Husband said 'nice comb-over' to a man at a work drinks event

[Ramsgarthy]

My husband was at a networking drinks event for lawyers last night in London.

He is from Northern Ireland and when another man heard his voice, they said to him, 'you sound like you should be on Crimewatch'.

I understand that this was meant to be a joke (the idea being that he sounds like he's from the IRA). it is not a great joke.

But my husband replied sarcastically, 'nice comb-over', referring to the man's attempt to cover up his bald patch.

The man replied, 'now you're getting personal'.

No drinks had been had at this stage.

I think my husband's reply about the comb-over was unkind and uncalled for, because it was about his personal appearance, and would make him feel self-conscious. Do others agree?

May be in the minority here, but don't think either comments were especially offensive! Just joking around. Comb-over was in the wrong to get upset - it's hardly life ending is it, a joke? All a bit dramatic & unnecessary.

Because they are both nasty.

I don't think personal insults are acceptable.

Your husband was right! The idiot he met will think twice in future before he opens his mouth. Likely he has gotten away for far too long saying what he likes to people

Team DH. I would be really pissed off if my spouse didn’t have my back.

The comment by the other man was xenophobic and related to a protected characteristic so was much worse. The bloke saying “now you are being personal” needs to look in a mirror (at his personal attack and his shit comb over)

Frankly, I think your husband’s response was a lot milder than it should have been. If someone says something as offensive as that about an Irish accent, they deserve to be told something a lot more fucking ‘personal’ than ‘nice comb over’.

I am not English and taking the piss out of accents is personal and in this case clearly anti-Irish. I am with your husband. I just wish I could think of the witty responses in the moment. Well done him.

I think it's a cultural thing. I'm Irish and I think that's a totally standard retort for that sort of comment, but a common outcome in Ireland would be for both men to laugh and then start a conversation. My English friends can't believe how rude I am to my family but it's just how we talk to each other - usually the more vicious you are to someone the more you like and trust them. I've slowly trained some of my English friends to accept insults as a form of affection.

Had someone said something like that to me I would take it as a very friendly overture - I wouldn't necessarily have responded but if I had it would have been with the worst insult I could think of and that would be a signal that I wanted to carry on the conversation.

The comb over guy deserved a decent retort for suggesting your husband is in the ira. That’s so offensive.

Comb over man was xenophobic. Your husband was a dick but within his rights, in my irish opinion.

Oh yeah but he's Irish. You can say anything to them and theyll laugh about it. They're a nation of drunks/layabouts/potato eaters/ terrorists. They're not right in the head. What's the problem?

I would be apoleptic with rage if someone said something like that to me. Someone was fired for speaking to my uncle in a serious manner. You should have your husband's back on this - it's a disgusting way to treat NI people and sadly happens too often. If my husband didn't support me on this, I'd feel so let down!

That crimewatch comment is the type of ingrained prejudice ignorant folk pass off as banter. Your husband was v restrained. Really it is a shame you don’t see the original comment for the prejudicial discrimination that it is. All you’ve took from this is some misplaced sense of manners and your petty indignation at a perceived deviation from expected manners

I'm sorry but that is bullshit. I am also Irish and love a good slagging but I would never ever make a jibe like that at a person from the north. I understand the trauma that is still present right below the surface and the appalling treatment of all people on our Island by the British establishment. There is no way in fucking hell that that is a "friendly overture". I wonder what age you are.............

The first man was deeply offensive. And in 2024 still an Irish joke. 🙄.

your husbands only mistake was his comeback was slightly weak but I think he’s right to stick up for himself.

Team DH too. I think he was pretty mild on his response to a really shitty joke.

I don't get your comment about personal appearance. The man took the piss out of your DH's voice / accent. An intrinsic part of him and his identity. That's pretty bloody personal to me.

If you were a NI person at a professional networking event in London, you’d find a remark from a (presumably English?) person in your field to the effect that your accent made them think you were a member of a violent terrorist organisation a ‘friendly overture’?

And let’s not even go with what it might imply that a lawyer at a professional event thought it was ok to air his ethnic and class prejudices about a fellow-lawyer.

Another vote here for your husband’s come back.

If it was said on the street it would be a different thing but at a networking event the assumption is that people are there to make connections and be friendly. I've had people mock my accent as an opening gambit - it doesn't mean I'm going to like them but I'll accept it as an initial attempt at being friendly. I'm not from NI so potentially the crimewatch element is more offensive or meant more aggressively - it's hard to tell without knowing the tone.

Only if they took my insult back. If I insulted them and they reacted badly then I'd think they were a total dickhead.

This in spades

But in terms of whether the DH was wrong or not, I'm saying my automatic reaction to a comment like this would be to throw back the worst insult I could think of, so I would say he reacted normally, from my point of view.

Just think,the lawyer who made the insulting crimewatch comment has a responsibile role potentially with clients of Irish heritage. So, if that is how he is socially, imagine what a hot seething mess of prejudice he is concealing at work

How is it better at a networking event? If anything its way worse! A fucking english man calling his peer a terrorist? You don't need to be from NI to know its an appalling thing to do. Sure you have people on this thread making comments about "Paddies". Imagine that was done for any other nationality/race? It is not banter.

Good for your husband .

They were both rude but to be honest I find what your colleague said, a million times more offensive! It's absolutely outrageous and xenophobic to joke that an Irish person might be a member of the IRA. It makes your colleague seem really ignorant - like they've never met anyone with an Irish accent before.
I don't really blame your DH for coming back with a spiteful reply.

Yes, exactly. It’s an appallingly revealing comment.