New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

Have you heard of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, OP? It tends to affect people with ADHD and ASD. Basically it means what it says on the tin — that they perceive rejection where possibly others wouldn't

I think anyone who knew they were being ditched and lied to in this situation would be a bit angry or upset about it.

I'm NT, afaik anyway, but I would have understood that he's ok to work with me again next year.

I'm ok reading between the lines but really really wouldn't expect having to do it with a therapist. Imagine your medical doctor talking in riddles. It's really not ok for someone dealing with ppl suffering from ill mental health.

I am not a therapist, but based on what OP has related I agree with this comment.

It isn’t clear to me what exactly was happening with the scheduling, but if for any reason the therapist felt that continuing was a bad idea, or against protocol, he should have found a constructive way to tell OP that.

Sure, but a trained counsellor or therapist has an ethical obligation to all clients. I do not believe that lying is part of this.

The therapist/client relationship isn’t really much like a PT/client.

Of course everybody has the right to discontinue a working relationship, but the duty of care is much higher in the therapist/client relationship, is it not?

A PT can fib, to avoid an awkward conversation. A therapist should not. It should be something they discuss with their own supervising therapist and plan an exit strategy that has integrity, not “Sorry, I’m washing my hair.”

I think that you would be within your rights to raise a complaint with UKCP or BACP regarding ethics. One of the principles therapists work to is honesty and as you have described the situation it does not appear that the therapist acted honestly.
You may have already mentioned this, but I wondered if you have communicated with the therapist that the email was from you and not a new client. Would a discussion or email exchange around this help you to understand or gain closure?

Ah @HowMuchShouldBePaid I see the anger- i get it.

The truth is is that is that anxiety that is telling you he doesn't want to see you again to retain control of the narrative. Anxiety when left unchecked is a bully and you will always be the victim. Dealing with uncertainity is a skill you have to learn.

He is not available. It doesn't matter if he is telling the truth or lying, you feeling bad isn't going to change the outcome. It might be that he is doing a university course and only wants to work with certain population groups, could be that he is winding is practice down because he has some health issues. It could be that he is having an affair- but what ever it is he doesn't owe you any more information than he has given you.

Things got a lot better for me when I started assuming ignorane or unseen environmental reasons over malice, rather than the otherway around. Even if there was evidence to the contrary its just easier for me and makes me less angry to be around.

There's a podcast called My Therapist Ghosted Me!!! It's presented by Joanne McNally and Vogue Williams after Joanne's therapist ghosted her!

You're 100 per cent right that he should have at least replied to your messages especially as therapy is so personal and involves people at their most vulnerable. Remember though it doesn't automatically mean he doesn't like you, it could be for loads of reasons like work load/not knowing how to help more etc.
I'd feel hurt too but at the same time even IF it was more personal it HONESTLY is not a reflection on you. Most people who do these things do it to lots of people. I'd like to hear what his other clients say. I bet loads of people will have had the exact same experience.

He didn't. He did two courses of therapy with her. The most recent being 12 sessions. He has worked with op.

A very obvious observation, but perhaps worth saying. Perhaps when the therapist worked with OP last year he began to wonder whether she might be ND. But 12 sessions might not be enough to be certain that that was the case. So perhaps he accepted her for a second 12-week course of sessions which confirmed his suspicion that she has ADHD or ASD or EUPD or whatever.

Working therapeutically with people with those diagnoses can require skills that not all therapists have. Even if they do have them, they can find working with ND people particularly tough. I know a very good therapist who limits the number of ND clients she works with at any one time because, being NT, she finds working with them requires more thought and effort. As she's put it to me, it can be like working in a foreign language: it requires a lot of extra awareness and translation and can make clear, effective communication more difficult — as in the OP's case. Possibly an NT person would have picked up that the relationship wasn't gelling and that the therapist was saying 'no' without actually saying no. But someone ND — perhaps the OP — might not pick up the clues and might not understand the social shorthand that 'booked through to the end of the year, but here are some numbers of other therapists' = 'I don't think I can help you and you need to find someone else.'

Is he NHS OP? In which case he cannot offer you more than 12 appts. If he is private you never needed to limit the course to 12 appts anyway.

The 12 sessions was with the retired therapist. She wanted 12 sessions with new therapist until he ghosted her.

This is a very unhelpful comment. The therapist acted completely profesionally, he ended the relationship and provided resources to continue therap

I think that some reasons for ending the therapy might be quite difficult or maybe high risk to discuss.

For example, if he was ill or had a lot going on in his personal life it wouldn't be appropriate to go into details or start processing his stuff with you, and maybe he felt it would be burdensome for you to carry?

Maybe he did feel he was getting too attached but voicing that could be seem as an invitation to change the relationship some how? I can't work with you anymore because I've developed inappropriate feelings for you." Would end up on a mumsnet thread or in front of the BACP as "my therapist came into me."

As pp have pointed out maybe there's something you're bringing/saying/doing that's bringing up something in him and he's finding it hard to set that to one side. It would be hard to explain this without it turning into a discussion about his issues, which is totally inappropriate.

He probably wasn't expecting you to create a fake email account, and might have thought this was the safest and kindest way to end things.

I'm not saying any of those are true, but they're at least possible.

The truth is is that is that anxiety that is telling you he doesn't want to see you again to retain control of the narrative.

It's pretty obvious. It happened to me so it does happen. OP presumably isn't just telling herself this. Especially as she even went to the effort of email him as someone else to see if he was really available- and he was available to other people who weren't her.

I'm not trying to get OP more riled up about it, I just think it's annoying, obnoxious and patronising that people are claiming she's concocting this and it's all in her head, or she's abnormal that she's not 100% happy about it.

He did lie though.

Genuine question- where is it obvious that he ghosted her?

He told her he has no availability at the moment but he will next year. She emailed him asking him to book in sessions for her to return next year and he didn't reply.

He didn't respond to her email but he did to another email address she had. He thought he was responding to a new potential client. That's what upset the op.

This is normal when you run a therapy practice. It is easier to book in one trial session then it is to block book therapy sessions.

As a clinician this would be a red-flag that a patient did this. If we gender-swapped this to male patient and female therapist it would be a safety concern.

Im on your side op. He's been unprofessional and treated you badly. Hope you find a new therapist with more integrity. Best of luck

He's just not that into you.

Even therapists are allowed to have personal preferences. If you are as dogged and nitpicky and relentlessly argumentative as you've been on this thread during your sessions when presented with facts you don't like from him, I can see why he would think, Life is too short to have this client in my life, and try to ease you out.

That is not what happened, though. He finished the contracted 12 sessions (for a second time) and then offered links to other therapists. He let you know he was no longer available to you, then gave you suggestions for further work with SOMEONE ELSE, i.e., not him. That was the conclusion of your work. Your therapist is not ghosting you. He is not your therapist anymore. He concluded the work.

Surely you wouldn't mislead a client into thinking they can book with you in the future?

I've never known a professional to mislead a client if they didn't want to work with them. Hopefully the op will meet another therapist with better communication skills.

The therapist she saw for 12 sessions retired this is a new therapist.