The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

The basic issue seems to me to be that he isn’t doing his fair share of the jobs. Where he chooses to be while he’s not doing them doesn’t really matter. Surely it wouldn’t be any better if he got up and then just sat in a chair all morning. You need to discuss the fair division of work with him.

I have not seen that the op works?

Same for larks though. It’s just a mismatch of body clocks. But for some reason, doubtless linked to the Protestant work ethic, early risers are virtuous while night owls are ‘lazy’.

What does he do when he does get up? I'd be leaving him a list of chores and I wouldn't be making his lunch. If you have animals in the house that want to be fed, I'd leave the bedroom door open so they can pester him and shut them out of whichever room you're in.

Do you think that people ‘decide’ they’re neurodivergent/have allergies too?

The people who say the one thing are probably not the ones who say the other. MN is not a hive mind! Anyway, I'm with you about the lounging in bed until midday every day, OP.

Isn't it crazy though how the vast majority of night owls who are women manage to not sleep in until 1pm when they have children? I used to a night owl, naturally I still am if left to my own devices; but I've had to work hard to reprogramme myself so that I think of other people as well as myself.

Maybe he’ll get bored after a week or so and his body will have had enough sleep?

Pointless post with not enough info. The entire point would be what are the consequences of his sleeping in which you've not detailed in either your op or follow ups.

If he's doing his share of chores, finances (I know you've said he doesn't work but you haven't said if you do either), then you are bang out of order for trying to control what he does during his leisure time.

But if his sleeping in means you are run ragged working and doing all the housework which for whatever reason needs doing in the morning, then it's he who's being bang out of order.

But I doubt you'll be back anyway, what with it not being a Yanbu unanimous.

Honestly? Yes I would judge if they've decided that work is too much of an inconvenience and they've decided that claiming benefits is a viable lifestyle choice.

I read some articles yesterday saying owls have better cognition.

Theyre definitely not lazy.

lol, night owl sleep patterns were recognised (and complained about) hundreds of years ago, before screens, even before electric light. Obviously you have not read the diaries of night owls from the 1600s raging over the price of candles for nighttime reading/letter writing when they don’t feel like chatting by the fire.

Sorry so you getting up as 7.30 is ok because it's your body clock but him h getting up at 1pm because of his body clock makes him a bad person?
If it's a deal breaker for you then it's a deal breaker, but honestly if you've discussed it and understand each other then great.
It might be worth focusing on appreciating the effort he goes to to get up early most of the time.
Imagine you had to stay up until 2am during term time to pick someone up from shifts, then you'd be so glad in the holidays, you wouldn't expect someone to insist you still stayed up and treat you as lazy otherwise?
We have really internalised the morning person = virtuous, non morning is lazy.

But the DH gets up and gets the DC to school when it's not holidays. There's been no suggestion from OP that he doesn't pull his weight ordinarily, and there's clearly a reason he's not working. Unless he's hurting his mental health by staying in bed there doesn't seem to be any issue other than a mismatch in temperment.

You've described your day. That has nothing to do with the OP or what she finds works for her/them as a couple. She may need to compromise, granted, but so does he.

Really, job hunting should be a priority in my opinion, not lying in bed.

The key to what’s going on is hidden in the first paragraph of this post. What’s all the ‘stuff’ you are going through? Why is he not working?

As he doesn’t work and she does all the jobs and the only thing she’s mentioned that he contributes is the school run, it sounds like he’s a lazy manchild/cocklodger

Because she's getting up in the morning and spending five hours running errands and doing housework before he even moves!

We don't know why he doesn't work. For all we know, he's retired with a fortune of millions. We also don't know that OP works, or that she does all jobs, just that she does the morning stuff. Maybe she doesn't lift a finger after noon. We don't know.

ETA - anyone who's spent ten minutes on MN would know they would get plenty of support if they described a male partner who doesn't pull his weight at all and leaves it all to the nearest woman. But OP didn't describe that, so I'm not inclined to jump to those assumptions.

Why do neither of you have jobs? How do you live without jobs?

If you don't need to work, then there's nothing wrong with sleeping in. He can do the jobs you mention in the afternoon.

Why is it lazy to have a different body clock to you?

IKR.

😂

I hung out with plenty of owls as a student in the mid 80’s. We had no screens then.

Also the pysch who diagnosed ADHD in Dd told us it was a normal sleep pattern with this diagnosis. She didn’t mention screens…

5 hours doing housework every morning???

I'd find this very annoying myself but simultaneously find it very controlling you trying to make him change how he likes to spend his free time. Are the morning jobs really time dependent?

That and the fact that night time is when devils, witches and ghosties abound, so having energy at night was from the Devil whereas energy in daytime was from God. Being a night owl was to endanger your soul.

Just like the right hand is the godly hand and the left hand is the devil’s paw- so being left handed made you part demon and possibly a witch.