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Original poster

Is junior footy this brutal everywhere? :(

107 replies

Jfcsucks · 28/07/2024 07:54

DS 12 been in a junior footy club for 2 years.

Started off so well, then I dunno what went wrong, the others seems to progress v. quickly and he's stalled and he gets way less time on the pitch now, like a token 5 mins every other game if that 😔

Last weekend there was a tournament, just a friendly thing pitched as a fun day out, all day. Cost £20 to enter, 20 mins a game from 10am - 5pm. Think they had 10 games lined up. He got a total of 5 minutes play first game out of 4 other subs who were all swapped on/off while he sat there.

He came home and was curled up in a ball watching football technique videos all night hardly saying a word. He didn't eat. He was so low.

This feels like the straw/camel to me and I'm starting to hope he just Jack's it in because I can see its really upsetting him. He loves footy, the others are better, but he has his strengths and I feel coach is just focusing on the better ones and not helping DS improve by giving him opportunities.

I genuinely thought it was just a bit of fun? I've heard from other mums their JFC coach always makes sure even the mediocre ones get to play, part of the team, considering the parents pay subs etc. etc, but our coach seems to think he's Alex Ferguson and it's the prem, not a bunch of young children.

Is it this brutal? What do I do? No chance of finding another club now. And he has made some lovely friendships. He wouldn't want to leave but I'm wondering if he should for his mental health, I can see it's really getting him down 😔 or does he carry on just to join in with the training etc?

OP posts:
Newnamesameoldlurker · 28/07/2024 07:55

Oh your poor son; this is so sad 😞 have you spoken to the coach? I know noone wants to be 'that' parent but I'd have to have a word in your shoes!

Shadow1986 · 28/07/2024 08:04

I think if he’s only getting 5 mins a game you are well within your right to question it and find out their thoughts. It could be that they’ve signed too many players meaning they have too many subs. In which case they could do a rotation so they don’t have so many players for every game.
does his football club have other teams? My sons club has about 4 teams for their age range so occasionally some move up/down. It can be very brutal.
To start off I would definitely speak to the coaches, it might make all the difference - but if nothing changes then I would keep him there training until you find him a new club.

Ineffable23 · 28/07/2024 08:05

Maybe you could find him another place to play? That doesn't sound like it's good for him at all.

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Ifailed · 28/07/2024 08:06

I know a youth football coach, he's told me in the past that they will give everyone a go, but where it's obvious a child has little ability/interest he hopes they drop out naturally. As he points out, he has a duty to the other children and after two years most will have moved on a lot. How long would you expect a team to carry a passenger who is potentially holding everyone back?

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 28/07/2024 08:10

This is why mine do rugby and not football because everything I’ve heard about junior football sounds awful.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 28/07/2024 08:12

If he's not enjoying it and comes home feeling so upset he can't eat, I think you have a responsibility as a parent to do the right thing and withdraw him.

Marblessolveeverything · 28/07/2024 08:13

At 12 most teams would be serious and if he isn't at the same standard he won't get pitch time. It doesn't matter what's fair because it isn't going to change quickly. There are kids prepping for academies etc so competitive and brutal is what it is.

Is there a lower league?

Original poster
Jfcsucks · 28/07/2024 08:14

Think I might speak to the coach. Didn't want to if I'd look like a berk and this is just how it is but I guess I could do with a chat so I can help manage DS expectations 😔

Will see about other clubs. Snd yes There are a few other teams I just assumed it would be too late for next season.

There is a suspicion from school thst he has a form of dyslexia, not the reading kind though they mentioned information processing? So might be connected? They did some tests and just said yep, moderate 'risk' but then just said you're on your own, nothing we can do now until it's confirmed. £600 for an assessment 😫

OP posts:
Limer · 28/07/2024 08:17

Football's not his thing - maybe time for him to change to another sport? Or do something like Scouts/cadets?

My eldest DS was the same, just completely useless kicking a ball. He joined a junior cricket team instead and still plays now in his 30s.

Original poster
Jfcsucks · 28/07/2024 08:19

Have been thinking about some 1 2 1 coaching too, thought that might help his confidence and a bit of fun for him, and better chance of finding out if it is just a skill needs to improve thing, or if he's just not getting it thing.

Anyone think that might be worth a try?

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 28/07/2024 08:22

How will he feel if you invest money into coaching and improving his game and he still doesn't get any pitch time?

CherryBlossomFestival · 28/07/2024 08:23

There are clubs that give everyone equal game time (my dd is in one) even once they’re secondary school age. It’s about club ethos.

She’s in a club that prioritises engagement and participation over winning. Which can be frustrating for the better players and some leave each year for more competitive clubs, but it does mean that shy or new to football or less physically adept girls all get a chance to be on a team, with all the benefits that brings. I think you need to ask around for a club like that for your son.

I would also ignore the ‘it’s a competition, of course the best play’ comments. Some teams are like that, and it’s right for some DC (and for parents for whom winning is important). But it’s not true across the board.

Original poster
Jfcsucks · 28/07/2024 08:24

Thing is, he is good at some things! He's rapid, no ones faster on the pitch than him, he will run for hours if he could. Can see the others wheezing and he just keeps going. And in the garden I see him using his array of footy stuff, dribbling, kicking it against the fence and 'catching' it perfectly with his foot etc. It's just on the pitch...... its like it doesn't click together.

So yea probably in a lower league he'd be one of the better ones....feels like a race against time to get him in there before he really gets low

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 28/07/2024 08:26

I'd be trying to help him move on - either to another club that's more about taking part and inclusivity, or to another activity.

At the moment you are effectively paying for your son to be miserable.

Kids football is brutal and the dropout is very high.

myladyjane · 28/07/2024 08:26

My daughter is a bit older and has been playing for about 5 years now. She is one of the better players but her coach has a nightmare trying to balance it all out. The older they get the more the more competitive it gets and the more focused n winning. Some of dds friends have dropped out precisely because they weren't getting any more than a few minutes of game play.

Our coach even dropped the subs for the 'b' team players which sounds great but is a big flashing sign to them that they weren't good enough and caused a lot of hurt and upset. The coach is lovely and hated this but then the girls were getting cricket score drubbings if he tried to play everyone and that upset them too.

Is there another sport your son likes? Could you gently encourage him in a different direction? I fear that as he gets older this is just going to get more acute if I looked at my daughters teams path. I know it's just meant to be fun and it sucks but I think that isn't the reality unfortunately.

Original poster
Jfcsucks · 28/07/2024 08:26

sunsetsandboardwalks · 28/07/2024 08:22

How will he feel if you invest money into coaching and improving his game and he still doesn't get any pitch time?

I wouldn't mind at all if it might make him feel a bit better that we're doing something that could help. Feels like it's worth a try?

OP posts:
wastingtimeonhere · 28/07/2024 08:27

I would ask for a refund on subs. If he pays the same, he should get equal opportunity. Too many grassroots coaches think they are going to manage Man utd! If a club pays you, they call the shots. If you pay them, you have a right to play. It's endemic in grassroots football as people put up with it!

AnnaMagnani · 28/07/2024 08:27

If he's fast but can't put all the skills together, would he not be better doing something that purely values being fast - such as athletics?

sunsetsandboardwalks · 28/07/2024 08:27

If he's super fit and could run for hours could you not consider moving him to a totally different activity and just leave football for something he does with his mates down the park?

sunsetsandboardwalks · 28/07/2024 08:28

@Jfcsucks I asked how he would feel though, not you. I imagine if I was a kid and my parents paid for private coaching and I still wasn't good enough, I'd feel pretty awful.

RubyGemStone · 28/07/2024 08:28

By 12 it does tend to get more serious and competitive, especially as most of them have been playing for a while.

I'd consider moving him but also trying other sports. Football is a great way to make friends in the area, often outside of school.

Surroundyourselfwiththerightpeople · 28/07/2024 08:28

Do look for another team where the standard is lower, play in lower divisions etc We went through this and it’s very tough. Probably waited a year too long because my son didn’t want to leave his friends. In the end he had a great 4 years at a new club before uni and at 27 still plays football now for a Sunday team.

Original poster
Jfcsucks · 28/07/2024 08:33

sunsetsandboardwalks · 28/07/2024 08:28

@Jfcsucks I asked how he would feel though, not you. I imagine if I was a kid and my parents paid for private coaching and I still wasn't good enough, I'd feel pretty awful.

Oh sorry mis read!

Ah he knows he wouldn't have to worry about that with us ☺️ and I'd pitch it to him very much as a "would you fancy a bit of 1 2 1 time with another coach so you can do even more kicking about" type thing. If he likes it, even if the coach says he's not good at all, if he's happy to carry on, and coach happy to take our money, then fine as long as DS happy.

OP posts:
Tralalaka · 28/07/2024 08:36

I think you need to find a lower performing team for him. In my experience once they hit secondary they take football really seriously, not just as a bit of fun with their mates and they’re brutal if they think there are people on the team who aren’t as good. It tends to peter off a bit mid year 10 and 11 when a lot of them start to take it less seriously again.

You do need a team where they are on a similar level to the other players or it’s just miserable

I’ve just come to the end of about 15 years of Sunday league grassroots football with my kids and honestly, if he wants to play just ask around as much as possible and get him into a club with players his level. We can say all we want about how the coach’s and other kids should give people a chance and that’s true. However the reality is that at secondary they want to win and the other players and coaches will do what they can to facilitate that and they don’t want weaker players holding them back

Rowgtfc72 · 28/07/2024 08:36

Have you thought abut karate? Dds done it since 7. She's just got her black belt age 17.
It's a solo sport but also a team sport, so your ds could go go at his own pace but still have the fun of group competitions.
The comps dd goes to are run by a lovely bunch of people who ensure every kid goes home with a medal or two.
We've watched kids whizz through the belts, dd hasn't, but she's had fun and achieved something.