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What do you teach your daughters about how to walk home safely late at night in fairly empty urban streets?

125 replies

loveyouradvice · 02/07/2024 00:14

Just that really....

Tiny back pack + rape alarm and keys in each hand? Keep alert...

Anything else??

OP posts:
fieldsofbutterflies · 02/07/2024 09:13

I think all these posts about alarms and keys and sensible shoes are well-meaning but ultimately (and unfortunately) you could do everything "right" and it could still happen to you.

What I think we need to be careful of is teaching our daughters that they need to XYZ to be safe because in reality, the problem is men, not whether a woman is wearing sensible shoes.

deeahgwitch · 02/07/2024 09:13

Hazeby · 02/07/2024 09:02

Not to. Get a taxi, I’ll pay for it.

Sadly we have had a case recently in Ireland where a 50 year old taxi driver, a father of 7 children, raped girls who had taken his taxi home. 🥲

MrMotivatorsLeotard · 02/07/2024 09:14

I wouldn’t because, to me, it wouldn’t be a risk worth taking. I would encourage her to take a taxi if possible, or cycle if not. Electric scooter. And to never, ever travel home alone when drunk. Just too dangerous.

Why is she having to walk alone late at night? Is it walking to/from shift work?

HowIrresponsible · 02/07/2024 09:14

Tiny back pack + rape alarm and keys in each hand? Keep alert...

That will achieve what?

When you're attacked you tend to freeze.

I'd say don't do it unless you have to.

SidekickSylvia · 02/07/2024 09:26

Hazeby · 02/07/2024 09:02

Not to. Get a taxi, I’ll pay for it.

Same. I have 2 teenage daughters, and they either phone and one of us will collect, or they must get a (licensed, known firm) taxi.

I'm 5'10" and a runner, and I was unable to outrun a male mugger when I was 32 (during the day), due to the element of surprise. You just don't know your instincts until they're tested.

Cheeesus · 02/07/2024 09:30

Make sire nine follows you off the bus, if they do, wait at the petrol station and phone me. Otherwise, just walk home.

Anarkandanaardvark · 02/07/2024 09:34

The risk of being a victim of crime is broadly similar across the sexes.
I think this is relevant for reported crimes. Women are far more likely to be subject to antisocial behaviour, intimidation etc which is not even counted. When I think of scary experiences I've had (man following me telling me he wanted to rape me, groping, leering, blocking my path while running etc etc) they are all things that dh has never experienced and dd is just starting to understand how she is targeted when her brothers aren't.

mardirousse · 02/07/2024 09:40

I have 3 teens: 2 girls and 1 boy. I tell them not to walk down empty streets that aren't residential. In the daytime I point out streets I would feel nervous on alone at night. If they're walking home and feel nervous about someone they should turn into the next clearly occupied house as if it were theirs, ring the doorbell and tell the person they're scared.

In reality, though, there's often nothing you can do.

When I was 21 I was followed in the metro in central Paris on a Sunday morning on the way home. He creeped me out so I changed carriage and thought I had lost him. When I walked into my apartment building I felt someone behind me and held the door for them. Then, going up the stairs he threw me against the wall, tried to assault me, and (probably accidentally) stabbed me in the neck with my key that I was holding in my hand. He ran off when he saw the blood. Police were useless.

That was broad daylight in a nice part of Paris, I had my key in my hand and that was what hurt me. I needed stitches. (the key was in my hand to open my apartment, though, not for protection).

In hindsight I'm sort of glad it happened then, and not at night as I would have then been afraid to ever go out at night again. I was forced to carry on living my life as never leaving the flat again wasn't an option.

Favouritefruits · 02/07/2024 09:52

I think a bike is the best idea, makes them a less easy target and they can cycle fast to get away if needed.

Donkeyokay · 02/07/2024 09:55

Tell someone where you are, where you're going and when you plan to be there and your planned route (this would have saved poor Michael Mosley!)

If you do the walk regularly, vary your timings and route.

Ski2025 · 02/07/2024 09:56

Get an Uber if you are on your own.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 02/07/2024 09:57

Don't.

stronglatte · 02/07/2024 10:00

Go up to any woman and ask for help .. no headphones and basically don't get caught out late on side roads ..

stronglatte · 02/07/2024 10:02

We live in London so had to talk to my daughter about what happens if a policeman stops you at night which is totally different to the conversation I've had with my sons about when they police stop them at night.

Pigeonqueen · 02/07/2024 10:05

I have been attacked on my way home in south London along a main road at 7pm.

The thing that made a big difference to me was having the foresight to put my phone in my pocket instead of my bag. After they attacked me they took my bag and ran off with it but I still had my phone so was able to call for help. I always drum it into dd (age 21) to never keep her phone in her bag when walking home alone - and mostly I tell her just to not walk home alone.

coldcallerbaiter · 02/07/2024 10:07

Hazeby · 02/07/2024 09:02

Not to. Get a taxi, I’ll pay for it.

I know, but my dd is scared of taxi drivers.

BobbyBiscuits · 02/07/2024 10:13

I wouldn't think they would need any precautions whatsoever. Other than have a phone on you and don't look fucking lost and try not to be absolutely pissed out your mind.
I was taught road safety as a child, but never precautions against marauding rapists. It didn't seem necessary. Anything bad that happened to me has been with people I knew, almost always.

HowIrresponsible · 02/07/2024 10:14

coldcallerbaiter · 02/07/2024 10:07

I know, but my dd is scared of taxi drivers.

You mean people doing a job? Who made her be scared of them?

Beansandneedles · 02/07/2024 10:16

Thought this woman had some good advice: www.tiktok.com/@caffinatedkitti/video/7133237739390078250

WhereToStartAgain · 02/07/2024 10:17

FanofLeaves · 02/07/2024 08:55

I wouldn’t teach my daughter to be fearful. I’m not, and I live in Croydon. Ultimately what does being scared of your own surroundings achieve?
I walk away from doors/hedges, I do not wear earphones, I have flat shoes and I keep my wits about me. I go the longer way round to avoid the alleyway shortcut. Fucked if I’m going to be afraid of walking the streets to my own home after a night out.

Edited

What's different about your reply to all of the others? Who hear is suggesting teaching fear? You’re doing just what others are suggesting.

FanofLeaves · 02/07/2024 10:20

WhereToStartAgain · 02/07/2024 10:17

What's different about your reply to all of the others? Who hear is suggesting teaching fear? You’re doing just what others are suggesting.

Have you not seen all the posts saying

‘don’t’ ,

‘call for a lift’

’get an Uber’

‘get a bike to cycle away quickly’

‘never walk alone’

then? Or did I imagine those ones?

coldcallerbaiter · 02/07/2024 10:20

HowIrresponsible · 02/07/2024 10:14

You mean people doing a job? Who made her be scared of them?

She feels Uber drivers are invetted. She had a small uncomfortable journey once but also has heard stories from friends, maybe media etc.

I would prefer she got a taxi, but I understand they may not be 100% safe tbh.

Peonies12 · 02/07/2024 10:22

DogInATent · 02/07/2024 09:04

Exactly the same thing you'd teach your sons. The risk of being a victim of crime is broadly similar across the sexes.

Walk on the road side of the pavement against the flow of traffic (if possible), don't wear earphones, don't wear your hood up, look around you with your head up and not staring at your feet.

This. I have taught both my children not to live in fear. You can’t be constantly passing fear to them, it’s so unhealthy. Do you let them go in the car? As that’s statistically the thing most likely to harm or kill them. I’ve never felt scared walking anywhere

Anarkandanaardvark · 02/07/2024 10:26

Favouritefruits · 02/07/2024 09:52

I think a bike is the best idea, makes them a less easy target and they can cycle fast to get away if needed.

True but I also know of 2 teenagers killed on their bikes recently. There is no worry free option!

Cats1234567 · 02/07/2024 10:27

self defense lessons as well as all the other things suggested here, I think it’s a useful back up. I am thinking of getting self defense for myself as well as DD, you never know when you could need it.