Best nugget of parenting advice you ever received?

[Justaworriedmum]

I’m curious about everyone’s best bits of parenting advice… I have a 1 year old so I’m approaching the more tricky bits of parenting!

@FaintlyMacabre this is utter genius and will save toddler and myself much stress as stickers are very much the current love here.

My contribution is that it very often doesn't matter if the planned activity doesn't get done or gone to. Save the stress for when it really does matter ie a doctor's appointment, and decide that if the toddler wants to walk super slowly to playgroup and miss half of it, sometimes that's ok. Walking along slowly looking at things can have just as much value as a play session.
If toddler won't participate in play dough because he wants to roam about in garden AGAIN, does it really matter. Nobody is going to give you a certificate at the end of toddler hood for having provided x amount of excellent stimulating activities. Nobody else cares.

Don't meet their negative energy with your own negative energy! It's very tempting to shout if they're shouting/raise your voice/be angry with them but it's like a magnet, you need to be the opposite to calm them down and draw them to you for emotional regulation.... Easier said than done, I just have a little mantra that says "hear what they're saying, say it back, role model dealing with it"

When you speak to them, remember you are creating their inner voice and how they’ll speak and treat themselves in the future

Other people don’t parent your children. Listen to ideas, decide what sounds like it may work for you and give it a try.

just because doing something worked for little Johnny does not mean it works for everyone.

and don’t be afraid to make mistakes we all do.

Pick your battles
And
The dust will still be there when they've left home

Listen to all the small things they tell you (without overreacting), or they won’t tell you the big things.

Love this

Very, very true

Don't hold grudges, i.e when they've been horrible to you they'll forget it quickly, and you need to too

say no, mean no! Say yes, mean yes

I wasn't feeling great this morning (CFS) and threw a right wobbly when I spilled an entire bowl of salad whilst getting it out of the fridge. All over the floor. I cried, and told off DH who was only trying to help. I ended up in bed overwhelmed, like a toddler. DS (14) came and held my hand sympathetically without saying anything.

Perhaps not great modelling there but I must have done something right in the past on how to help when someone is melting down : )

My advice is to try and have many ways to let them know you cherish them.

By deed or words. It's all too easy to get stuck on pointing out the negatives like they have left their lunchbox in their bag from yesterday or not flushed the loo (again). Balance it out with letting them know the positives and unconditional love that is often unspoken.

Just like Rocky Kanaka does when he befriends dogs (always makes me well up watching him work with a sad dog). No great gushing just some practical good affirmations. I always like to tell DCat 'You know what? You do an excellent job of being a cat.' Same with DS.

happyyouhappyfamily.com/cute-ways-to-say-i-love-you/

As they come into the room smile at them and look happy to see them …. Not something I did but wish I had more.

5 DC, 3 now grown up, would say they have all been charming (and challenging) in their own unique ways and also that this changes over time. Have learned over the years to just respect their unique mix rather than get frustrated by them or be overly anxious. Also just pace myself to be able to cope with and be more effective at dealing with the challenges rather than try and be some kind of superwoman. As well as take the time out to be able to actually enjoy the most of the enjoyable bits of parenting!!

This!!

It's only in hindsight I now realise how much ridiculously competitive parenting was going on in the primary school years!

To quote Bear Grylls (not a particular fan but agree with him on this):

Example, example, example.

Dc see everything and teens have a finely tuned hypocritic radar. You cannot be an effective parent if you don’t actually do what you say or preach.

Don't wish the next next stage
Everything is a phase
Chose your battles
Kids need to try food 10 times to decide if they like it