The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

If you have children though it's more of an issue to be a night owl most of the time isn't it- nothing about being lazy or not but about logistics. Being up for hours when children are asleep isn't the same as being up early with children awake.

Yes the DH has probably had years of working against his body clock. I know my DH struggles with that.

But in the OP's house nobody needs to get up early for the children. I got up early when DD was small and I was a single parent. Ow she's an adult and I live alone I get to have the sleeping pattern that makes me feel best, which is sleep about 12-8 then stay in bed with tea for another couple of hours if nothing else is happening. My cat gets fed when I wake up that's her routine. They don't need to be fed at 7, just at a regular time every day (about 8 and about 5 in DCat's case).

I'd leave him to it - maybe give him a nudge at noon. What are all these "morning jobs" you need to do single handedly? If it was me I'd enjoy pottering around in the morning in peace and I'd save jobs for him to do in the afternoon.
He's not depressed is he?

He isn't going to help you though he has no intentions of doing morning jobs or he would be up , you are wasting your emotional energy, what jobs need doing that can wait ?

I think the OP needs to clarify the situation. Who is working in this household and where is the money coming from? What is the household situation and what are these animals she is describing - are we talking a small holding full of pigs and chickens, or a couple of cats? Was the decision to move to this location a mutual one?

The whole summer? It’s been 2 days.

Yes, I think a lot of people are glad to finish work, I know I was 😂 I love my own time. My DH was different though.
I also love my sleep, but I still think sleeping in until noon every day is excessive, unless there are other factors we don’t know about.

What time does he go to bed? Unless it is 3am or later no way should he need that much sleep.

It would annoy the hell out of me. I go to bed around 11pm and DH at about midnight. We are both up by 7.30am

If I didn't have work and my kids were in bed and my OH decided to try to wake me up 6 times over the course of a morning I'd be furious, and I'd probably be retaliating by waking you up 6 times the next night. You're an early bird, good for you, he's clearly not. Leave him alone.

OP’s husband also manages not to sleep until 1 pm during term time when he drives the kids to school every morning, so it’s not just women.

@CelesteCunningham who says I have 'an issue' I was asking a question

Is that a self-funded early retirement (if so, well done you) or am I footing the bill for you to opt out of work?

Mine is very similar but he's retired. I say he sleeps like a teenager!
He has a hobby that he has to get up for but that's not until 9 am, he thinks it's the crack of dawn! Generally he gets up at 10 or 11. I think it's a waste but I leave him to it and get on with my life.
Should your DH be looking for a job? Does he do his fair share of chores? I can understand your frustration but by trying to get him up you're only making yourself annoyed. I totally get where you're coming from @Sleepiboi Just bloody leave him to it but make him do his fair share of jobs etc. Good luck.

Summertime, I am up around 4:30am work or no work. But then on days off, indulge in a nap and sleep from 2-5pm.

This would frustrate me as I am a morning person. I was with someone for a few years who would lie in on a weekend, to midday sometimes. Generally to 10.30. It was one of the reasons I realised we were not compatible as I imagined the little niggle would turn into an earthquake in 10-15 years, especially if we had children. He would stay up until 2am most nights, ideally I would (and do) like to be in bed by 11, 12 at the latest on a weekend. My body clock gas me up by 6/6.30. There were much bigger flags than that mind you!

Is the frustration exacerbated by him not pulling his weight? Is there a way you can plan jobs round each others body clock. Where you could both feel satisfied and not resentful.

Is the frustration that you are feeling disconnected as you are living in 'different time zones'. Is there a way you can get a compromise to move forward where he gets up earlier to do certain activities together? So that you still feel like a team.

It is a difficult one as he will need to see the need and the responsibility to actually get out of bed. It seems like it suits him fine how it is going. An understanding of both perspectives is needed to see a workable way forward as from the information presented in the posts to date it appears the adult:child in your house is tipping.

I can't see the problem.
He's been getting up early for school for weeks.
Let him have a lie in.
He might have been up late on his phone/ gaming etc.
It's HIS holidays.
Teens do this.

Why is it lazy?

Because he doesn’t conform to the expected sleep times?

I often sleep till 1. I always often work till 3 or 4am. I do pretty much all the housework, all the driving and work fulltime. I would be really pissed off to be made to get up.

Is he staying up very late with hours and hours of time scrolling? Mine does this then gets up very late. So frustrating as we could do so much more with DC and the house.

I don’t have the answers but do have sympathy OP. Even worse is getting run down with it then he finally gets up and starts sniping at boring mum who kept everything going.

I think I will start doing the animals, having breakfast with DC and going out. He can stay and wallow. Have been very ill so this hasn’t been an option for a while, but will try to get back to it.

Is he depressed? You say he's not working because he's going through a lot of stuff.

If you are doing all the morning jobs alone, does he have an equivalent evening list so everything is being split equally?

If no is the answer to both of those and he's lazing around, that's different.

This would give me massive ick. The teenagers may be lying in, but a grown man behaving like a teenage boy is deeply unattractive.

I wouldn’t be going in and trying to raise him though. As that would give me the rage to go along with the ick. I’d just have a chat about all the things that need doing over the holidays, and ask him to get xyz done in the time he has gained by not doing the school run.

I’ve known plenty of people who are unattractive and boring between 6am and 10pm. Early risers don’t have a monopoly on being gorgeous and interesting. People who switch off at 7pm for their precious downtime can be just as dull. 6-9am doesn’t have the monopoly on being interesting hours.

Someone who doesn’t work, sleeps late, sits in a chair, eats some toast, sits in a chair, has dinner, watches the news, watches whatever is in after the news - sounds kind of dull and lazy, but so does someone who gets up at 6am and follows that schedule. The OP isn’t complaining that he’s boring, or even lazy - he just doesn’t do the undisclosed “morning jobs” she’s complaining that he’s in bed when she is up. If he’s boring and lazy then she should complain about that. She isn’t even complaining that they don’t spend enough time together, just that she does “morning jobs”. Is he an actual owl or is he sleeping 15 hours a day? Who knows? DH walks our dog at 3-4am because he’s super virtuous - but then sleeps late because he is unattractive and boring, apparently. Where is the OP at 4am? Lazing around in bed no doubt. How unattractive.

How is that the same?

Why do they have to be “morning jobs”?
Maybe a good compromise to this would be have a conversation about the household chores and delegate who does what, and then he can do his share when he gets up.