Best nugget of parenting advice you ever received?

[Justaworriedmum]

I’m curious about everyone’s best bits of parenting advice… I have a 1 year old so I’m approaching the more tricky bits of parenting!

Lower your standards

Before we even adopted DD, I was fretting about all the years ahead. A friend told me to focus on the here & now & the future would take care of itself.

No child has ever read the parenting book.

(And some kids activity go against it - eg autistic kids needing tv to regulate or iPads to communicate)

Be consistant and don't listen to advice

Pick your battles. That goes for everything from food to tidy bedrooms. If your toddler will only eat cheese spread sandwiches for every meal, make cheese spread sandwiches for them. If you can't see your teenagers bedroom floor because it's covered in clothes & wrappers, fuck it. Close the door so you don't have to look at it.

Be consistent with rules. Don't be afraid to say No, you can talk through why afterwards but stand firm with your decision. Once they understand your boundaries are flexible then they will continue to push or ignore your rules.

A big one for me was to talk through what is happening so there are few surprises. Talk through the upcoming day, give 10 minute and 5 minute warnings before you are leaving/ changing activities/ nap time/ dinner time so they can be prepared for the change, especially if it's something fun like leaving soft play.

I'm an advocate of screens. My DC watched CBeebies, it's pretty educational. We had the subtitles on whenever the TV was on, both DC had a higher than average reading age through primary school.

Toddlers love giving makeovers...

Lie on the floor & let them go nuts on your face & hair with old eye shadows, mascaras, face paints, bobbles, etc. Just make sure there's no scissors or permanent markers in reach.

It keeps them happily occupied for a good quarter of an hour & you get a nice lie down.

Bonus points if you keep it all on until your OH/older dc come home & get them to pretend not to recognise you. This is hilarious apparently.

On a similar note, “be respectful of who they are”.

DC are not products you’re perfecting, you’re helping them to find and unfold themselves.

Never get into the "whose life is more shit " argument with your partner.

Put them in bright coloured clothing, like a yellow or orange tshirt. Makes it much easer to spot your child across a park or in a busy playground.

My DD loved this (still does aged 11). One time I didn’t pay enough attention to what she was doing and my whole face got covered in grey eyeshadow. It was extremely macabre!

With babies and/or toddlers, try to leave the house before 12. Especially if you’re having a difficult day. It makes everything better.

I love thos one!

This is what my friend told me, except she added "like a kidney stone, though"😂

“If you can’t look after yourself, make sure you look after the mother of your children”. From our neighbour, who’s a retired midwife.

When your dc are grown you'll never regret being too soft but you will regret being too hard on them
So if in doubt be soft.

• Never give in to a tantrum....ever. Even if you change your mind, it will be better in the long run to stand your ground.
• Don't let them down. If you say that you will do something/something will happen then stick to it. If you are not 100% sure that it can happen then say "maybe" or "I will try".
• Read to them every day.
• Listen to them. Get down to their level and really listen to what they have to say. Make sure they feel heard.
• Stay calm and keep your attitude bright and breezy. Even when they are screaming in the middle of the supermarket and you want the ground to swallow you up. Fake it till you make it. Remember that a lot of the people around you will have been there, done that themselves and sympathise. Those that haven't are in no position to judge and their opinions are irrelevant.
• Don't always choose the easy option. Putting the work in when they are small will pay off as they get older.
• Don't compare. Remember that we are all winging it.

Don't make competitions between siblings, like who can get ready first etc. you will make them enemies not friends

Don't give food as a comfort or reward

Your default answer should be yes.
If they want to read/play/cuddle make your automatic answer yes unless there is a reason to say no.
I had to learn this and it wasn't easy.

Just as there isn’t only one way to be a good wife, daughter, sister, friend, so there isn’t only one way to be a good mother. You are allowed to be yourself, whether that means tracking every nap in a spreadsheet or not having a routine at all, or your idea of fun is a kitchen disco or reading Thucydides together. It’s all good. You don’t have to fit yourself into an “average mum” mould.

You can't spoil a child with love

Pregnancy isn’t an illness. (Old and experienced NHS gynaecologist).
They’re not made of porcelain, in fact they prefer a confident touch. (Paediatrician)
Sing to them, read a book and cuddle before bed (DM).

They need you when they’re teenagers, too. (me, from experience)

Do not make mealtimes into a battleground. You won't win and it will be horrible for everyone and could lead to long-term issues around food, which is a terribly difficult problem to solve. If you have a picky eater (as I did), look carefully at what they will eat and if it looks as if it will just about provide all the nutrients they need, it will do. (If it doesn't, seek medical help.) My son is nearly 6', 30 now, eats just about anything. He gradually widened the range of what he was willing to try in his teens, probably because of peer influence. I knew he'd turned the corner when he came back from university and casually mentioned that his favourite food at the moment was calamari.