/2024 08:20

What’s the reason for the times you’ve been offered? Surely if you’ve booked the venue you can have any time you want?
Id actually go for the later time, invite all 40 guests to the whole thing and try to negotiate on price with the venue - only having one meal will reduce the cost but will also reduce the staffing costs for the venue as they won’t need catering staff later on. I’ve yet to go to an evening wedding and have a decent food offering! It’s usually cold bacon butties or dried up sarnies!!!

edit: sorry, just realised there’s a further 40 in the evening!!!

Edited

Presumably the time issue is when the registrar is available.

Crunchymum · 30/07/2024 08:32

Assuming this is August 2025 and not next month?

Any wriggle room on the date? A 4pm Sunday wedding isn't ideal but the Midday wedding seems so long.

singularsensation · 30/07/2024 08:36

4 pm all the way. I hate those all day all night hanging about weddings. 4pm is so much nicer for your guests.

confusedlots · 30/07/2024 08:38

We didn't do evening food at all, and I think our ceremony was at 1pm. Your day guests definitely won't eat evening food with the later timings and can't see your evening guests eating much at 10pm as they'll most likely have eaten before they come.

The day flies by and I would go for the earlier timings. Move the wedding breakfast to 3pm and keep the evening food around 8pm so it's more likely to actually get eaten.

Can you think of a few things to keep your guests entertained in the afternoon? We had giant garden games - jenga, connect 4 etc, which went down really well. Or maybe a photo booth. I guess you're not having many children with your numbers but I had a friend who had a children's entertainer for half an hour in the afternoon which everyone loved.

User364837 · 30/07/2024 08:41

If it’s over a year away can’t you change venue? It’s rubbish that the 2pm slot isn’t available (or are you having ceremony somewhere separate?)
jusy seems like you’re not quite getting what you want.

or change reception venue to somewhere less pricey that will do more casual food for everyone

User364837 · 30/07/2024 08:42

Out of the options you’d posted and if separate evening guests are a must then I’d go with the earlier option and have evening guests come earlier

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/07/2024 08:45

confusedlots · 30/07/2024 08:38

We didn't do evening food at all, and I think our ceremony was at 1pm. Your day guests definitely won't eat evening food with the later timings and can't see your evening guests eating much at 10pm as they'll most likely have eaten before they come.

The day flies by and I would go for the earlier timings. Move the wedding breakfast to 3pm and keep the evening food around 8pm so it's more likely to actually get eaten.

Can you think of a few things to keep your guests entertained in the afternoon? We had giant garden games - jenga, connect 4 etc, which went down really well. Or maybe a photo booth. I guess you're not having many children with your numbers but I had a friend who had a children's entertainer for half an hour in the afternoon which everyone loved.

Maybe it flies by for the bride but believe me it DRAGS for the guests. Most of us have lives and don't want to stand around on a precious weekend playing lawn games to kill time.

A few hours is plenty. Most guests would be relieved with a 4-8pm event. Those who want to continue partying can move on to a pub or club.

Duckies · 30/07/2024 08:45

I am guessing you are spending quite a lot of money on this so make sure you get what you want in terms of your guests having a nice time.

Definitely not 12pm. I would suggest totally going back to the drawing board in terms of venue (or be prepared to, to get a more flexible food option from them).

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 30/07/2024 08:47

If you pick 12pm with evening guests arriving at 5 your wedding will be over by 9pm. Personally that would be fine for me but depends what your expectations are. Very few people will stay past then if they've been there since 11. Inviting evening guests to a do that starts at 5 is a bit odd and will cost you a fortune as you'll be feeding 70 people an evening meal rather than light snacks which it would be if your meal was at 5pm. Have you considered the amount of food you'll need to agree for those timings? It will need to be enough for a meal.

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 30/07/2024 08:49

confusedlots · 30/07/2024 08:38

We didn't do evening food at all, and I think our ceremony was at 1pm. Your day guests definitely won't eat evening food with the later timings and can't see your evening guests eating much at 10pm as they'll most likely have eaten before they come.

The day flies by and I would go for the earlier timings. Move the wedding breakfast to 3pm and keep the evening food around 8pm so it's more likely to actually get eaten.

Can you think of a few things to keep your guests entertained in the afternoon? We had giant garden games - jenga, connect 4 etc, which went down really well. Or maybe a photo booth. I guess you're not having many children with your numbers but I had a friend who had a children's entertainer for half an hour in the afternoon which everyone loved.

No evening food? Did all your guests leave early? That sounds awful for guests and pretty selfish. The day only flies by for the bride and groom, not everyone else.

ClothDish · 30/07/2024 08:50

4 pm and the money you save on no afternoon canapés etc just have full guests only no day/evening divide (reduce total numbers if necessary) - buffet idea sounds good.

Greytulips · 30/07/2024 08:52

No evening food? Did all your guests leave early? That sounds awful for guests and pretty selfish. The day only flies by for the bride and groom, not everyone else.

Who eats at 10pm? If you’ve had dinner at 6 then it’s just greedy and eating for the sake of it.

It also spoils the party vibe when everyone sits down to fill their faces.

FrazzledHippy · 30/07/2024 08:53

We got married on a Sunday OP.

Guests arrived from 2, ceremony kicked off about 3.30, we had a buffet which was started from 6 and ran until 8 - they just refilled what was empty during that time. We had our first dance about 7.30 and then cut the cake - or maybe it was the other way round, the venue staff put the cake cut up on the buffet when the hot food was gone. The evening guests arrived around 6.30 and we were all done and dusted and partied out about midnight 😁

Cut out the two meals, it will make your life alot easier

Also, don't worry about your evening guests not coming, all of ours turned up - although there was only about 15 of them as we had a really small wedding. People have had enough time to book a half day or take a days annual leave etc and if they can't, sod it! It thr scheme of things it doesn't matter

ghostbusters · 30/07/2024 08:56

We got married at 4pm in August a few years ago. Ceremony then photos then speeches then cut the cake then through for a sit down dinner at 6pm.

We had an extra 30 evening guests who were due to arrive at 7.30pm. I think we were running half an hour behind but then we could mingle with day and evening guests while they turned the room round for the evening. We had sandwiches and wedding cake about 9.30pm as the ceilidh band needed a break.

We chose 4pm as having been to quite a few weddings with earlier start times the day is such a drag. I didn't want that for our guests. And our friends like a drink so they would have all been smashed by food time with a long, boring afternoon.

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 30/07/2024 08:58

Greytulips · 30/07/2024 08:52

No evening food? Did all your guests leave early? That sounds awful for guests and pretty selfish. The day only flies by for the bride and groom, not everyone else.

Who eats at 10pm? If you’ve had dinner at 6 then it’s just greedy and eating for the sake of it.

It also spoils the party vibe when everyone sits down to fill their faces.

We didn't do evening food at all, and I think our ceremony was at 1pm.

maybe read the post I was replying to? This is what she said. No dinner at 6.

garlictwist · 30/07/2024 09:00

11am is far too early for a wedding to start. People will have lost the will to live by the evening. I'm also getting married in august. We picked the latest possible ceremony time (3.30pm) so people don't have to hang round so much.

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/07/2024 09:10

ClothDish · 30/07/2024 08:50

4 pm and the money you save on no afternoon canapés etc just have full guests only no day/evening divide (reduce total numbers if necessary) - buffet idea sounds good.

This. I find evening-only invitations to be so insulting. Have the later start and treat all guests as equal.

notatinydancer · 30/07/2024 09:18

I went to a midday wedding it was painful waiting round all day for the evening.
I went up to my room for a nap n

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 30/07/2024 09:18

I really don't want to piss on your chips but I think you've got the whole thing topsy turkey... you have more evening guests than day guests so I think the idea of a 'traditional' format is like pouring a pint into a half pint glass - because no matter how you cut it, you're planning for the minority rather than the majority.

Also (I am sorry, I'm not trying to be mean) my DSD got married on a Sunday and fully half of her evening guests didn't show, she was devastated (and we were fuming having paid for a large chunk of it).

For a Sunday, having a more relaxed day without segregating the guests is pretty much the only way to go so that means talking to your venue about how creative they can be - a pp is right, you are currently talking about a meal for 30 plus a smaller meal for 40, when actually you could do a more casual meal for 70.

The other thing I thought was does it have to be a registrar, have you thought about a humanist celebrant?