Are you close to your MIL?

[arlequin]

I'm a mum of 2 boys who are absolutely amazing. I really hope I can continue to be really close to their families if and when they grow up and meet someone.
Are you close to your MIL? I am close with mine although she lives far away so we don't see her as often as we'd like.

I thought I got on really well with mil. Then dh and I separated for 6 months (been married for well over 10years!) and she completely dropped me and my two older dc who had considered her as their grandmother (they don't have contact with their birth dad and family). Couldn't even send them a birthday or Christmas card even though she walks past our front door regularly to visit SIL.
Although dh and I are back together now, I won't have anything to do with her. Treat me how you won't, but not my children. They did not deserve that

*want

yes I'm quite close to her but it takes an effort as she has no social skills - probable ASD- for example she called this morning and we spoke for the first time since I returned from 10 days in another country visiting my first,newly born, grandchild and she never mentioned it or asked a question about it. Yet I have oohed and ahhhed and asked follow up questions in response to thousands of stories about her grandchild over the years so she fully understands how grandmothers feel. I'm feeling hurt but I know what she's like so won't dwell on it (too much).

Another recent example is when I told her my friend's husband is very ill and I'm really upset she said nothing. I did mention that she hadn't commented and she responded that she wasn't too bothered as she had taken offence at something my friend did at a party we hosted several years previously and was holding a grudge ( the something was not in any way offensive BTW). In short I am quite saintly for getting along with her and being tolerant and manage by unofficially diagnosing her as being autistic.

Yes - she's absolutely lovely and we message back and forth daily. She treats all her daughters-in-law as if they were her own daughters and has been utterly wonderful since day 1, and incredibly supportive of me since I lost my own mum and dad.

I worship mine

She's everything I want to be-the strongest woman I've ever met

I've never met such a non judgemental,kind,caring,sweet and non interfering woman-she's truly an angel on earth

She is there for us both-she never takes sides (on the surface!we both know she thinks dp farts rainbows and sparkles!)

She had dp and his sister,but when she was aged about 7,she was diagnosed with battens disease

This woman not only coped,she nursed her until her death,while being an amazing wife,mother,sister and friend

She also nursed her husband when he was diagnosed with cancer until we lost him-she did all this with no complaints-She just got on with it

She's the most amazing granny (I've just been made a granny myself and she's my role model)

I met dp and she (and fil) welcomed me into their home and lives and took me into their hearts

she's the first person I ring if something happens in my life-good or bad-i want her to know first (well,after dp!)

She's my best female friend-she's never judged me and is always there if we need her

She's everything I want to be when I grow up (which won't be anytime soon!)

My own mother?
The day she dies,I will throw a street party to celebrate and I'll dance on her grave

We haven’t seen her in about ten years since she physically attacked me in a car park. They’re both terrible people and DH is much happier not seeing them.

No.

We were quite close when we lived over 300 miles away, but once dh and I married and moved closer, her true nature rose to the surface.

She’s not a good person - emotionally manipulative, envious, negative, bitchy, passive aggressive & extremely self centred. Now I understand why her other dc has been nc for over 15 years ago.

We see her every couple of months (even though we only live about 40 mins away) Dh says he gets on better with her the less he sees her. I agree.

Surface level, yes. But in reality she has a nasty edge to her, is small-minded and I pity her sad little life as basically FILs maid/mum.

My MIL doesn't speak english so that can both help and hinder. We are very fond of each other but when we visit her she can be a bit much. My husband is very much a mummies boy and speaks to her every day. He will never stand up to her and take my side. I have learnt to though and even though she might be thrown initially she doesn't seem to take it personally. She is a good, loving person so I try to take her with a pinch of salt.

I really love and respect my mother in law. She lives in another country and we're very different people but we have a lot of mutual affection for each other. She's always fair, kind and reasonable. I love how she loves our children. She'd do anything for them or us.

Haha, I wonder!!! :D

No, not at all. She's perfectly pleasant, and I hope i am with her, but we don't really like each other and don't have much in common. DH rings her every day and visits every couple of weeks, but I don't always go with him.

Yes, I am quite close to my MIL and I find her more relaxing than my own mum.

I like my MIL a lot, she manages a good balance as of course she'd be the first person to kill me if I harmed a hair of her son's head, while agreeing with me he can be a total git sometimes.

She's helpful without being intrusive. She's good fun.

She's also still friends with my husband's ex and manages that well too, as they've been divorced 20 years. All in all a good egg. I don't have kids but she's been an amazing support to her grandchildren.

Mine is my stability. We aren’t overly close in that we don’t talk every day, but her existence just makes me feel secure and knowing she is there for us anytime we need absolutely anything makes me feel safe.

She doesn’t intrude, she makes me feel like a good wife & mum, she provides childcare, she picks me up little treats when she is on holiday, she happily walks around my garden with me looking at my plants which bores everyone else. We are very different people but she’s just a good person and we rub along together well.

Yes - I adore her. She's the mother I wish I'd had.

God no.

I've often wondered this.

I've been on male dominated forums and have never seen any hatred for their FILs.

Even in real life, if I ask a bloke if he gets on with his FIL the answer is nearly always, "Yeah he's alright".

I think when someone tries to intrude and dominate your family, override your decisions and try to make you feel inadequate, then yes, it's a toxic mil.

I'm sorry if any posters find it hard to believe there are many people like this out there who simply like to try and control others.

MN has taught me that there are many MILs and DILs locking horns and trying to piss up the son/husband's leg.

I'm just wondering why it appears to be nearly all women, rather than men.

Yes. Love her. But sadly she has dementia. She was a very full on personality. But great fun & very loving ❤️

What does it mean trying to piss up someone's leg?

I guess it appears to be mostly women on MN but there is a reason why comedians of yore told mil jokes as a stock part of their repertoire.

What does it mean trying to piss up someone's leg?

Placing their scent, as in ownership.

Wonderfulusername

Exactly, and it always seems to be the MIL that is this, that and the other, seems rare for the DIL to say it's a bit of both, or that they might be the problem themselves.

I get on with my MIL, but she's a bit fussy, worrying about everyone and trying to look after people that don't need/want it. If we have ever we've had a few cross words, I believe that it's my doing - it's absolutely my problem if it gets on my nerves, because she is kind and caring and it all comes from a good place.

I adore mine! She lives locally and we see her several times a week. She is our DC's favourite person in the world and they have a sleepover with her every Friday (both teenagers now but have been doing it since they were about 5 and still love it). I would do anything she asks for - I help her with admin stuff like insurance renewals, when FIL died I did all the notification stuff that was necessary for her. I'm very lucky.