Are you close to your MIL?

[arlequin]

I'm a mum of 2 boys who are absolutely amazing. I really hope I can continue to be really close to their families if and when they grow up and meet someone.
Are you close to your MIL? I am close with mine although she lives far away so we don't see her as often as we'd like.

No. We live 3 hours drive apart and we don't see each other very often so I can't say we're close.

@LondonFox I didn't actually specify the sex of the partner! But anyway... if someone's partner doesn't like you, of course that's going to affect dynamics.

Thanks for all responses so far!

My late MIL was the absolute best, such a lovely, caring, helpful person. Better than a mum to me. Wonderful Nan to my boys. I loved her to bits and miss her every single day.

No. She is a pretty constant in our lives. My DH is close to her and she adores my daughter and grandson. She is utterly harmless but we have nothing in common. I’m welcoming hospitable and polite when I see her, but that’s the height of it.

Yes I am, she’s lovely. Closer since having children especially

Yes, much closer than I am to my own mother. She's got a much healthier attitude to life and is just so warm with me. I think just be nice to your sons' partners and bite your tongue if you feel the urge to interfere, and that should go some way to helping you stay close to your sons' families - assuming they decide to have them.

I'm not. I tried a lot in the early days and was met with at best cool politeness and worst rudeness. I think in hindsight she felt it should be dh ringing to arrange catch ups etc. But what she didn't realise was that it was down to me we saw each other as often as we did. Eventually I got sick of it and stepped back. We now see them every month or two and dh does all the arrangements. They occasionally moan that ds is not close to them but that's on them and dh. It's a shame because I'd have loved to be close to them having lost my own parents but you can't force these things. Mil still makes the occasional shitty comments , only to me obviously but I don't think she realises that of course I tell dh.

No, she drives me up the wall! Tbf DH finds her irritating too. We visit once every couple of months and DH goes more often on his own.

I have a nice relationship with my DS's girlfriend though.

My two elder dc are girls and we get on great with their bfs thankfully.

I am, she's like a second mum.

Mine is absolutely wonderful. She's a lovely lady who only wants the best for us all.

She's kind, thoughtful and is someone you would be comfortable asking for advice from.

Despise her more than anything I can describe.

Interfering, opinionated, manipulative, negative, judgemental, selfish and pathetic.

Plays victim constantly. Shit stirs between family.

Was an awful mother to my DH. And her years of manipulation have led to him feeling guilty all of the time which is why she's still a feature in our lives.

Cannot wait for the day I don't have to have anything to do with her ever again.

I wouldn't say we were close, but we get on fine. Mainly because I know how to handle her now. She thinks she's right about everything and I've learned just to nod and smile rather than challenge anything. I think her own DC do the same.

Yes. We get on well. However, she’s a gossip who doesn’t understand why people want to keep some things private,
so I do have to be careful what I tell her.

No, she’s not a bad person but once we had DD she kept suggesting anything “good” about Dd was from her side of the family and “less desirable” traits were from mine. It extended to something as stupid as eye colour (as in claiming blue eyes came from her brown eyed family sort of thing). She also seemed to get emboldened to say critical things as soon as Dh was out of the room. I think she thought before we had DC I wasn’t “locked in” to the marriage so she had to be nicer. She also has some very traditional notions about women (obviously only her DIL’s not her own daughters).

DH laughs about it because he knows it’s ridiculous but it really gets to me sometimes because I feel a bit unfairly picked at. I know I shouldn’t engage in it but I feel a bit defensive.

Honestly just be normal, no weird competitive shit and you will be fine. Be welcoming and not overbearing and just think about how you would like to be treated. There are plenty of people who like their MIL’s quite a lot.

No unfortunately. I really hoped and tried for a relationship with her because my own mother has a lot of mental health issues which make it impossible for her to leave the house and socialise in very standard situations.

But no.... my mother in law has a very narrow range of interests and we are not included in those. She is unkind and bad mouths people (even children) for no reason. She is an absolute devout catholic who never misses mass on a saints day but doesn't have a Christian bone in her body.

I like my MiL but she’s hard to get close to as she was abused when youn her so is generally not open to close relationships. It’s decent though. ExMiL was an interfering piece of work who came between me and my ex constantly

I am not. But DH is not close to her either.

No, I tried my best for 8 years but she is controlling, manipulative, nasty and frankly a bigoted idiot and I’m now no contact.

During IVF, pregnancy and postpartum she said and did some truly awful things, told all and sundry my private medical info and when she didn’t get her way in form would play the victim and cry and strop so much that the rest of the family would try and get us to do what she wanted even though they knew she was being completely unreasonable and crazy.

I was always so close to previous partner’s family, I never thought I’d marry into the Dursleys.

Close in the way that we happy to talk to each other without DH being there, we have a couple of similar interests but not to a point where we would go shopping or having lunch together.

We never lived close to each other, so I think that automatically can create a sort of barrier as there is no way for a closer relationship to develop.

She has a very different personality to me as well.

As a mum to DH, she is great though. Definitely not a hoovering MIL, when DH went to uni 600km away and saw them twice a year, she happily waved him off.

She is a great grandma to DD.

Pretty close, yes. She’s a fuss-arse and she loves an unnecessary drama but she’s also very kind and adores DH, the DC and me as well. She’s never interfered in our relationship and treats me as though I’m as much one of the family as any of the others, even when DH and I hadn’t been together long. I never felt like the ‘new girl on the block’, even tho other sil had been around 5 years or so longer.

I loved mine. She was the most accepting and loving of people. I was so lucky. I learned how to be a mother and grandmother from her. My own mother was no example.

I miss my MIL very much. By the time her great granddaughters were born, she was too far into dementia to be aware. She'd have loved them so much. 😥

Yep. I love my MIL, Shes a lovely woman, kind and caring. Was a great mother to OH and his siblings and now a fantastic grandmother to our children. Shes a bit batty and can be quite old fashioned in her views but inherently shes a lovely person and has been welcoming from the moment I met her. Im very close to my own Mum too so think I lucked out in general

My SIL (brothers wife) is a whole other matter. If she fell off the face of the earth Id give a long wave

I have a wonderful MIL, she had 2 boys. She's the doting Grandma rather than overbearing. Also we have DDs so I think she's enjoyed having baby girls in the family. She's nice and thoughtful and we have a brew and a gossip about her friends (that I don't know) when I see her.