The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

Why must he bend to your schedule? What if your performative "calming" interrupts his productivity?

So that must mean they can get up early too not just go bed late. Otherwise they would run on a 24 hour clock just altered

I don't think he should be laying in bed all morning especially if there are jobs that need to be done. What time does he normally go to bed? It's awful that you have to act like his parent and keep waking him. My 12 yo needs less encouragement to get up (and he loves a lie in, not a morning bird!).

I think I'd have a conversation along the lines of "I'm struggling with the fact that I have to go on at you to get up and end up doing xxx chores alone. It's making me feel resentful and I don't think is good for our relationship for me to either do all morning jobs OR have to turn into your parent and keep reminding you to get up. How can we fix this?". Then see what he says.

I'd also absolutely stop waking him multiple times. He's an adult and needs to get himself up - that may mean setting alarms. It's so inconsiderate of your time and mental space to have you running up and down the stairs waking him up. Honestly, it pisses me off when my 12 year old is like this (and he generally only needs a couple of reminders) so i can't imagine how it must feel doing this for a grown man!

I think you (as a couple) work out a routine where chores are fair, you both spend the same amount of time on mutual household tasks. Either he gets to lie in as long as he wants and do an equivalent amount of chores to what you've done in the morning (and you don't help him!) or he gets himself up by a certain time and you do the jobs together. Otherwise his sleep is basically removing him from the household and putting all the tasks on to you.

I agree that I'd also find it deeply unattractive. Why does he not work OP? Is he ill, in which case it's more understandable. Does he contribute to the household in other ways?

Are you not working through the holidays at any point? Maybe you’re a teacher, I don’t know?

But if you’re working, there must be loads of days where he’s left to his own rhythm to do ‘the morning jobs’ in his own time?

Can't be a full farmyard! 🐷🐄🐐🐑🐈🐕

We have farmers in the family and they are up and out working at 5.30 am.

DD is sleeping in our bed as she's having a weird issue with sleeping alone at th emoment - so he was taking the gap more than anything else. But my point was that I can't stand doing things in the evening and he doesn't mind.

Re him doing chores - that did piss me off a bit in the past. Especially as I would feel bad/guilty that I was sitting on the couch but resentful that I'd done all the work earlier so why shouldn't I sit on the couch. Now, no, it doesn't bother me as I've realised it's his pattern and how he operates.

No, I don't think he's avoiding me. We have dinner together and do other things together and are around each other a lot. It's just that if he has done a load of washing, he's more likely to hang it up later than me who tends to try to churn through washing first thing.

What does he do when he is awake? Does he do his share of jobs around the house? Make everyone dinner? Proactively job hunt?

Yes. It would annoy me too. Wasted day

If my partner wasn't working and therefore not contributing to the household financially, and was lazing around in bed while I did all the domestic work every morning, it wouldn't be long before he was out on his ear. Sorry, but no. That would drive me nuts.

Why isn't he working OP?

This

I don't understand why everyone is saying he's lazy and needs a job but by the sounds of it, OP doesn't work either despite having teenage kids?? Why is nobody asking why she doesn't work?!

I'd leave him to it but give him a list of jobs he needs to do if he's happy to leave you with sorting the animals out.

I'm a night owl and my dh is an early bird so he wakes at about 4am and will do jobs in the morning, I'll be up a lot later but still be going whilst he's sat down finished for the day

In this case, I would say that it's setting the kids' schedule. The bedtime ritual is really important if you need to get kid's to sleep on time so they get enough before they have to get up for school

I have teens and I don’t recognise the need to complete lots of jobs in the morning as I don’t have pets either. During the school holidays they get their own breakfast and put dirty stuff in the dishwasher themselves.

It’s hard to judge who is being unreasonable because we don’t know if he does jobs later in the day.

I think most adults are up at 7:30 because they have to get to work but for whatever reason that’s not the case here so it’s hard to understand why you are unhappy about him staying in bed. I assume that he’s going to bed later than you and him sleep a similar number of hours. Going to wake him up multiple times seems pointless really as it seems like you want him awake because you are rather than there being a reason why he should be awake.

That's literally what I said, some things like taking kids to school, feeding animals and walking dogs need to be done in the mornings.

Most people who volunteer, do it because it chimes with their hobby or interests and unless you are a masochist you are not going to volunteer to do something you hate and it hasn't be confirmed that he DOESN'T do chores later in the day.

The fact that the OP, whose ironic? user name is @Sleepiboi hasn't said he doesn't do anything later in the day, I am presuming that he does.

I'm honestly quite surprised that so many posters feel that a man with teenagers is well within his rights to sleep in till lunchtime every day. I can understand that differing circadian rhythms mean he gets up a bit later, but 9.30ish would seem more reasonable so as to be able to partake in family life. Teenagers need a later sleep when possible too, but most that I know are usually up by mid morning. It sounds like it would really make an impact on family life.

So that must mean they can get up early too not just go bed late. Otherwise they would run on a 24 hour clock just altered

Thats being a Margaret Thatcher, not an owl.

True! I don't do it because I have to get up with my kids. I can't afford to be an owl.

Are neither adult working in your house?

I live with night owls.

2 of them have ideal sleep time of 4 am until 12.

Tried everything to change it. Nothing works. They’re both ADHD. It’s a common pattern with ADHD.

My teens aren't up until lunch time. I work full time, but if I had a day off in school holidays, I would also lie in bed till late. I wouldn't be missing any family life, because with DH out at work and the teens in bed, there was no family life to miss. I'd still get all the necessary jobs done, and I'd likely be up until quite late because one of the teens almost invariably wanted a heart to heart about something or picking up from a friend's house. In fact, if you have teens, it's better for your family life to get up later and go to bed later.

Does no one work in this household?

Agree, I would find this so unattractive. He needs a job,

OP - how do you manage financially if he does not work?

Let the man sleep. Everyone has different sleep patterns and needs, he doesn’t do it all the time as he does school runs. As long as he pulls his weight the rest of the time. What morning jobs need done? I imagine you’d be quite upset if he made you sleep in when you are an early riser?

I happily sleep till 11/12 when I’m off as my little girl is a big sleeper too :)