Just a little moan about school reward trips

[Deathfingers]

Just want a vent because I can't vent to the school.

Ds year 7 missed out on the reward trip because of behaviour points. Fair enough I guess, they are all for low level things e.g. not having his blazer on at the right time, pen not working and no spare, low level backchat to teachers occasionally. Parents evening they all said hes a good kid, just some minor things but nothing bad and they all said they have a soft spot for him, which was really nice to hear.

Have found out that his pal, who landed another kid in a&e after a fight and is one of 2 kids who were pretty horrid to another kid who ended up having to move class, gets to go, as does the other kid, because they haven't had as many minor behaviour points.

DS now can't understand why he can't go because he's not had a pen or been 10 secs late to a lesson occasionally whereas these 2 other kids get to go despite assaulting/bullying another.

So I just wanted to say into the ether that "DS school, I think this is really shit and undermines your behaviour system, so I'm going to keep DS home that day for his own reward day eating Haribo in his PJs and playing on his xbox 🖕"

That is all.

Good for you! I absolutely agree with you. Could you also get out somewhere for the afternoon as a special treat for him. And maybe make him his favourite meal.
School is so so wrong here.

That is mental. I would be letting the school know how it looks to their pupils that some bad behaviour ( actually worse behaviour) isn’t punished in the same way

Fully agree with you, OP

Why not take your complaint to the school? Surely an act of violence attracts more behaviour points than forgetting a pen, and if it doesn't why not.
Long time ago now but when I was at school if you'd had suspension/internal exclusion (usual consequences of fights etc) you didn't go on the end of year reward trip. If you'd had a detention for not doing some homework etc you did. Which felt sensible

I get it. School punishments are bizarre. You can have the same consequences for forgetting to do your homework as the kid next to you who's just punched another kid in the face.

Back chat occasionally...I'd say the teachers don't like him very much and none of them want him to go.

I'm all of strict behaviour policies, but I hate it when minor misdemeanours count the same as assault and bullying

but you say "low level back chat to teachers" - there isn't anything low level about back chat, and a few incidences of that would rack up the behaviour points, I am sure

Lots of low level "behaviour" is a huge drain on school resources though. That's what the school is trying to manage.

DS’s school had similar until a parent took them to task.

Their policy was that a suspension (internal or full) wiped all points and when you came back you started afresh. Which led to two children who’d been vile all year getting themselves suspended two weeks before the big end of term trip and then coming back with a fresh slate and going on the trip.

whereas a lad who was disorganised in his first month and got a handful of points for forgetting his homework diary wasn’t going to get to go.

His father pointed out to the school that his kid had actually said “If I throw a chair across the room today, I’ll be suspended for two days and then get to go…” and the ludicrousness of that.

The system was quickly revamped!

Same old story, the horrible kids who are persistently bad all of the time get more blind eyes turned to their behaviour than the kids who are generally well behaved but commit a minor sin..

Low level backchat is a big problem- it’s a big part of what’s messing children’s education. It’s disruptive, exhausting for teachers, shows that the kid doesn’t value education. When parents dismiss it as not a problem that exacerbates it.
OP - tell your child to behave properly next year. You’ll be doing him a favour,

I'd normally agree with lots of low level stuff can be worse than a few small major things.

Not when it comes to inadvertently condoning violence and bullying though.

As I say, teachers all said its low level stuff, he's a good kid, one even said she found his 'cheek' funny and she has good banter with him but they have kids who wouldn't know the difference between a bit of funny cheek and proper disrespectful cheek so she has to treat it the same, again fair enough.

Anyway, doesnt matter. He's going to have a great day while they're making sure 2 of the kids don't nearly break another kids leg and relentlessly bully others. Far better than dealing with occasional cheek and a top button not being fastened on a shirt I'm sure ☺️

OP - ignore the fact that other boy is going, it certainly sounds unfair but that is irrelevant to YOUR son. You need to support the school in helping him to do the best he can. You are giving him the very clear message that his low level disruptive behaviour is fine. That really isn’t in his best interest.

Sounds like the school have gotten it wrong with the students who hurt someone else.

But if your son has lots of behaviour points, including for back chat, then they haven't gotten it wrong for him and you're undermining them by keeping him home. Has he learned to improve his behaviour for next year?

By all means tell him that you don't think the school has gotten it wrong with the other kids (although you won't know the full story there of course), but don't undermine them.

But the issue here is the back chat and preventing others from learning.

I totally agree.

But I also think the child who put another child in A&E should also not get to go on the trip. That should be an automatic no, regardless of how many total "behaviour points" they have. It's the discrepancy that's bad, not the fact that OP's son can't go, because I agree the low level backchat is a massive pain in the arse and shouldn't be dismissed.

The message the school is sending out is that cheeky banter and top buttons matter more than arrestable offences like assault

Batshit

Good for you @Deathfingers ..Hope he enjoys it :)

Rubbish. Not having your blazer is not a drain. This stupid system has taught your ds that he might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. Slow handclap...

That's ridiculous. I'd be fuming too.

It's along the same lines as the quiet, hard working kids not getting recognised for their good work and good behaviour but the naughty ones who have certificates and good behaviour points thrown at them the moment they're doing what should be expected of them anyway 🙄🙄🙄😡Boils my piss, especially when the mums post the good behaviour certificates all over FB. I feel like saying "well actually your "darling " child is a little shit. 😕🙄😡

The whole minor behaviour point thing is out of hand. The only thing that should prevent a school trip is major behaviour. A system where they get 3 minor behaviour points then a detention, and going forwards 3 more then a detention and so on is fine. The detention is the punishment, there should be no further action. Fighting etc. should be a different criteria of offence and not going in a trip could be an outcome for this along with isolation or suspension/exclusion.

I'm really not worried about what message I'm sending him when the school are effectively telling him, and others, that bullying and violence is not as bad as being a bit of a knob at times.

Hes gutted about missing out so he'll definitely learn from this.

I was ready to say YABU until I read the bit about his friend. YANBU if you want to point out to the school that there's a serious flaw in their decision model, as long as you don't demand that your DC goes on the trip.

TBH my own DS has had quite a few behaviour points this year for low-level stuff. I was really surprised to find that he's going on the rewards trip in a few weeks and would actually prefer it if he wasn't given a place.

And that will be why he's a pain in the arse often enough to be missing the trip.

You've made your decision, but I bet he's in the same boat next year.

And once again the kid says "It's not fair" and the parent undermines the school totally and the kid gets rewarded for being badly behaved. It would be interesting to hear the school's or other parents' opinions of the child's "low-level misbehaviour".

Good for you OP! Teach him to disdain rules! I'm sure that attitude has nothing at all to go with his "low level" backchat and disruption.

Honestly. Clearly the violent little shit shouldn't go either, but you are a big part of the problem here.