What do you teach your daughters about how to walk home safely late at night in fairly empty urban streets?

[loveyouradvice]

Just that really....

Tiny back pack + rape alarm and keys in each hand? Keep alert...

Anything else??

No earbuds/headphones.

I wouldn’t. Sad I know but I just wouldn’t. If she wasn’t in a group, I would tell her to ring me and I would pick her up whatever the time or use a reputable taxi company. Hypothetical as I had a son but I was always willing to go get him whatever the hour.

No shortcuts

Not to do it?

Make sure you can run in the shoes you’re wearing.

Keep to the side of the pavement away from doorways, gates, hedges and alleys.

I would say don’t.

If it's late and very quiet, middle of the road.
Walk opposite direction to traffic
Reflective tag if street not lit.
Lace keys
Shout fire.

I might be an outlier here but just don't wear headphones and be aware of what is going on around her. I've seen so many women post on mumsnet that they are afraid to go out after dark and I don't want my dd to limit herself like that. I live in a pretty safe country, random attacks on women are rare, I personally don't live in fear and I don't want my dd to either.

Just to add to this I don't know how it us in the UK but where I live men are more likely to be the victim of random attacks than women so it isn't just my dd I would be concerned about.

And get out there. Agree with previous posters.
Good shoes/ or no shoes if you need to move quickly.

It's always been rubbish but there's ways of being aware and mitigating risk. Those teenagers end up independent. Better learned while they have a backup lift as reserve option rather than default.

Learning all of this brand new at University is not the best time.

Sensible shoes. Awareness. Walk with confidence. Risk assess. And do it.

And if anyone has said "but men are more likely to be attacked" we're talking about two different things. Men are more likely to be mugged and robbed and of course they need to risk assess their movements. They are much less likely to be harassed or followed or freaked out in a confidence-sapping way when out alone.

There was a stranger rape very close to me last week. Man hiding in bushes dragged her into a garden.

On the back of that, alarm ready in hand and keep away from any bushes or hedges.

Good footwear, no headphones (although that's everyday advice anyway). That's it. My main advice would be stranger attack is extremely rare, do not live your life scared, the world is a wonderful place and most people in it are lovely. Fear can be life limiting, don't carry it.

I wouldn’t teach my daughter to be fearful. I’m not, and I live in Croydon. Ultimately what does being scared of your own surroundings achieve?
I walk away from doors/hedges, I do not wear earphones, I have flat shoes and I keep my wits about me. I go the longer way round to avoid the alleyway shortcut. Fucked if I’m going to be afraid of walking the streets to my own home after a night out.

Wherever possible, don't do it alone. At best, pair up with a friend or group to get one another home, and at worst, always have location-sharing on on Whatsapp. Make voice-noting your friends when you get home a habit among your group so everyone expects it and will check in if it doesn't happen – and have it be a voice note, not a text.

Walk like you're totally confident: make it clear that you know where you're going and you're aware of your surroundings. Look men (briefly) in the eyes as they pass so they know you've seen them and you're not scared.

Stay under streetlights and pass beside shops that are likely to have CCTV.

If anything happens, remember that a sudden, strong exhalation is the best way to bypass the 'freeze' response in your nervous system – which can be a big out-breath, or a shout or scream.

Do not be afraid to make noise, get big and act as crazy as you can. Of course fighting back always carries a risk, but the best thing you can do is be more trouble than you're worth.

I have two boys and a girl (14) and she is already well-aware that it is riskier for her than for her brothers unfortunately. She likes walking on her own (as do I) and it breaks my heart that she has to always be so vigilant. 😥 One thing I have taught her is that she doesn't owe anyone politeness ie on the bus a man sat down right next to her and pushed against her and she didn't want to seem rude by moving as she thought it was accidental. Pretty sure it wasn't.

Might be controversial, I’m not sure, but I feel like we should also be raising our sons to know how to act/behave when they see a lone female walking at night.

I certainly have conversations with my son about this.

The simple steps I take are wear sensible shoes, no head phones and nothing round my neck like necklace or scarf. Look confident.

And if you need help scream fire not rape.

Actually that is a really good point and one I will definitely add to my list - you don't owe anyone invading your space politeness.
Thank you!

Not to. Get a taxi, I’ll pay for it.

In light of Sarah Everard, if someone says they are a policeman/other form of authority and that you should do what they say, you can call 999/101 to verify if they are on duty. If they are legitimate, they won’t mind you doing this.

Exactly the same thing you'd teach your sons. The risk of being a victim of crime is broadly similar across the sexes.

Walk on the road side of the pavement against the flow of traffic (if possible), don't wear earphones, don't wear your hood up, look around you with your head up and not staring at your feet.

I also have a son, thinking about it, it's much, much more important we talk to our sons about this than our daughters. Make sure that are not breaching female boundaries and are aware of female vulnerablities and don't tolerate their friends doing it.

I worry about my teenage son walking home in case he is mugged or attacked. But that's a different to the fear women and girls have or rape and sexual assault, abduction, being physically smaller and weaker makes them vulnerable. It's a completely different scenario. It is fairly rare for it to happen but is still a reality of being female.

Op, if something were to happen we generally have three instincts fight, flight, or freeze. Explain this to DD, if you think she might be in the 'freeze' category try to teach her to override that instinct to run.

If you see people coming towards you nonchalantly cross the road, so you don't have to pass close to them. Don't dawdle, don't show your phone, keep your bag under your arm so it can't get snatched. Don't take shortcuts down alley ways or across graveyards etc. Don't use underpasses. And don't do it unless you really have to.

Edit: Also cross the road if someone is catching you from behind so they don't get to pass close to you, and then allow them to get ahead so you can see them.