What do you teach your daughters about how to walk home safely late at night in fairly empty urban streets?

[loveyouradvice]

Just that really....

Tiny back pack + rape alarm and keys in each hand? Keep alert...

Anything else??

Never to do it. It's really that simple. I make sure my daughter has the money for a taxi or can call me/her brothers/my husband at any time of night if really stuck. I wouldn't walk home alone at night - ever. It's not worth the risk.

Carry keys in your dominant hand splayed between your fingers.

Walk confidently, with purpose and with awareness of everything around you.

No headphones

If walking alongside overgrown hedges etc. keep as far from them as you safely can.

If you think you're being followed, head for the nearest shop/pub and wait there for a lift.

Always wear trainers for doing this walk.

Bag needs to be rucksack or cross body so that you're hands free.

Never walk home drunk.

I've walked around London, Hull, smaller towns in the NE and SE and along country roads at all hours in this fashion and rarely had an issue. I have been followed twice but headed into a shop both times and told the staff why.

I think something that might have helped is that from a distance, often it's probably not that obvious that I'm female because I walk fast and wear trainers. Obviously we shouldn't have to consider how we dress but if it's obvious from a mile off that you're a female, staggering along slowly in heels, carrying a little handbag in one hand etc. a predator is more likely to spot you.

I tell her not to walk home on her own, get a taxi or one of her brothers or her dad will walk up for her if she’s at the local pub! When she was at uni she felt safer walking back because there were lots of people about. She’s not particularly worried but if one of us is about we’ll work it out 😊

It’s not living in fear, it’s risk assessment. Assuming all things are equal, I have the free choice to walk home or get a taxi. Why would I take the more risky option?

When you say ‘night’ though- obviously you’re aware that’s often dark by 4pm in the winter? What if you have a commute and your train gets in at 7 or whatever and you have a short walk home? Surely you wouldn’t advise an Uber for that just because it happens to be December and dark? What’s the cut off point for when it’s dangerous and ‘night’?

Dont let anyone tell you you can’t walk. Walk anywhere at any time, it’s your world as much as anyone else’s.

Always take your torch, and spare batteries, look both ways before crossing the road, try to use crossings, let people know when you are going to be back, never enter a body of water, stay close to the woods when walking on the canal, know your tides, stay away from the cliff edge.

If you are using the fields think about what the weather has been like because of the areas that flood and for gods sake watch out for the rabbits and ankle turners.

I have lived all across London and thankfully have never had an issue walking home late at night. Both my DSs have been mugged in daylight. There was a young lady attacked near me at 9am.

Unfortunately there's no "safe" time and you can't live your life always in fear. So the advice is generally walk with purpose and confidence, always take a jacket or cardi to cover up on the way home if you're wearing revealing clothes for clubbing, maybe a fake pair of specs (honestly the difference in how people used to look at me when I was wearing contacts vs glasses), have hair tucked away, wear trainers or flats and most importantly hand over wallet etc if confronted, always tuck at £10 note in a separate pocket so you can get home.

Can you not understand why a young, lone female would feel vulnerable locked in an enclosed space with a strange man?

eye that's what we should be saying really.

I mean I could give some of the advice on this thread but ultimately I frequently walk home alone late at night with head phones down alleyways and through parks and fields so they'd not listen anyway.

Statistically sexual assaults are more likely with someone you know. So calling your dad, brother, boyfriend, uncle, boss, co worker etc for a lift home or walking home with them is it any safer really ? Statistically speaking before I'm puled on for accusing all your husbands if potentially attacking your dds.

I don't like this " walk home in a group" advice.

Who gets the last girl home. Do u play rock paper scissors to determine which female friend will be offered up as the sacrifice after getting everyone else home ? How lovely...

Get her the book “The Gift of Fear.” The advice in it is absolutely invaluable. It teaches you to listen to your instincts.

@FanofLeaves I never walk anywhere after dark alone - it's very easy to avoid! It's always safer to walk with someone else or in a group. After years of incidents including harassment, being followed and close calls (experienced by both my friends and I) I decided it's just better not to. I don't live in a particularly 'safe' city though.

Not really practical. Apart from the cost, taxis won't take you a short distance.

I should have said she was attacked in a "safe local street" after dark just 3 years ago... quite violent... she is getting back her confidence and I want to help her build it.

Absolutely I will always give her lifts or fund an Uber (though she is more reluctant to take this) - equally I want to help her not live a life of fear....

so perhaps I should have asked about helping her get her confidence back...

@Anarkandanaardvark I've never found it an issue.

I would always say don’t. Stay with friends and if your friends aren’t planning to stay together, don’t go out. I only ever went out with people I knew wouldn’t leave me at the end of a night and when I went to uni I’d openly ask if we were going to stay together or get a cab back together etc. I also only went out in large groups to ensure someone would inevitably still be with me.

I don’t teach my dd to live in fear, I teach her that bad things do happen but are much more likely to happen in a. Bad places and b. In places ripe for opportunity. Nighttime is one of these opportunities sadly. So don’t take the risk.

For most working people or anyone who goes out at night then it’s not easy to avoid at all. In the winter for a start you’d never be able to leave the house after 4pm or travel home from work. My friends live nowhere near my house! Even if they did, walking home together ultimately leaves one person their own anyway! For most people it’s not practical to blanket never walk alone when it’s dark.

Stand tall, walk briskly and confidently.

Know where to put your elbows, knees, feet, if it comes to it.

I can't advocate women restricting their lives because of the behaviour of men and we know the biggest risk to women, by far, is still the men they know and trust.

I went to an all girls boarding school. We were taught self defence before we left. I had to use it on a drunk customer a few years later who kept grabbing me from behind. I asked him politely twice to stop, the third time he grabbed me I stamped in the middle of his foot with my heels and slammed my elbow back into his balls. He went home very quickly and I never had any more trouble with him after that. We were also taught to poke our fingers in attackers eyes (if no glasses on!!)
I taught my friends daughter's these techniques.!

As a single woman often out in a group. I find I'm often encouraged to let men I don't know particularly well see me home. Those men actually carry much higher risk than being attacked by someone unknown because I was alone.

If I had a daughter she would be told she is probably safer out walking the streets than with people she knows (statistically) so other than not using loud ear pads or headphones just be normal

I always look to the CSEW data rather than police reported data. Whilst there are differences for specific types of crime (e.g. sexualised crime) the risk of violent crime whilst walking down the street is not much different between the sexes. I was interviewed as part of the CSEW a few years ago, so I'm confident their data is reasonably accurate.

The important thing is situational awareness. Not shutting yourself off from the street around you by putting your headphones on and pulling your hood up, hoping that you can make yourself invisible. And that goes for males as well as females.

All the don't do it people, you're assuming everyone lives with someone who can get you home safely. A parent, husband etc. If not, someone has to be last and they'll be time when you go out alone. I'm far more comfortable walking alone than getting into a taxi alone.

When I lived in London I went on a short self defence course, run by the Met police. Lots of the above suggestions were put forward as well as some physical self defence.
Something, I’ve always remembered was that the little finger is a vulnerable, weak and painful spot if bent back. So if there’s physical contact with an attacker, bend the little finger back if you can. A body kick where it’s painful and then run as fast as you can.

I've not read the whole thread as I find it a bit triggering for personal reasons. But I've just read your last post OP - This is horrific - she's not going to feel safe at night walking around and it's not something that she should have to do if she's scared.
Unfortunately OP this happened to me when I was younger and it absolutely does limit what you feel like you can do, so I don't walk around late at night from anything - I stay at a friends or don't go.

Safety is more important than anything else. I can't get Ubers either as I've been assaulted in a cab.

Unfortunately it's not a safe world and though others may disagree, it's really up to your daughter as to how she manages her feelings of safety and not about trying to get her to be more confident but maintaining what she needs to do to be safe. And sometimes that means not taking any risks.