Would you let your 10 and 13 year old on London to Leeds train alone?

[Secondtonaan]

Dds 10 (nearly 11!) and 13 are staying with family in London for a couple of days in the summer hols.

We live in Leeds and an option is them getting the train from Kings X together if my mum sees them on the train at the station and I meet them off the train at Leeds.

They're both v sensible and have phones with trackers on. Would you do this?! I think so but seems a long way.

The research on this is that where young people have space to do things at their own pace they develop into themselves. It isn't healthy to push too early.

Being brave can actually just mean being foolish, and being nervous can be due to an experience of being alone when things go badly wrong.

You can't see someone onto the train at Kings Cross as there's ticket barriers and they're v. strict. They also only announce the platform a very short time before getting on the train. You also have barriers at Leeds so you won't be able to get to the platform to greet them.

I 100% wouldn't do this especially as trains are often delayed and have issues, for example if a train is cancelled they might end up on a different one and no longer have set seats. They might end up stood in the vestibule.

If you do decide to let them, you need to tell them they need to always have 50%+ phone charge left each, explain where to charge their phone on the train but explain it can be a slower charge than normal, especially if it's one of the USB ports rather than a plug.

Yes I would let them, it’s a direct train and they have trackers. As long as they have emergency contact numbers.

Just seen that you can’t see them directly onto/ off the train at either stations without a ticket. I would get the adults at either end to buy the cheapest ticket to the nearest station which would allow them through the barriers so that they can see them on/ off the train.

I probably would and I think I am neurotic compared to friends.

we need our kids to do this stuff.

No I wouldn’t, seen quite a bit of antisocial behaviour and some strange characters on trains in the past, your kids are too young to know what to do in this situation to keep themselves safe. I wouldn’t risk it.

They are going to be put on the train by Grandma and met at the other end by you, of course they’ll be ok they will just sit and play on their phones or nap.

Why at this age?

We need them to do this later, but why at only 10?

You model it through the early teen years (so in this instance they would be accompanied) then once they're ready they do it alone.

Yes I would. It’s a direct train. Kings x will let you through the ticket barriers to see them onto the train if you ask. I see people do this frequently.

100% not a chance.

I think because I did a tonne of stuff and have grown up independent and well.

one of mine is highly anxious and I am kicking myself I didn’t get her to do more. (Covid didn’t help). So with my others I’m definitely pushing them (gently).

it seems to me, anecdotally, that it does kids no harm at all to find and use skills from an early age. I got the bus to school in a city from age 9. I was climbing our local (high ish) hills from age 11.

I have even more gung ho friends getting kids onto buses in cities without phones, to try to improve independence. Age 10.

if they’ve been on trains before and know the process
if they’re being put on train by a family and met on the other side
they just need to sit down for 2 hours and call if any issues?

kids need to do stuff like this to learn independence and life lessons so you could talk through options like if the train gets delayed, stops or something happens and have a plan in place

not really that hard as long as you are confident they can follow instructions and know what to do in event of emergency

100% yes. It's a direct train, very easy and they are 10 and 13!

I was sexually assaulted on a train when I was 12 years old. I had been told what to do if there was ever any trouble but I just froze.

On the other hand my best friends parents were super struct. She didn't get any public transport herself untill she went to university. It doesn't seem to have affected her adversely in any way. Successful career, family life and independent.

Honestly, she seems less fearful than me, and I was left to my own devices from the age of 10.

No. Although at 14 I had to take my two much younger siblings on the train alone. Two hour journey.

No - because I wouldn't leave them home alone together and they're safer there than on a train.

Yes, definitely. I am astonished people wouldn’t. It is a really easy journey and the eldest is 13yrs old for goodness sake! If the something goes wrong, they just have to ask a guard on the platform where to go. If you want your children to grow up confident and capable then you have to actually let them do things.

Kids fly round the world at that age back to families. It's a straight train journey.

Just prebook seats and meet them at the end.

It's no wonder teenage boys grow to be men that seem unable to even tie their laces!

The anecdotal isn't useful, really.

Important to look at research about child development, not anecdata.

I would, direct train, means of telling those meeting at the other end that they are on it, and at Kings Cross easy enough to identify a meeting place if you don't see each other when you get off the train.

Kids fly round the world at that age back to families. It's a straight train journey. This is so different. Airlines require unaccompanied minors to be known to staff. Airlines have tight security and ID checks. Planes are small and no one gets on or off at stops. Staff ratios much higher.

Trains can be total chaos!

Why not? DS10 gets a train after school to a hobby and I meet him there. Involves a change of trains. We live in a capital city. He copes!

Yes. But it depends on the child/children.

For complex reasons DS took the train from Manchester to Bristol alone when he was 11. We put him on the train and his grandparents met him at the other end. He had his phone switched on the whole time and updated us along the way.

DS was always an old head on young shoulders so he was fine. It was his choice and he wanted to do it.

He pointed out that at his age I had regularly taken the train to my father's from Manchester to Hull and back alone. That was a long time ago but well before mobile phones and tracking apps.

A friend of mine had that journey court ordered some years back, after her ex moved. Kids same age. We were all horrified, and it was a lot of stress for their mum.

Its not really comparable yo local transport, when you are near home in familiar surroundings.

Rail industry here 🙋
Assuming they're travelling via LNER.
Alert the guard as they get on as unaccompanied children can be reported to BT police if they're deemed at risk.
Any issues along the way tell them to alert a member of staff.
Personally I think they'll be fine