Is junior footy this brutal everywhere? :(

[Jfcsucks]

DS 12 been in a junior footy club for 2 years.

Started off so well, then I dunno what went wrong, the others seems to progress v. quickly and he's stalled and he gets way less time on the pitch now, like a token 5 mins every other game if that 😔

Last weekend there was a tournament, just a friendly thing pitched as a fun day out, all day. Cost £20 to enter, 20 mins a game from 10am - 5pm. Think they had 10 games lined up. He got a total of 5 minutes play first game out of 4 other subs who were all swapped on/off while he sat there.

He came home and was curled up in a ball watching football technique videos all night hardly saying a word. He didn't eat. He was so low.

This feels like the straw/camel to me and I'm starting to hope he just Jack's it in because I can see its really upsetting him. He loves footy, the others are better, but he has his strengths and I feel coach is just focusing on the better ones and not helping DS improve by giving him opportunities.

I genuinely thought it was just a bit of fun? I've heard from other mums their JFC coach always makes sure even the mediocre ones get to play, part of the team, considering the parents pay subs etc. etc, but our coach seems to think he's Alex Ferguson and it's the prem, not a bunch of young children.

Is it this brutal? What do I do? No chance of finding another club now. And he has made some lovely friendships. He wouldn't want to leave but I'm wondering if he should for his mental health, I can see it's really getting him down 😔 or does he carry on just to join in with the training etc?

For years, if its for kids.

I'm another vote for martial arts. Individual progress, but often there are competition teams for kata and sparring for all ages.
I've taken it up in my late 50s. My coordination is dreadful, but the repetitive nature of it has helped enormously.
DD trained for 15 years, and it was brilliant for her self-esteem.

Rugby might be inclusive but the risk of head injury is huge.

This is so common. With my dc we took up other hobbies and gradually switched over, missing sessions and then stopping footie. Was expensive paying both lots of subs but a gentler way to giving up . Ds much happier now and can look back and agree the environment wasn’t good

I feel shit not replying to everyone but I am reading all your advice and am very grateful and am taking it all in, so thank you all so much.

I'm a bit surprised how heavy this has made me feel but I feel a bit better to see it's not just us this has happened to.

Think I'll speak to coach first about other teams then I know what my next step should be.

Am definitely going to look into an athletic club that's a great idea. I think he'd like anything tbh but footy seemed to be his real passion, although he does really enjoy his boxing too since he started it again.

I have to say, rugby wasn't inclusive for us. We had the same experience as the op with football at a similar age. Once they got to 12ish we were told they would be picking a squad for each game, no more swapping people in and out to give them a chance.

My son dropped it and joined a fantastic triathlon club.

What sort of training does he do? My ds 9 trains 6 nights and plays 1 game a week... It's gruelling but his choice.

There is a karate club 1 mile away from us too so that's a good shout. I'm not massively keen on him doing boxing tbh but I know they wear all the padded gear and they don't spar that much, it's mostly pad work etc.

Your poor kid. I hope he’s ok.

I agree with those saying it’s toxic. There’s too much obsession with kids football in the uk and I don’t think junior leagues are healthy for the most part. So competitive and obsessive. In a world where school is already competitive academically etc kids don’t need that in their free time too.

He sounds like he’d enjoy an athletics club or how about getting him a skateboard and getting him down to the skatepark. He can make new friends and enjoy something for the fun of it.

Training is 1 session a week with another coach, some rule about same coach can't do the training??

It is brutal but they want to win so that means picking the best team to achieve that.

You may need to make decisions for him.

I was v into a sport as a child but the place I played at was just horrible. Loved the sprt but I'd be crying before I had to go.

Eventually my parents took matters into their own hands and just told me I was going to a different venue. It was brilliant, everyone was so kind and supportive! And unsurprisingly I rapidly got a lot better at the sport as it was now enjoyable.

When you are young you just don't have the knowledge to see you are surrounded by bad behaviour and it's wrong, I just thought if I wanted to do the sport I had to put up with it.

Poor DS, it must be awful for him (and for you to watch him being left out)

I don’t know about football (my son did some lessons at 4 but I took him out as he was way too lairy (AuDHD)

Do you mean dyspraxia?
If he does have that it would probably be more challenging for him to play.
Is there a more inclusive team he could join?
(Not saying he should have to by the way- his coach should be less of a nob, but for your DS’ own confidence.)

Hope he gets more of a chance to play whatever happens.

I've been going to junior football matches for 10 years now with the DCs. It started off being equal playing time for everybody, no league tables, results "didn't matter" (but they did - my DC's team spent one year getting completely thrashed every match and the other teams knew this full well). Then aged 12 or 13 that league's age groups ended and the team's move to a new league was much more competitive. This was in the lower 1 or 2 divisions of the league as well. Some really shouty coaches and parents. DCs' team coaches had discussions with a few families about the change of competitiveness/intensity as some children were not able to play at the level of the others and were ending up with a few minutes on the pitch here and there.
One of my DCs still plays junior football but the other has moved on to indoor climbing, which they really love and it seems a friendly and encouraging environment (although competitive in its own way). I had tried to encourage athletics/cross country as they have enormous amounts of stamina and can keep running for ages, but they weren't keen.
Quite a few of the DCs' team mates moved on to rugby from football but I was glad mine didn't want to as a few friends' children had head/neck injuries from playing, including being stretchered to hospital in an air ambulance

No they made him do some reading tests then he had to recall parts of it and infer things? I can't remember the name...RAPID or something like that and another one that began with lex....they said that one was fine.

His reading and comprehension was where it should be but question mark over taking some forms of information in....I didn't get any info at all just a letter saying moderate risk of dyslexia and we should get an assessment, which I will do, thought I'd wait til he starts school again in September I don't want him stressing about assessments when he should enjoy the holidays.

Dd does a bit of fighting in karate- kumite. She has gloves and a mouth guard.

What you describe bears a great resemblance to some of the things a work colleague tells me about his son's experience.

Aw yes assessments are a worry- good idea to wait and enjoy the holidays!

He's rapid, no ones faster on the pitch than him, he will run for hours if he could.
My DS was a great footballer, was chased up by junior teams, then decided at 16 to give it up, he's now a fantastic runner at a high level.
Play to his strengths.

Crap isn't it? My DS2 was desperate to play when he was about 8/9 years old. We chose a team who apparently would be inclusive (he has a slight disability) and weren't highly competitive.
Shortly after joining there was a tournament, we'd bought the kit, paid the fee for him to take part for him to get ZERO time on the pitch. He was absolutely gutted, we spoke to the coach who said he wouldn't be played as they were there to win. So we took him home, very sad

Fortunately a couple of years later we found a lovely inclusive team which he really enjoyed for a couple of years

I don't know why that would be, my DH is a coach and does both the games and the training through the week.

I'd look for another team that suits his ability better, there may even be movement within the same club, for example my DH's club has a couple of Under 13s teams - varying in ability, playing different leagues. It's far less demoralising when you're playing with kids of the same ability.

It does get very competitive at this age and it's not for everyone - it's not just parents or coaches either, the kids themselves can be hugely competitive because they want to win.

if you’re in the UK, I’d definitely look for a lower league team. At 12 the kids want to go and be competitive and field their best players rather than give everyone equal time. A lot of those children will have been playing since 6/7/8, when, in our experience, it was about fun and inclusivity.

My DS joined a local team when he was young (7 or 8 from memory) They were too young to play competitive games I think and for the first year it was just training. He went to every session for a year and because he was very tall for his age they always put him in goal so he never got to learn any skills.

We kept asking for him to have a go on the pitch but they just insisted he was a goal keeper. He got so bored.

Finally it was announced that they were dividing the boys into teams based on ability ready for the next season.

He was placed in a the lowest level team and then we were told quite flatly that as no one wanted to coach the lower team there was no point him coming anymore. Written off at 8 years old. We switched him to rugby - a much kinder and nurturing environment we found.

Yes, I’m always amused by the ‘rugby is a far better junior sport than football, more inclusive and with a nicer ethos’ schtik you so often see on here. It really isn’t true. And the smaller, slower, more timid child is in much more full-on physical contact with the larger, stronger, more aggressive ones.

The only real difference is that kids are not generally be be found having the rugby equivalent of a kick around in every park, school playground and cul de sac. You have to seek it out.

The same coach can't train and run a match?? how does he know how anyone plays if he never sees them train? very odd