What's the most awful thing your parent has said or done?

[Clueless2024]

Lots of posts about family estrangement on MN. What is the worst thing your parent has said or done, what was the straw that broke the camels back?

I'll start. My mum called me a "murderer" for having a miscarriage. Like I had a choice in the matter. She also once asked me why I couldn't just "turn a blind eye" when I discovered my DH was cheating.

These are so awful, I’m so sorry everyone. Are you all NC with your mum/dad?

Literally crying reading all of this. Why are people so cruel, and worst so to their own children

I’m not. My dad passed away and the shit I took off my mum has made me the most ridiculous doormat. I still see her, do things for her, get her gifts etc. it’s been instilled in me from young that I don’t matter, it’s always my fault for taking things the wrong way etc. sadly never ever lost the mindset.

wish I was as brave as other posters

What courage is on these pages, and for every tale told here, I hope it has brought the teller some catharsis.
Also that I believe you, and others here believe you, and are witnesses for you (if that makes any sense).
My childhood issues pale into insignificance in the face of these histories, and that is your gift to me, thank you.
Courageous people, all of you, especially determined to not 'pay it forward' with your own children. I am in awe. 💐

My God! Words actually fail me.

Your mother was nothing short of a monster.

Oh...! This made me feel so sad. I'm so sorry 😞 💔

I am heartbroken at all your posts as well.

But the fact that you can write it down and describe the awful behaviour for what it was, is in itself a victory. Many people would push it aside, absorb it and then become their parents, perpetuating the same stuff they were given, without questioning or rejecting it.
So you all have achieved something, even if you are still suffering from the painful ramifications years on.

Slammed my head down a door when I was fifteen. Then kicked me in the side after I'd collapsed to the floor in a fetal position. I ended up with concussion.

We were estranged for the whole of my adult life and when the bastard died I did not shed a tear.

I’m sorry to read this - it’s appalling. I know a woman whose parents forced her to undergo a similar ordeal at 15. The baby’s father didn’t want to know, so she feared that if her parents threw her out, she’d have nowhere to go.

She wasn’t able to have more children and although she stayed in contact with her parents for the rest of their lives, she never forgave them.

@ItsalwaysNovember I am so sorry. That’s horrendous. You poor girl. ❤️

Mum said told me she regretted marrying my dad. I’ll never forget it. I was 8, we were driving home from a nice day out (rare) and it made me cry.

They’re still married.

Mum called me fat (comfort eating due to stress of bailiffs as a teen).

Yeah my mum’s a piece of work. I’m still in contact though. She is an enigma. Mum can be an absolute evil bitch. She hit us but that wasn’t the worst of it. I could have dealt with that. There were weird sadistic punishments where she tried shoving soiled knickers down my mouth (I had poor hygiene for a time) or when she chucked toilet water on me whilst I showered. But at the same time growing up she was my biggest comfort and protected us kids from the worst of my dad’s anger. And tried spoiling us when she could. Very twisted dynamic. I love her. And weirdly forgive her.

These stories are horrendous.
I can't relate to most on a personal level but

DF - i get shouted at for smiling/ laughing. I looked horrible when I smiled and my laugh was “an annoying titter”

I'm very middle aged and I’m very self conscious about smiling or laughing. if I do I cover my mouth with my hands.

He die when I was 10 and I don’t remember him ever saying nice word to me.

Sorry just to add to above, the weirdest thing my mum did was use the end of a broom
and jam it at my privates (didn’t come close to hurting- I don’t think). She said I never heard of a mother raping her child before, normally it’s the dad. I know there was nothing sexual she just wanted to psychologically scare me.

But typing it out I do feel sad.

@Kayrel Holy God that’s awful ❤️

One of the worst things my mum ever said to me was nothing, when her partner was emotionally abusing me. I’ve dealt with quite a lot of abuse from various people throughout my life – am autistic with adhd, and apparently a magnet for abusers.

But this time, just last year, was particularly damaging because I was in the middle of a potentially life-threatening medical episode and said partner was screaming at me, berating me and essentially insinuating I was exaggerating/malingering. My mum just sat there. The few times she did speak it was to back her partner up. My mum isn’t ~that bad~ compared to some of the horrendous parents described here, but she’s an abuse enabler and she has shown me that I can never trust her.

Broke my arms… (total of 9 times that we know of). Picked me up by the hair on my forehead and hacking into it the day before my first school photos and then dragged me in front of the teacher and the class making a big deal about what “I had done the night before, could you believe it?” and ensuring that I had the photos done anyway to make sure “I learnt my lesson.” She obviously enjoyed that one, because she shaved my eyebrows off the next year. She kicked up a stink in front of the class again, but it didn’t matter in the classroom because I had white blonde hair and my eyebrows were invisible anyway. (Ha!) She also made it clear to me that I was a practice run for the real thing - my younger brother, of course… and they only resuscitated me because they didn’t think she could have children. In hindsight, everyone would have been better off if they hadn’t bothered. I clearly had “brain damage from premature birth and birthing trauma” because I accused her of abusing me. She told police this after my brother stabbed me too.

My mother: Gaslighted me for decades that she was a devoted mother when in fact she was turning a blind eye to the abuse she knew I was suffering as a child/teenager. Then sided with my abuser when I tried to raise it recently and ostracised me from the rest of my family, I'm NC with the lot of them now.

My father: Ran away from his responsibilities when I was a tiny baby and never came back, leaving me with massive issues with self esteem. There's nothing quite like being totally rejected by a parent for effectively fucking a person up before they've even started in life!

My father wrote farewell letters and left mementos to various family members, arranged them on a table and then hanged himself.

The letter addressed to me told me how much he hated me.

Sadly, it was true at the time and I had keenly known it for some time.

I have forgiven him, only because he was suffering from paranoia and cognitive issues due to his illness. But still, it was a dagger to my heart that I carry to this day.

My DF yelled at me, calling me an egomaniac looking for attention because I repeatedly told him to stop winding my ASD DS up. DS was 4, had sharing issues that were being worked on (couldn't manage if someone took something away). DF refused to listen, kept snatching toys from DS & said 'he was teaching DS' - wouldn't listen to DS having ASD & needing a different approach. It blew up & we didn't speak for months until DM called crying that I was keeping her DSC from her & she'd been telling all the family how horrible I was.

I called BS and said she could come any time she liked, just had to make the effort to get off her arse & come over instead of watching tv. She didn't.

Eventually I spoke to them for DC sake. Last weekend I moved my chair, which scraped on their tiles & DF blew up again, saying I did it deliberately to interrupt his conversation with his precious DS (my DB), who was on his (forced) annual weekend visit (his precious DIL didn't even bother to come). DF has obviously forgitten who looked after him when he almost died in an acciden a year ago, and which child turned up for one night, only 'in case he died'.

I don't go past a brief hello now. I've accepted no penis no brain is my DF's mantra & DM has always just been selfish.

My mum kicked me out of her car when I was 13 (in the 1980s) and drove off. I was standing in a car park in a town I didn't know, waiting for her to return. I waited about 45 mins and when she came back she opened the door and said "you were standing there looking like a prostitute".

When I was in my late 40s she told me that child abusers should be "forgiven" and that I knew nothing about it, despite the fact her own father had abused me when I was a child.

There's probably a lot more, but I'll leave it at that.

Fat, thunder thighs, get no where in life, guaranteed I'm pregnant by 18.

He has no one now and hope he dies a sad lonely painful death!

My mum spent hours on the phone to me running my Dad down after she'd discovered he'd been having an affair and eventually spat out, "and you're just like him".

I was 21.

There are plenty more but that one was up there.

Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.

That's criminal. I am so sorry. You were an adult and even if you weren't you should have been able to choose for yourself. That healthcare professionals didn't stick up for you is also horrendous. 💐