The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

I’d be the same I would not like it if my husband was sleeping for most of the day especially if he didn’t work. My husband when off work spends most of his time engrossed in his hobby, I appreciate he needs some down time but this verges on obsession, no matter how many times I tell him it is impacting our marriage he doesn’t change so I am now just binding my time for when I can leave.

Whereas my mental health gets better the less paid employment I do. I'm 59 and have got it down to basically none by tapering agency work off. I often stay in bed half the day too. I live alone. The jobs get done. I volunteer for an animal charity so am down there between 9 and 10 3 days a week. I have hobbies that make me very late to bed. I'm really glad nobody lives with me to impose their own schedule and declare me lazy for doing it my way.

Women night owls with teens like the OP do sleep in though.

The OP’s night owl DH manages to do long school runs during the school year, but when it is the holidays, there is no need to force yourself up early.

For who though? The OP has not said why they both appear not to be working. I have no idea if there are health reasons etc, as the information has been inadequate to give an informed opinion.

Am I reading about a different man to most PPs? All this let him sleep, he's an owl, he's tired??? Ah yes, the poor man and his feelz.

He doesn't work and does a couple of hours volunteering at a subject he loves. What's he got to be tired about? Being an owl doesn't give you a free pass to absolve yourself from life, I know, I am one.

And if he's not working he's not contributing much financially. So he's just riding on his wife's back. Isn't that the definition of a cocklodger?

My entire family is damned.

@Sleepiboi

what are these 'morning jobs' of which you speak?

Other than the animals breakfast why can't he do his share of house jobs when
it suits him?

and animals breakfast is hardly difficult & you're up anyway.

why are you ok with the kids staying in bed, but not him?!

Ive always been an early riser with & people 'wasting the morning' staying in bed used to drive me insane! I had to learn that it was their choice and my reaction to it was my choice & I just needed to arrange my mornings to suit me & minimise the affect their 'arrangements' have on 'me'

if I want to go out for the & an early start is required ask if they want to come & agree a time, or agree a time it's ok to start more noisy jobs like hoovering etc.

I'll leave a note/send a WhatsApp if I'm going out & day where & either what time I'll be back or to call me when they get up.

it's a me problem to not let it stop me doing what I want to do.

in some ways I'd like to be with another morning person, but in other ways I enjoy my quiet alone time.

however, is your H depressed? That could be a cause of staying in bed?

And if he's not working he's not contributing much financially. So he's just riding on his wife's back. Isn't that the definition of a cocklodger?

Sorry have you read a different post? How is he "riding on his wifes back"? She says she gets up to feed the animals and spends several hours going to wake him up throughout the morning? What's she doing to "contribute financially"?

Meh, unemployed households always has at least one adult who will sleep till mid afternoon. There isn't really much you can do about it other than get a job.

I dunno.. I’m a grown ass woman and I’m still in my pjs scrolling mumsnet 🤷‍♀️ I’m not lazy, I’m just off a run of five back shifts. My body clock isn’t somehow inherently worse than my colleagues who work the early shift. I get OP’s DH doesn’t work, but I don’t think there’s something necessarily bad about a different sleep schedule, albeit a relationship between an owl and a lark will always require compromise.

The only thing that the OP has mentioned that she does is "sort the animals and other stuff". And she's failed to clarify what the other morning jobs are, despite multiple people asking. No indication at all, that she does all the jobs or that he does nothing except the school run.

Mine too :) the Protestant church that gave us the work ethic had alot of beliefs that can only be characterised as superstition which they were given by medieval and older generations. History of religion is very interesting when you look at which beliefs endure and which fall by the way side.

Laziness is very unattractive and boring, I'm with you OP!

Does he snore a lot op? I was very much like this myself. Could just about get up to do the school runs but when's and hosts I slept as late as I could. Find out 6 months ago at age 44 I've got severe sleep apnea . Started on a cpap and my life has been revolutionised! In awake at 7 am every day now as the sleep I get is 7-8 hours and deep and restful and not 12-15 hours of stopping breathing 60 times an hour.

Maybe if you answered the questions about employment - and why neither of you work you might get further. And plenty of people have castigated him but you are leaving out part of the story

Don't worry - I assume you won't be back - always the case when people don't get the responses they want

I knew I was an “owl” way before I had any screens to switch off 🤷‍♀️

I've been an owl since before iPads and smart phones screens were invented. Why is it 'loafing' when it's from 1-11 but a good night's sleep if it's between 10 and 8?

Nobody in the household need to go to work at all??

Working's for mugs innit.

The op hasn’t given enough information
what are the morning jobs? Are they feeding a farm or a few cats?
does the op work? Why is the dh not working could that impact his need to sleep later. Does he pull his weight but later in the day

DH lying in til midday every day for 6 weeks would give me the ick. Not much of a companion is he? Very selfish and lazy imo.

I find this so weird - not meaning to single out @DecafDodger but all the posts saying this.
Surely you want to spend time with the person you've married, not just take shifts doing chores the whole time?
I love a lie-in but I get up earlier than I would so that I can share chores with early-bird DH, then when done we have the rest of the day / weekend to spend together doing something enjoyable.
Life would be shit if we were just separately doing chores all day

I don't know why people have such an issue with this. It's unusual, yes, but it happens and it doesn't mean laziness. My mum was always a SAHP, as was common, and then my dad left work when I was in my late teens due to an accident. No laziness, no scrounging, but no working either. OP has clearly said they've been through some shit, and she doesn't slag off the DH for not working.

This is what I was trying to say!

So I am the early bird. My DH is a night owl as are our teen DC.
It works perfectly fine. I let them sleep, often I am eating my lunch when they are eating their breakfast. I have house to self in morning, and they have house to themselves when I nap in afternoon. We all hang out in evening and DH and DC stay up late.

This is when we are all off work and school- we feel like we should get to be how we want. I can’t nap every afternoon at work, I end up drinking Coke Zero to push through, DH is out the door at 7:30 and he has to have a big travel mug of coffee to wake up that early.