Is junior footy this brutal everywhere? :(

[Jfcsucks]

DS 12 been in a junior footy club for 2 years.

Started off so well, then I dunno what went wrong, the others seems to progress v. quickly and he's stalled and he gets way less time on the pitch now, like a token 5 mins every other game if that 😔

Last weekend there was a tournament, just a friendly thing pitched as a fun day out, all day. Cost £20 to enter, 20 mins a game from 10am - 5pm. Think they had 10 games lined up. He got a total of 5 minutes play first game out of 4 other subs who were all swapped on/off while he sat there.

He came home and was curled up in a ball watching football technique videos all night hardly saying a word. He didn't eat. He was so low.

This feels like the straw/camel to me and I'm starting to hope he just Jack's it in because I can see its really upsetting him. He loves footy, the others are better, but he has his strengths and I feel coach is just focusing on the better ones and not helping DS improve by giving him opportunities.

I genuinely thought it was just a bit of fun? I've heard from other mums their JFC coach always makes sure even the mediocre ones get to play, part of the team, considering the parents pay subs etc. etc, but our coach seems to think he's Alex Ferguson and it's the prem, not a bunch of young children.

Is it this brutal? What do I do? No chance of finding another club now. And he has made some lovely friendships. He wouldn't want to leave but I'm wondering if he should for his mental health, I can see it's really getting him down 😔 or does he carry on just to join in with the training etc?

Total waste of money. You just need to find him a different team. I coached a team for 12 years, and in a game that would last say an hour, players would play at least 40 minutes.

It's something about the training is done by an external company they have a contract with so the coach can't get involved? I thought it was weird. He used to do his own extra training but he can't do it very often now so it is a bit odd. One coach training them in a way they have no idea fits with what the actual coach wants seems confusing to everyone.

If he likes running, what about orienteering?

Most clubs really focus on their youth squads. A good team atmosphere.

I know nothing about junior football.

However if school think he might have processing issues, I wonder whether it isn't skills but 'game play' that is the issue? ie He doesn't react fast enough to how the game is progressing so isn't getting to the right place at the right time, or noticing passing opportunities etc?

If that is the case then switching to something like athletics as a pp suggested may negate those issues and focus on his strengths of speed and agility more?

I'd add another vote for rugby. The clubs my kids play for and play against are generally so much nicer. Everyone gets subbed in and the parents etc are far more supportive. We clap the other team when they score a try for example.
The odd time there's a super competitive club but so many of the grass roots ones are just great and the boys really bond into a good team spirit.
It's not as violent/dangerous as people fear as they are super strict on what each age group can do. It's not full contact until 17 years.
Worth a try if he enjoys the team element. Hockey may be another to consider if he's fast and has good hand eye coordination.

Football I've heard is just brutal

I have two sons, both grown up now and this is exactly what junior football is like. Men trying to live out their dreams through children. DS1 was one of the youngest in his team, short and slight. Not a brilliant footballer but not the worst either. He was usually the substitute, but one winter day he didn't get on the pitch at all. He stood on the sideline in the pouring rain, shivering for the entire game.

I tried to talk to the manager about his treatment and he told me that it was a punishment for not coming to practice that week. When I pointed out that my husband had needed the car for work and I would have had to walk 3 miles each way in the dark down an unlit road with no pavement with a baby and a toddler, he shrugged his shoulders and said "No practice no play."

This 'rule' was not applied to his own son or to 'Nicky' supposedly the best player in the team who never came to practice and stormed off the pitch at least once during every game screaming "They're all useless. I'm not playing for this rubbish team any more!"

DS2 was an excellent goalkeeper, in great demand by local teams. One team was very underhand in the way they tried to poach him midseason from the team he was playing for. He joined them the following season and everything was fine for the first season, then they got a new coach who took an instant dislike to him. At the end of the season I heard rumours that they were looking for a new goalkeeper, I talked to the manager and coach and e mailed as well. they denied this was the case. They finally told him he was out four days before they left for a football tournament in France.

DS1 represented his uni at football. DS2 has never played again.

There is so much money in football so its makes it very competitive from even a young age. A lot think their kid being successful is going to be a ticket out of poverty.

Enlist him in a few other sports and he might find his niche

Is he in the U12s or U13s? Regardless when they get to secondary school age, football does become properly competitive and the coach needs to think of what's best for the team as a whole. Perhaps it's best to look at a team at a lower level. It's definitely not too late. The season hasn't started.

Grassroots football is known to be absolutely brutal.

This is why even though my DS wanted to join a club when all his mates did I discouraged it and encouraged his other pursuits instead.

He's remained sporty and recently I have found him a kickboxing class that is all about mental and physical wellbeing and leaving your ego at the door.

He is LOVING it and has not stopped smiling as he is rather good at it.

Look for something different for him op. Do not let his mental health suffer for a bag of wind on a field!

What league does his team play in? In my experience if you are in the A Or B league teams then these tend to be more competitive. It may be worth changing to a a team in C league or lower where it's more about playing for fun and more even rotation of players.

I had a dc on the football talent pathway. Looking back, the coaches attitude absolutely sucked. There's absolutely no reason for it to be that cutthroat at age 9 - 15. Ironically the further they went on the talent pathway the better the pastoral care and coaching was.

It's the dads at age 9 and the coaches who are failed adult coaches that are absolutely shit and damaging.

Are there options near you for some of the other types of football, OP? He might enjoy freestyle or futsal.

https://www.englandfootball.com/play/ways-to-play/futsal

@Jfcsucks there will be another club with the ethos of equal game time if you ask around - are you in a class WhatsApp or know other parents whose kids are in other teams? This will probably suit him better. Some teams are out to win and will not sub the players on who they feel won't win them the games. Sad but true. Junior football can be brutal and the parents can be vile

My son's only 6 and in a different ball sport but I'm already seeing so much difference between his experience and his older sister's experience. Same sport, both started about the same age, both children not naturally good at ball skills.

My daughter was included, despite being a weak player. Not just by the coaches but by her teammates. They are such a lovely bunch, they try to win but they are a team and they pass to everyone. As a result she's come on so much, loves her team, is scoring more and more and has become a decent player.

My son on the other hand. The coaches do try, to be fair to them, but the stronger boys just completely ignore the boys they have decided are 'rubbish' so even though he's there he's not actually playing. It's just two boys passing back and forth to each other. I have spoken to the coaches but in the heat of the game they can't force the boys to pass to everyone. I can see him getting demoralised and he's barely improving.

The atmosphere on the team makes so much difference and it's so counter productive to write off young kids who could improve a lot if they were in a friendly environment.

This happened with my cousin's son (he was a few years younger at the time, maybe 8 or 9). She tried to talk to the coach about it but he said to her "I'm not an effing babysitter". Anyway they moved clubs and her son is a lot happier and they have made good family friends at the new club.

Its brutal but if he's not good enough he wont get to play as much. It's a squad and they want to win. At least the coach is giving him some play time. Many dont

DH has added that at this age his brother spent 2 years standing on the sidelines in the rain while the coach picked his son every week.

Went to university, was the top scorer for years and is still in demand in his late 40s.

Not worth it. He should accept facts and drop football. Find a different sport he may be better out rather than continue to torture himself.

It can be like this though the team my son is in work hard not to let it as much as possible,

A neighbour said rugby can be much better for kids as much less competitive when younger.

If your son wants to play football then all the posts on here telling him to leave won't help.
My son is U12s and my husband coaches the team, he's in a mid ability league and it's all nice and friendly. However go up a couple of leagues and it's brutal.
It sounds like your son isn't playing at his ability, does your club have multiple teams at each age, if so they might have a lower ability team he can transfer to. If not check out other local teams, most teams will be crying out for players at this point in the season. My son's club ethos is equal game time at all levels but not all have that.
You don't have to stay at the club you are at, it's easy to move so have a look around. There are usually Facebook groups for local leagues that you can join and ask if any teams are looking for players. A good manager will get your son along for a couple of sessions and will assess if he's a good fit for the team.

The short answer is yes - club football is brutal at whatever level. The justification is that it’s not fun for the team if they lose, so giving everyone a turn isn’t really on the agenda, except in a minority of clubs. Winning is the main driver in picking a team, harsh though that is. I’ve been through it twice!

Do you have a parkrun nearby? At his age a 5k run would be fine - perhaps ask him to come with you as your thinking of doing it and then let him run off once you get going. There are usually a few whizzy guys from the local athletics clubs so if he goes a few times and enjoys it you could then suggest asking them which clubs they go to and getting him to go and try it out. Great thing about running is that on a sociable level its about you competing with you rather than being fixed in your age group. Parkrun is usually very friendly and the adults are usually very encouraging of the youngsters.

I wouldn’t. I would encourage DS to do it. That shows grit and maturity, which is what coaches admire, not having mummy as his spokesperson.

Excuse me coach, can I have a word? I am really keen to improve and get more match time. What tips would you give me to make this happen. I have been watching drills videos online and am putting them into practice in training but I think I need your help to take things to the next level.

Trust me, coaches worth their salt would respect that, but would roll their eyes at a parent.

I've had kids in junior football for over 10 years and this type of thing is ime very coach dependent. If he's really only getting 5min a game I would suggest there is no point in talking to the coach, he is there to win and probably wants your ds out. It becomes a vicious circle as with so little time on the pitch he will progress more slowly than the others and the gap will widen.

Inclusive teams with coaches who genuinely try to get the best out of every kid do exist. They usually don't win a lot and are in the lower leagues. You could look up the league tables for your area, find the lower leagues and look for a team there that's near you, then approach and ask if they have space. It's not too late for this season coming and often there is movement and teams needing more players to stay afloat. Key words are inclusive, fun, friendly - avoid competitive!

It's only going to get worse - though more usual for this to happen at 12 it's pretty normal by 14 with the weaker players being benched more. I would pivot to another sport now.