Best nugget of parenting advice you ever received?

[Justaworriedmum]

I’m curious about everyone’s best bits of parenting advice… I have a 1 year old so I’m approaching the more tricky bits of parenting!

The baby manual? The baby hasn’t read it. Kept me sane that

Stay in your own lane

Told by my GP. Take time to just enjoy your baby (when i was anxious).
DH and I remember DC's baby, toddler and child years as the best fun we had ever had.

Do your best and don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t always the perfect parent, just make sure they are safe, happy and know they are loved.

• The days are long but the years are short - it will pass.

• Leaving them to fuss for a second won't kill them

• You're important too

• All things in balance

• Pick your battles and say yes when you can.

Say yes as much as you can, let them walk along the wall holding your hand even when you want to hurry up. When you say no, mean it.

Read to them every night and in the day, as much as you can to avoid screen times when they are little, snuggle up with books when they are sick etc - I've done this and my DC now 10 and 12 always read before they go to sleep pretty peacefully and they are both exceeding English targets in school.

McDonald's not more than three times a week.

You and your children's other parent don't need to 'be on the same page' about everything all the time. Yes it makes life easier, but you can waste a lot of time trying to get someone on the same page as you, and in fact, children adapt quite well to different approaches and learn how to cope.

Lots of good advice on here that I'd agree with. The most helpful thing I ever read was to remember to only deal with the moment and not what it triggers for you. So, for example, if/when your child has a tantrum, your brain is going 'OMG this is so embarrassing, I'll never be able to take them anywhere, they'll always be disobedient, if I back down now they'll never behave, everyone thinks I'm an awful parent etc etc' you'll be really emotional and stressed dealing with the behaviour. If you just think, right I need to deal with x behaviour right now it's much easier. Similarly, if they won't eat their dinner, it's easy to go off on 'they'll always be a fussy eater, won't get their vitamins, I've not weaned properly etc' rather than just a calm, ok have a breadstick.

Basically recognise why your experiences make behaviours triggering for you and try not to over react

thats fantastic advice!!!

My advice is this

"The babies haven't read the books"
When i told health visitor that I'd read in a book that ds should become been doing xyz by now

I wasn't sure if it made sense! The thing I actually read was much clearer! It's a slight exaggeration to say it changed my life but it did help massively - I had 3 DC in 5 years and was quite shouty when they were little. - this completely changed how I approached everything

"Everybody fed, nobody dead?" Then you are winning. Told to me when i had two under two.

it makes sense to someone who has been on a similar journey away from shouting/catasophising and to dealing with the moment not the mountain :D

Don't paint yourself into a corner!

If you are not willing to actually see through the threat don't say it, pick your battles, it's very very easy to find yourself in an absolutely ludicrous stand off with a stubborn toddler. One minute you'll be thinking yay we're off to an activity where I'll be able to sit and have coffee and cake, chat with my friend and you'll be burning off energy so I hopefully get a bit of quiet time this afternoon.

The next minute you're standing in the hallway of your house, feeling like you want to either laugh or cry hysterically because you've told your toddler that 'We are not leaving this house till you've put your coat on!' They've said no, you feel like you made such a definitive statement you have to see it through, you're going to be late, it's actually not that cold and it's dry so a coats not really necessary but you're stuck.

Decide early on i.e. now, what your non-negotiables are going to be - and stick to them. Obviously there are some that aren't relevant yet but when they come up, decide what the rule is - and be firm. For example, ours have always been: we sit down to eat, preferably at the table; don't disturb anyone before 7am unless there's a genuine problem (obviously that's from toddler/pre school years onwards, not babies); we take our plate to the sink after a meal; we don't slam doors or play on the stairs; screens after school for an hour and then they go off... Our kids have known these rules from the start, so they don't break them. When I see parents struggle with kids (not counting SN) it usually turns out that there are no rules or the rules are inconsistently enforced. Honestly, it works if you stick to it.

This too. While it might seem contradictory to my post, it's not. That's where the bit where you decide. Decide what's important to you and stick to it. Don't make rules when there's no need because you won't be able to enforce them and then you're forced into being inconsistent.

Prep dinner & do jobs in the morning when you have more energy before the witching hour!

Cbeebies is your friend (& your kids won’t get square eyes)

It's OK to ask for help if you need it. I learned that the hard way in the depths of pnd, when DH basically staged an intervention and sent me off to the GP. The gp listened to me sob for 20 minutes about how I was a terrible mom, and then told me to stop trying to do it all alone and it was OK to ask for help.

The other bit of advice I live by is, you can't spoil them with cuddles and love. The midwife told me that when ds was just a few days old, but I think it's true at any age.

You must dip the dummy in whiskey.
Just joking, that was one I didn't adhere to. Grandparents eh.

I think being told not to listen to anyone and do what I wanted was the best advice.

I didn't receive this- but I would hand it out to anyone nowadays. Don't fall into the "my little family" mindset. It's good for babies to meet lots of people- they can't have too many people who love them. They'll always love you best, however many people hold them. And there are times (sorry, Mumsnet!) when making sandwiches and cups of tea while someone else holding the baby you've been holding for 10 hours feels like a two week holiday!

When competitive parents tell you how much more marvellous their dc is than yours, smile sweetly and agree with them.

Waking in the night is perfectly normal and you should expect it. Don't worry about it. If you expect no sleep any sleep is a bonus. It passes and you will be waking them up for school soon enough. Very very true.

Don't worry too much.

My son was a geeky child, and had few friends when young, which he seemed to mind, and I did worry. He's now 26, and has a lot of friends and crucially, values himself so will talk to a friend if the relationship isn't working well, rather than putting up with not being treated with respect.

Give them lots of your time when they want it, but let them be themselves - if they don't want to play football let them not.

And I echo what others have said about resisting competitive parenting. Not every child wants to practice the violin. The children have to be happy with their lives. If you encourage them to make their own decisions, and be enthusiastic, they will feel more in control of their lives.

Echoing everyone else who said pick your battles. Let the unimportant things slide and only double down on things like holding hands when crossing the road and brushing teeth twice daily.

Related; don't threaten consequences you're not willing to carry out. They know you're not going to leave Legoland half an hour after arriving, so there's no point threatening to.