The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

This is what I'll do when my youngest leaves home!
At the moment I get my second wind around 10pm, get to sleep shortly before 1am and then get up to see him on his way (swearing that "tonight I will get to bed earlier")
I work flexibly and while currently my hours are mostly regular office hours it won't be hard to negotiate a shift. We are an international group so I'll just overlap with other members of the team.

What jobs do you need to do every single day? You said you had animals, can you do a rota with husband and teens to handle that? Or if it always has to be done early could you just do it as you're naturally awake, but divide other chores amongst the others?

Have a think about whether your daily chores really need to be done before mimdday or if you just have these rules in your head about what time you think chores should be accomplished.

I would HATE this. I already have a hubby who sleeps in till 9 on a Sunday and that annoys me as we both work and I end up with the housework and admin!! As he doesnt get going until 11.

Drives me insane. Get up at a normal hour - say 9am. and MOVE. slowly sure. but shower. stick a load on. Water the plants. Do the packed lunches for the picnic etc

Agree with this. It’s interesting that anyone who works in the sinful nighttime economy, or does work that people should do for free such as nursing, emergency work etc are “lazy”, “unattractive”, “eugghhh”, “boring”, “like a teenager”, and “ick” but the Protestant work ethic busy bees are somehow better and more interesting.
It’s irrelevant to the OPs DH who doesn’t work at all, but as an emergency worker who used to work in the nighttime economy (and is married to someone who still does) this is an attitude I’ve seen a lot. Snide little remarks about laziness and how people, “couldn’t bare” to sleep in from arseholes who merrily sleep the night away are “boring”.

This made me smile as me and my boyfriend are very similar. I like to get stuff done early on, more active in the day time, but similar to you, once I’ve had my dinner and flopped on the sofa to get cosy for the night, I am done… whereas my boyfriend will start changing the bedding at 10pm, pop to Tesco for essentials at 9pm… things I wouldn’t dream of doing at that time! Whereas I’d clean the bathroom at 8am, (I’m talking weekends here btw, we both work full time in the week), do laundry at 9am etc all whilst he’s chilling, and he thinks I’m wild for doing that then.
Its never been an issue for us, we both know what are jobs are and we do them at our own pace, and live very harmoniously 😊

Why the heck is a grown man lying in bed for half the day? Does he have a mental illness? Why isnt he working? If you are an adult you get up and seize the day. He's behving like a teenager.
I find that really unattractive in a man.
I,m on annualeave and I was up gardening at 8am.
If you dont have some kind of routine you just become apathetic and drift through life.
When I lived on my grandparents farm everyone was up for a lovely family breakfast at 7am. This behaviour by an adult would have been astonishing. He would have been doused with a bucket of cold water.

He should be up and job hunting. His job hunting should be his actual job until he finds work. What a slob!

I wish I could stay in bed until 11 in the school holidays leave him alone. Do your own thing.

He needs to get his arse out of bed and look for a job. Lazy bugger!

Why is OP not job hunting?

So neither of you work? In that case, you do so the morning jobs, say 7-1, as you're a morning person, and he goes all the afternoon jobs, say 1pm-7pm! Would that work?

Or is he lazy out of bed too?

I'd find your attitude deeply unattractive in a man also.

My husband has always been like this.

when the children were small it used to drive me crazy and it caused endless arguments, to the point we almost separated. In the end I realised I couldn’t change him and had to decide whether I wanted to be in the relationship. I decided I did.

Now our three children are older teens his waking pattern suits me perfectly. I go to bed at 10pm and he does all of the driving around after them that needs to happen in the evenings or early hours. On some nights that includes various work pick ups and drop offs and collections from parties and social activities.

Morning people are not by default better or harder workers or generally more virtuous than night owls. And I say that as a morning person.

What exactly needs to be done in the morning, are you feeding a cat, or mucking out the stables and hand-milking a herd of cows? Does everything have to be done in the morning specifically, so once he gets up, there is no more work left? Does he pull his weight once awake?

I think this ebb and flow is good to acknowledge.

When DS was a baby it was so handy having different sleep patterns because I'd do the early mornings and he'd be awake to do the late feeds and wake ups etc. It then became intolerable when DS was a bit older because it was a battle to get help in the mornings, but we did work it out after many arguments and serious chats! When he's older I can see this sleeping preference being okay again haha.

That would piss me off
Is he actively looking for work?
He thinks it's ok to opt out of family life and even his voluntary work is related to his hobby
He could have low mood related to his unemployment or he could just have turned into a lazy sloth

How many jobs does this household of adults and teens (and the teens should be doing jobs too) have?

Quite. I'm an owl. I don't sleep well if I go to bed before midnight (this dates back to childhood, decades before mobile phones) but I'm rarely still in bed after 8am because I sleep even worse if I do lie in.

You don't need to wake him up

You do need to agree a chores rota that means you both contribute equally to the running of the household

You don't get to dictate how and when he does his - just that the end goal ( eg daily or by Friday ) is met

What exactly do you need him to do in the morning? Please list it out...

Why doesn't he work?
Are there mental health issues such as depression going on here?
When he eventually does get up does he pull his weight then or just sit around doing nothing until it's time to go to bed?

The real question is, why does he need to be up early?

If the kids are teenagers, they should be self-sufficient. Of course, it's different if you have young children who need attention. But if everyone else in the household is sleeping, I don't see any issue with this.

Is there no working adult in your house? Or do you work from home?

Just split the jobs and he can either do them when he wakes up or if there are jobs that need to happen early then alternate the days you do them.

Could he be depressed? I would imagine that it's hard to get motivated to get up if you have nothing in particular to get up for, the kids don't need him and you seem to have all the chores covered, the problem will be when your teens no longer need lifts and it becomes a permanent habit that could be hard to break if he gets a job. I agree it's not attractive but for now and for the sake of an affable summer try and enjoy the peace and quiet, and make sure he does his bit in the evening so that you get a chance for some chill time.

Jeezo. Quite a few doughballs on here today. He doesn't work. He should be looking for a bloody job and doing housework. Sounds like a lazy bastard to me. He doesn't need to get up at the crack of dawn but 1pm ffs 😂