The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

He obviously needs the sleep. I don't see how it affects you, you have the mornings to yourself which is nice. He gets up during term time and no doubt would if he needed to do something so why worry? I wouldn't wake him and certainly would not like to be woken if I was fortunate enough to be able to sleep like that. I did when I was younger, then it all changed.

I do hope you get things sorted out, life is difficult sometimes. That alone would make me want to escape in sleep.

Remember, sleep is healing.

If my DP wanted to lie in until 1pm every day I'd find that v annoying. Generally, that is what teenagers do, so seems v odd for someone in their 30s???? Or 40s ? ? ?. Is there a potential medical reason for this?

I'd have a chat w him and ask if you can find a compromise of 10am.

Well you need to share the jobs (or him do more if your working?)

So you-
Dog walk
Feed animals
Do pots
Dh
Sweeps floors
Sorts washing
Tidied up

So say he stars volunteering at 1pm
He plans to get up at 1030 to eat and complete jobs. You get to chill in afternoon as your jobs are done

Or you alternate each day and you spend your lay in -sleeping/reading /soaking in bath /having a walk etc

But yes it's unreasonable to repeatedly wake a grown man because you like to get up early.

It's not unreasonable to have fair division of tasks.

Eww, I would find this massively unattractive. Fine to have the odd lie in, but leaving you all the housework etc while he gets to sleep is gross. Maybe ask him when he will do his fair share if he plans to sleep the whole summer? Tbf the teenagers should also have jobs.

I think dividing up tasks as suggested above is a good idea and fair. Fine if he wants a lie in. Not fine for him to just cook the dinner. When you fed the animals, loaded the washing machine, did the food shopping, emptied the dishwasher etc

My partner used to moan he was still doing chores at 10pm. Then l would remind him that l had done my share but in the morning. I didn’t mind him leaving stuff until later but l did mind him insinuating l was doing less than him as l had done it earlier

Managing what? Making her own breakfast and feeding the cat?

I don't think the OP is coming back to this thread 😂

It isn’t. I didn’t say it was. It’s an illustration of how you can be v productive even if you stay in bed till 1.

If he wants to lie in bed all morning that’s up to him I guess. But you shouldn’t be doing all the jobs! Split the jobs in half and tell him you have done your half and this is his list to get done in the afternoon! Then you can sit with your feet up enjoying the rest of the day and evening. X

Just leave him a fair share of the jobs
I wouldn't keep shouting him up but worth a chat to say how you're feeling

Self Funded. Haven’t claimed any benefit not related to children (child benefit and for a while tax credits) since I started work in 1986. I’ve also managed not to become judgemental. Go me.

Why did the housework and admin have to be done before 11?

Can’t people seize the day between midday and midnight rather than between 9am and 9pm then?
And why can’t a routine start later than 8 am?

Where does the OP say he doesn’t do housework?

I get up at 10am to start work at 10:30, and go to bed at around 2am.
Is it acceptable for me to go around dousing people in cold water at 1am, because I have a different sleep pattern to them?

Does it sounds absurd to you that I think anyone going to bed at 9pm is very lazy and should still have 5 hours of the day left?

Or is YOUR preferred schedule the only one that's important?

Where does the OP say she manages everything else? She does undefined ‘morning jobs’ and says nothing about what else the partner does. I. Pretty sure that by now she’d have said if he did nothing because it would answer all the questions she’s been asked. At this point I’m assuming he pulls his weight, just not at the times OP would like.

Bit rude to refer to the children as animals. Maybe your husband is actually a sloth? Has DH booked holiday to be around for tweens? If so, then surely he’s adopting the age old ‘you sleep when they sleep’ technique? Is it grinding your gears because he isn’t do his share of housework? I wouldn’t weaponise lie-ins in case I wanted one, I’d definitely demand a rota in place (ask the ofher animals to help him out). Why are the holidays so revoltingly long?

Blimmin’ fantastic when babies and young children need to be fed or tended to during the night, though.

Also, everyone can get up when they have to, just as OP’s husband does.

Again, where has anyone read he leaves all the housework? Stop making things up.

But she doesn't NEED to do all the chores in the morning (apart from feeding the animals). Just leave them to him in the afternoon.

Why? We don’t know why he’s not working. We don’t know if he can work or indeed if he needs to work.

Yes. It’s also not clear that the OP works outside the home, as presumably if she did she wouldn’t be talking about ‘morning chores’ and wouldn’t be at home with the leisure to go in and try to get him out of bed seven times throughout a morning. In which case I wonder how they afford to be raising teenagers?

Snap! We are like this too. Although I will say when they were babies I’d go to bed at 9pm and because he’d be up doing his Uni studying until 2am, he would take “first watch” and do feeds and toddler nightmares until 2am. Then I’d take over after he came to bed as I’m usually waking up around 4-5am. It can be a benefit to couples if they just lean into it.

Is the same DH that is your carer, you don't drive, he does all the school runs but then wants to stay in bed on a non-school day rather than driving you about to boot fairs?

Why can't he have a job? It doesn't sound as though you need the sort of care that requires him there all day. Especially not if he's in bed for half of it, and out doing hobby related stuff for the other half.

Yep this is what we did.