What do you teach your daughters about how to walk home safely late at night in fairly empty urban streets?

[loveyouradvice]

Just that really....

Tiny back pack + rape alarm and keys in each hand? Keep alert...

Anything else??

"This is horrific" just to clarify, in regards to her being violent attacked in a safe street.

Once you've experienced something like that there are no safe streets.

Actually, I would question this assumption that walking is less safe.

Message when leaving with eta (message again when home if house empty)
Keep location tracker on
Avoid having a pony tail - easy to grab onto
If something doesn’t feel right just go into anywhere open & wait to be picked up / call taxi

Me too. There was a case in the news where I live in the past week or two of a taxi driver raping multiple women. Life is for living, you can't spend it looking over your shoulder the whole time. Women are far, far more at risk from men that they know than they are walking down the street. Teaching our daughters about healthy relationship and boundaries is the most important thing imo.

I'm very blessed not to live in the UK and a very safe place (obviously things can still happen!) But it is important not to instil fear while taking sensible precautions.

Share your live location when getting home

As a family weve always done that

Lots of advice on the Suzy Lamplugh Trust website: https://www.suzylamplugh.org/Pages/Category/personal-safety-advice

Personally, I walk in the middle of the road on very quiet streets, phone in pocket not in bag, share live location on What's app (usually with other women I've been out with so we can all check each other got home ok), if taking a taxi I message a photo of the number plate to someone, don't be afraid to disturb others- trust your instincts if something feels off then act upon it asap, knock on a door etc. Better to be embarrassed and disturb someone than be attacked.

No music/plugged into anything.

Share location on WhatsApp so I can follow along.

Let a friend know when you get home (so they're expecting a response from you)

Pretend to be on the phone.

Hold keys in hand (ready as a weapon)

Have something in your bag you could use as a weapon including perfume to spray in someone's eyes.

If possible travel with a friend.

@loveyouradvice so sorry I just read your update that your daughter was previously attacked and you want to support her getting her confidence back. I'm sorry she's experienced that.
Definitely self defence classes, rape alarm and also look at nervous system regulation/vagal nerve exercises to cope when she feels anxious about it. I was attacked when I was younger and it shifts something in you, putting you understandably on high alert and vigilance. Somatics and vagal nerve exercises can help combat that.

Also hide expensive jewellery under clothing if you have to wear it at all

carry a whistle.

It's so sad that young girls need to even think about it.

I walked everywhere when at uni, donkeys years ago. I still do, Now I walk home after going to the town pub with my girl friends. I refuse not to. I only Uber when I'm too lazy to walk, say last night train back from London at midnight, post a concert.

The saddest thing is that op has you try to build her confidence again, after dd's attack.

I actually don't know how to encourage that.

Don't do it. I wouldn't either.

@WandsOut - huge compassion for you and I agree... totally at her own pace and her/your boundaries will be very different to those who have been lucky enough not to be attacked.

This is led by her - she is angry and doesn't want the streets to be taken away from her. I am hoping that she can feel more confident in some situations as this is what she wants.

I think I might encourage her to join a uni martial arts society... she used to love them when younger.

@TWmover ...Might you tell me more about vagal nerve exercises and somatics? Which did you do? She is definitely on high alert all the time ....

I agree, its a totally different scenario if she has been attacked and you are trying to get her confidence back.

In general I try to take the attitude that everyone should be free to travel from A to B by whatever means they wish. However being vigilant is a necessary whenever you are in public, day or night. Being alert to your surroundings gives you a chance to react and assess whatever situation you are in.

I try to never use my phone in the street, never wear headphones, look confident and assertive. It's not just predatory men we need to be aware of but errant cyclists, delivery couriers, drunks, people with mental health issues, road rage, phone thieves or those angry with the world in general. We all have to make decisions about our safety constantly.

Always have the money for a cab, always have your phone decently charged.

If you feel unsure when you leave, don't walk, get a cab/phone.

Don't walk alone when you had a drink. Take a cab.

As others said, avoid alley ways, no short cuts, no parks and walk on well lit streets. No headphones and walk, no playing on the phone.

Don't come alone if possible and don't let friends go alone either. My sofa was always available if needed. Otherwise ring me.

One tip I got in a self defence class was not to carry keys as a potential weapon, because it would be all too easy then to lose them & even if you escape, you’re stuck outside unless you can wake someone up to let you in.

Carry a pen instead, you can still use it for jabbing.

I suspect you're more likely to come to harm in the taxi due to the risk of car crashes.

Not very practical when they're at in

FFS. Not very practical when they're at in

Jesus my thumbs - at uni 200 miles away

Ideally don’t walk alone at night unless it’s in a very busy, well lit area. If she had to, sensible shoes, rape alarm, no ponytail, no earphones…so horrible to even be writing this! I live in a really ‘safe’ country but a woman was murdered here when she was out jogging not so long ago. I don’t feel safe walking alone in isolated areas in daylight! Maybe gender fluidity is the future. Maybe men will be less likely to attack women if they’re not 💯 sure it’s a woman they’re about to attack.

For most people it’s not practical to blanket never walk alone when it’s dark
Exactly! I can't afford to get a taxi home from work every day during winter, I'm not sure anyone could. So how can I avoid walking alone in the dark? Quit work? Go part time and finish at 3.30pm? Start living in my workplace once it starts getting dark at my finishing time?