The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

Does he pull his weight at all?

Why does all your housework and house admin stuff need to be done in the morning?

If he is up at 11, he still has time to water plants, put laundry in, and make lunch.

So you're incompatible then. The solution to that isn't to force the other person to be something they're not. You're not judge, jury and executioner. You don't get to decide his personality. He has the right to be who he is, even if that's unpleasant. You have the right to decide to stay in a relationship with him or not.

My DH stays in bed a lot longer than me. I am mostly passed it annoying me now, I just do my own thing. I tell him where I am going, what I am doing and he can then choose to join me when he wakes up. I spent too many hours waiting for him to wake up before I would go out so decided to just to do my own thing

He doesn't work. If you're working he is doing 100% of housework and meals. But does it matter when he does them? He can clean, do laundry etc when he gets up. You'll leave him to it, but he needs to make sure his shit gets done.

So OP doesn't work.
Her dh doesn't work.

All we know is that animals need to be fed in the morning.

But people are calling the dh lazy for not being employed? OP is unemployed as well and her dh does the morning drop offs.

Why isn't she called lazy?

I'd like to think the OP would know if her husband was depressed and would 1) have added that to her first post and 2) be able to show a bit of compassion.

We don't know if OP works or not.
For all we know she has one of those amazing WFH jobs which earn her 10s of thousands of pounds for putting in 3hrs work a week.

And I just knew spomeone would not read the post properly and would say that 😂. I internally betting with myself how long it would take . It was a lot quicker than I thought though

Why Isn’t he working ?

@DeclansAFeckingDream My point was that it's not intrinsically lazy. There ARE some chores that must be done first thing, but certainly, in my house for example, the vast bulk can be done at whatever time is most convenient for the person doing them. OP has not said what, besides the pets being fed, need to be done early.

@Teddybarr I think it's true that a lt of night owl men use this as an excuse to be shit when there genuinely are morning tasks to do. But OP says he does get up with the children during term time. And certainly, my nightowl DH does his share of the mornings and always has. Ditto, he's sometimes had work that requires crack of dawn starts and just gets on with it.

My mother, on the other hand, was also a night person. But she was completely useless in the morning and my dad was the one who got us up for school, made breakfasts and school lunches etc becuase she was still in bed having worked late at night. Why my dad put up with it, I just don't know. But he is a natural lark so I can only assume he was getting up anyway so figured it didn't matter.

And?

@Sleepiboi

"MN is the weirdest place. They scream LTB for the smallest thing but think a grown man spending half the day in bed is fine."

I agree OP. Unless there were mitigating circumstances, I don't believe for a minute that most women would be happy about their DH spending half the day in bed all summer long. Especially as he doesn't even work.

If he picks up the slack doing the end of day responsibilities then I can't see an issue but if he literally leaves everything to you then having a lie in is a luxury to him and he sees you as a commodity and your time just serves a purpose for him.

Do neither of you work at the moment, op?

If I were you, I'd insist that you take it in turns to do the morning jobs/animals etc. I know you said you wake up anyway, but that's fine. You can then choose how you spend your morning off. And he can have a guilt free lie-in. Although midday does sound pretty extreme!

What a slob. I couldn’t be married to someone wasting their life away in bed.

As are some posters.

Youbsay you get up early ish because that's your body clock. His body clock is just different to yours. Same with the teens, yet you seem to think them lying in is fine.

And just because you have ideas about when you want chores done, it doesn't mean that he has to follow your timing (apart from the animals)

For one moment imagine a scenario where a man complains about his non-working wife sleeping until 1pm and every day while he manages everything else.

I never understood why so many people correlate waking up early with being hardworking and waking up late with being lazy.

I am a night owl. My sleeping hours are 4am to 12pm. I lived in 2 separate countries where 24 hour cafes were in walking distance from where I lived and I would frequently make a trip down at 11pm for some coffee and quiet work time [UI/UX designer]. I no longer have that luxury but would you say I was any lazier than someone who goes to bed at 10pm and wakes up at 6am?

This might not be the case for OP's husband but surely as long as what needs to be done gets done, the when doesn't necessarily matter as much? What exactly is it that makes someone with my sleeping hours "lazy"?

but how do we know the husband does nothing and wife does everything? What are the things that need to be done at 7.30, and can't be done at 1PM? Or 1AM, assuming he also stays up later than op?

When I (used to) go home, my non working brother (40) would chastise me every morning when I came down for breakfast at 9am (while visiting)

Fuck off. I will sleep when I want.

There was a race to be "first up". So bloody irritating.

You've said he's not working ATM and referred to problems.

Does he have a diagnosis of depression or any other condition that might mean he finds waking up and facing the world difficult?

"busywork" I loathe "busywork". Leave me alone. You want to hose the terrace? Crack on, I wont stop you, or congratulate you.

So you get up when your body clock tells you to. And that's fine.

But becuase you're up you expect him to be up, even though he doesn't have to be. And even though his body clock wants to wake him at a different time?

If there's a disparity in household chores/earning then that's a separate issue. Just like you do chores in the morning when you want to be up, he should be doing chores in the evening when he wants to be up.

If he's supposed to be looking for work but isn't then that's an issue.

But you sleeping at different times isnt really a case of him being wrong and you being right. DP is having a nap right now, he's tired, I can't sleep during the day, ill go to bed earlier while he does some chores this evening.

For one moment imagine a scenario where a man complains about his non-working wife sleeping until 1pm and every day while he manages everything else

It’s the “managing everything else” that’s the issue though, surely. Apart from guessing and invented stories about the OP doing 5 solid hours of housework every morn we don’t actually know what he contributes. Possibly nothing - lazy git. Possibly he’s doing 5 hours of housework every evening and the evening milking of the imaginary dairy herd. He might make dinner and clean the kitchen at night. He might taxi their teens about. He might fold laundry. He might do nothing. If she had started the thread “my DH does absolutely zero housework and sleeps 15 hours a day” she would have a different response than saying her body clock gets her up at 7:30 and she, over a period of hours, tries to wake up a sleeping adult for no other reason than it is “awful” to sleep during the day.
There is no actual reason why you can’t hang laundry out at 4am instead of 8am, or walk your dog at midnight instead of 6pm. I accept dairy animals are different and if the OP is milking on her own she has a point. Ditto horses who are stabled overnight (in July).