Autistic women assemble! #4

[RainbowZebraWarrior]

This is a thread for autistic women to connect, chat, vent, laugh, share and seek advice and solidarity (small talk and word mincing not required). 😊

Any autistic women newly finding the thread are very welcome to join us (even if awaiting diagnosis) but we'd be grateful if others could leave us alone please…

Previous threads:

Thread 3:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4979068-autistic-women-assemble-3?reply=136877684

Thread 2:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4865805-autistic-women-assemble-2

Thread 1:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4777843-autistic-women-assemble

@DanaBarrett That all sounds very stressful/anxiety provoking and so unprofessional, on your management's part, not yours! Are you a member of a trade union? If not, and there are future meetings with your manager in the pipeline, do you have a trusted colleague who can attend with you?

I am a lifelong trade union member, and I have an Access to Work funded autism mentor, so I am fortunate to have these resources; however, I do recognise that others may not be in the same position as me. Whilst it's not going to be much use to you now, it might be worth you bearing in mind, post assessment/diagnosis (if applicable), to self refer to Access to Work.

Thank you so much @Clarice99 it’s amazing to know someone is listening ❤️
So, it’s been a day. Saw my nurse practitioner and she’s referred me for an assessment for autism. Got my hearing date so I guess I’ll be unemployed on Wednesday.
Have emailed my union to try and get some advice.
I have an OH appointment on Monday (for what good it’ll be!)

I found this white paper by the Autistic Girls Network on internalised autism, which was tbh quite scary for me to read, but gave me some clarity on why I do what I do at least! https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org/downloads/?fbclid=IwAR3U48I-880B8jE6frRCJV_NuBHhF9GcIyTpccj5SSYxSb-ghelJswUt3To

i will definitely have a look at Access to Work, thank you for that. I can’t keep losing jobs because I’m doing things wrong lol!

i will definitely have a look at Access to Work, thank you for that. I can’t keep losing jobs because I’m doing things wrong lol!

@DanaBarrett It's time to reframe the above and not put the blame on yourself. It's not about what you're doing wrong, it's about others not clearly communicating what they need from you, and providing the appropriate support and training. This isn't on you, it's a management failure.

I sincerely hope that a) Occupational Health are of some use; b) your trade union get back to you asap and arrange for a rep to be present at the meeting; and c) the hearing is constructive and doesn't result in dismissal (and then you can look for another job, one where your manager isn't a useless twat, but speaking from personal experience, there's a lot of useless managers out there!)

Edited to add - I have a employment reasonable adjustment 'passport', similar to the one in your link. If this isn't in place in your current employment, it may be worth mentioning at the meeting on Wednesday (and raise with Occ Health too)

Good luck 🌻

Thank you so much @Clarice99 you're right, there’s some serious issues at play, I can’t go into too much detail but I do suspect I’m the fall guy for something bigger.
Onwards and upwards! X

How is everybody?

Sorry I've been AWOL again. 🤣 We had a great holiday. First time I've actually had some rest in years. But back to reality with a bump now.

Dreading kids going back to school and the nightmare that entails dealing with their distress, awful school staff etc.

But one more week with them happy and me just working, normal life basically, before that hellstorm ensues again.

Would be nice to have some summery weather, though!!

Would be nice to have some summery weather, though!!

DS1 has been in the village for a week's holiday, and it's been raining and cold.

He's also had flu for most of the time, so he's had an awful holiday.

Meanwhile, in other news, DD2 is moving to the village.

I'm so glad that I'll have two of our DC living here.

That's such a shame! 😔

This, however, is great news! When is she moving?

Not until she gets accommodation, but it shouldn't take too long.

She's had a very difficult few months and has had to give up work - her dream job, too.

I've been helping her to fill in her PIP forms and some of her answers have prompted me to say Autism and ADHD to her. I have a feeling she may have been masking so superbly well that her health has now broken down.

She did say that she thought she was a good fit for ADHD. I've never heard her mention neurodiversity before.

If this is the case, it'll mean that all four of my DC are ND.

Maybe I just failed to notice. I feel guilty now. But the other three were more obviously autistic. And I wasn't diagnosed till I was over 60.

Well, I lost my job. I didn’t really stand a chance tbh, but I gave it my best shot.

I’m sorry you lost it

Oh honey, I'm sorry.

I've lost a few myself, over the years.... one, after only three hours.

Wow three hours has got to be a record! Were you ok?
Tbh I didn’t stand a chance. Boys club of an organisation and I’ve only been there ~20 weeks.
onwards and upwards 🤞

I was very young, only 18.
It was my second job, and I'd applied to do my nursing training, so I needed a job for about six months.

The deputy matron of a care home gave me a job as a carer, but when I arrived on my first day, the actual matron was in charge, and she just didn't like me!

So after one morning, she told me I was hopeless, that I'd never be a good nurse, and threw me out.

Many, many years later, I became matron of a care home myself, and I wished that the one who'd sacked me could see how my career had turned out.

Bitch.
🤣

Can anyone offer advice or point me towards resources on how to best approach telling a 9 year old they're autistic. She's just been diagnosed.

@LongWetSummer the autistic girls network has a lot of resources and links to books that might help:

https://autisticgirlsnetwork.org//*

I have just today been diagnosed as autistic. Am a bit shell shocked even though I had a strong suspicion. I will have another appointment so we can go through next steps, adjustments, how I feel about it etc. Part of me feels like my identity is becoming stronger as I get older. I sometimes felt like I would vanish and no-one see me when I was younger.

edit: hello, by the way

Hello @Staticgirl and welcome to the thread.
It is a bit of a shock to get a formal diagnosis, even when you've expected it.

Thanks! I am a bit... gobsmacked. I think I must sit with it for a bit

Hello and welcome 😃

Your reaction is not unusual. Even though 'we know' it's still a shock when the diagnosis confirms it.

Taking time to mull over and digest is sensible. You're still you, but over time you may develop a better understanding of yourself, which is a good thing!

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you're okay 🌻

Hi, I'm halfway through a psychiatry.com assessment. The up to age 11 half took me an hour and a quarter; next is the more awkward time to describe! Has anyone got any tips, please? I'm mid 50s. Don't have anyone to be an informant for me so it's all down to my description, and then an online talk I think. Thanks.

Do you have your school reports from the time?
To be fair an informant doesn't always help anyway. I asked my mum when filling in my assessment forms but she didn't even know if I had any friends as a child or who they might be.
Do you recall any special interests from your teenage years? Like music, book genres, clothes, science topics or such like?
That might help trigger some memories of that time.

Thank you, InMy. Yeah, I dug out some school reports and if anything I have too many memories of my teens and twenties! I hit the 1,000 character limit a few times in the first half. I am likely to waffle on and agonise about what I think they need to know, but I suppose they will have seen that before. I will keep in mind the specificity of music, book genres, clothes ect though, good shout, cheers.