Are you close to your MIL?

[arlequin]

I'm a mum of 2 boys who are absolutely amazing. I really hope I can continue to be really close to their families if and when they grow up and meet someone.
Are you close to your MIL? I am close with mine although she lives far away so we don't see her as often as we'd like.

Yes, I love my MIL and I'm still close to my ex MIL even though I divorced her son 24 years ago.

I wasn't although she died a few years gp. She was the most negative mood hoover ever.

I was, she was a wonderful woman.

Nope. I don't even have her phone number.

I was a lot closer with mother in law than my mother, she was a lot nicer person, she's been gone 30 years and I still miss her.

I was close to my STBX MIL. Since separating she (naturally) hasn’t wanted to continue that friendship

Nope. I do get on well with her, but the 4,000 miles between us probably helps with that!

No not at all, but then DH is very low contact with her too. She's a bit toxic and very negative and just doesn't seem interested in DH or the DCs at all.

No, not close.

No animosity at all - we are just very different, and have nothing in common.

I can tolerate mine in small doses. 3/4 hours once per month is enough. She lives 5 mins away but she never bothers with us, so I stopped visiting her.

I am fond of my MiL because she is DH’s mum and he loves her. We aren’t ‘close’ but she doesn’t really have particularly close relationships with any of her family beyond DH / SiL / FiL so I’m not surprised by that.

We are very different people. She told DH once when we first started dating that I was good for him because he was a bit of a layabout before we met, but I have never felt like she actually liked me. I’m not posh enough, not career oriented enough, not cultured enough, don’t have the right sort of family or friends, am the wrong religion and get upset too easily. She’s never said any of these things out loud but has made them clear.

I’m not. She’s very unlike me, lazy, negative, gossipy. I made a huge effort with her at the start, got nothing back and then she was rude to my mum and then me when my dad was dying.

we pulled away and had the conversation that she either needed to help when she came to visit or come less often and she chose to come less often.

she’s an old lady now and we see her three times a year.

God no, she sparks anxiety in me when she gets within 100 miles of me. I stole her child and made him live in another part of the country (where he already lived when I met him). Also I 'withhold access' to her grandchildren

No, she is very odd!

I would say I'm close with mine. We see her at least once a week and speak on the phone a few times a week. She is building a lovely relationship with my daughter.

She has a fair few challenging behaviours and I sometimes feel that she attempts to erase me from things.

I began the relationship with her thinking we were building a genuinely loving bond, but realised after a couple of years that deep down, she will always see me as being "in the way" of her relationship with her son.

no, not really. she has a difficult relationship with DH and has always eyed me with distrust.

I think I stole him from her

Not really, she's a nice woman and we get on well when we see each other but it's only a couple of times a year, dh calls her every fortnight and goes over when I tell him he needs to make the effort.

I see my own Mum every day and do feel bad that dh is so rubbish with contacting his parents

and she hasn't seen the DC for 5 years and before that only twice. They are 14 and 18 now

I would love to be but sadly not.

She's not a nice woman.

Yes very, I'm lucky to have such a good'un based on some of the posts I see on here!

She lives in Norway so we only see her in person a few times a year, but she facetimes us often, plays online games with my dd and they've recently started writing to eachother like old fashioned pen pals. She's found ever more creative ways to be a present and loving grandmother, and has been a second mum to me since day one.

I love her to bits!

No. I honour for having produced my lovely DH, but she’s terminally tactless, unimaginative, and bossy. I’ve known her for over 30 years (DH and I met as students), and I trained for/ have been in the same career that entire time, and when I overheard a neighbour asking her recently what I did for a living, she didn’t know!

I have two sons who are now married with children of their own. I get on very well with my daughters in law. We all enjoy spending time together. I don’t blame you for the question though because there’s a lot of MIL hate described on this forum.
I didn’t ever have a MIL and when I was going to become one I was worried I’d get it all wrong and that was what prompted me to join Mumsnet so that I could ask for this community’s advice. There doesn’t seem to be the same issue for mothers of daughters.
How do you get on with your MIL?

Maybe you should focus on developing a close relationship with your sons and not expecting a woman that just met you to arrange time you will spend with them?

MILs that think a woman gets married to pander around someones mum and drag a fucking manchild to socialize are just delusional.

No, she was very difficult to become friends with due to her 'no one is good enough for my golden child attitude'. Thankfully DH does not think he is as wonderful as she did.

No. I have little in common with any of DH's family. I wish them no ill but had we met under any other circumstances I doubt we would have been friends. I don't dislike them and we're always civil but that's as far as it goes. Were DH and I to split up or if he died before me I can't imagine I would stay in touch with any of his family. But that has nothing to do with his relationship with them. He speaks to his parents most days and his siblings every week or two. I see his relationship with his family as being completely independent of me. I guess it would be nice if my children marry partners that I get along well with but I don't think my relationship with either my DD or DSs is dependent on how me and their partners feel about each other. As long as they are happy with each other I'll be happy. Or at least I think so!