Just a little moan about school reward trips

[Deathfingers]

Just want a vent because I can't vent to the school.

Ds year 7 missed out on the reward trip because of behaviour points. Fair enough I guess, they are all for low level things e.g. not having his blazer on at the right time, pen not working and no spare, low level backchat to teachers occasionally. Parents evening they all said hes a good kid, just some minor things but nothing bad and they all said they have a soft spot for him, which was really nice to hear.

Have found out that his pal, who landed another kid in a&e after a fight and is one of 2 kids who were pretty horrid to another kid who ended up having to move class, gets to go, as does the other kid, because they haven't had as many minor behaviour points.

DS now can't understand why he can't go because he's not had a pen or been 10 secs late to a lesson occasionally whereas these 2 other kids get to go despite assaulting/bullying another.

So I just wanted to say into the ether that "DS school, I think this is really shit and undermines your behaviour system, so I'm going to keep DS home that day for his own reward day eating Haribo in his PJs and playing on his xbox 🖕"

That is all.

This.

OP clearly doesn't know what her child is up to at school - seems to me that they are the one that gets away with some of the stuff and then comes home to say otherwise as mummy believes them.

OP also, naturally, doesn't know the details of the A&E incident. It could have been a complete one off after a sustained campaign of bullying against him (or might not). That child will have received behaviour points, but ibviousky hasn't troubled staff as often as OP's son has.

If it's really a insignificant as OP insists, no one would be going on the trip!

Well he's not going to learn from this if he's getting an alternative reward from you.

"Occasional cheek" is not ok and you shouldn't be condoning it. Any kind of defiance to adults is a bad road to go down and you should support the school. What happens to other pupils isn't your concern.

I am supporting the school. Im not querying it (even though i do know the full background of the incidents from the parents who seem to want me/DS to take sides 🙄), im not taking their time up to point out the flaw in their system, I've told DS that's how they run their points system so tough tits, you miss out this time, it resets in September so don't be a low level arse and you'll go on the next one.

Of course, he might learn that it is ok to smash someone in the face and stamp on their ankle as long as you're wearing your blazer while doing it, but I don't think he will tbf.

Contact the school and ask "DS doesnt understand why a few of his peers who have assaulted orher pupils are part of the reward trip but he isnt. Can you g8ve me insight into the rationale so I can work with you on this at home?"

Ultimately, he has too many behaviour points to be able to go. The unfairness of what his friends get doesnt change the number of points he has.

When I was at school, the aggressive bullying ones were rewarded for the same behaviours others would be punished for - eg "Little Johnny didnt throw a chair at the teacher, he just left the room - well done Little Johnny!". Rewarding for effort, I s'pose.

Ds year 7 missed out on the reward trip because of behaviour points. Fair enough I guess, they are all for low level things e.g. not having his blazer on at the right time, pen not working and no spare, low level backchat to teachers occasionally.

You should be focusing on YOUR child and YOUR childs continuous "low level" misbehaviour. NOT what YOUR child has said about other students.

Parent the child you have got, not the one you have not.

Blazer/Pens - BASIC school rules.

I am focusing on my child? What's happened has pissed him off a bit, so that's my focus?

The blazer thing was silly, in hindsight i should have queried it more when the teacher mentioned it at parents evening but I'm not THAT parent. he had finished PE, the lesson had overrun, it was when it was boiling a couple of months ago for a day (ahh, remember the sun? 🤣) and he was rushing to the next class on the other site so he wasn't late (behaviour point for that, again fair enough) and a teacher at the gate saw him putting his blazer on as he got through the gate. The rule is they have it on before they pass the boundary, so he got a point.

Pen yes he should have a spare tbf, he had an array of those handwriting ones but has been giving them away to pals who forget theirs so they don't get a point (not saying that as a sob story, I'm proud of him for being like that but not when it affects him!)

These threads actually make me glad my kids don't go to school in the UK. Too many of them seem to be run by jobsworths obsessed by ridiculously petty rules nowadays.

The annoying thing is that blazer incident would have been one of the late to lesson incidents while he had to stand there and tell the teacher why he wasnt wearing it and his name so they can update the app 😒

So message there is either "if you'd have just ignored the teacher at the gate, you'd have only got 1 point for disrespect" or "if you'd put your blazer on, you'd have only got 1 point for being late"

1. you do not know the details of the other incident. While it may appear unfair to your child, they also do not know. There are countless incidents where a child is being bullied to the point where they snap, lash out and injure someone.
2. stop trying to reward your child for bad behaviour. "Occasional backchat" means it's happened several times. He's clearly not learning his lesson. How many behaviour points has he had for the same things over and over? You minimising this is the worst thing you can do for your child.

Many years ago I didn't have enough attendance points as my dad died and I understandably missed time of school. Pupils with shitty behaviour and zero work ethic got going to the trips though. They might have done nothing but piss about and misbehave in school but they made it in I guess better than I did 😂🤦. Not that I'm still bitter nearly 30 years later 🫣

1. I know the background of the incidents, very reluctantly got drawn into it all by the other parents involved. My child knows because he witnessed it all. I thought all that stopped - parents getting other parents involved - in high school. Apparently not 😬

1. I've done this once, so no "stopping trying to reward" happening (and, respectfully, no). I was told by his head of year it was occasional. So given school are never to be questioned, ill believe them when they say its all minor stuff and he's a good kid ☺️

I'm pretty sure there are worse things I can do than let him have a lounge day because I disagree with the school reward system.

I agree that things like this don't make sense. I'm not a complainer when it comes to school stuff (unless it were something serious) as I know teachers have a lot on their plate, but I don't understand the logic in demoralising generally well behaved kids whilst at the same time praising badly behaved kids for doing the bare minimum. I understand that teachers might be desperate to improve the behaviour of the most difficult kids and that lots of small misdemeanours add up...but picking up on a kid over a blazer, especially in hot weather? Why??

My daughter is in primary and they have golden hour on a Friday, so long as they have enough behaviour points. On the last day before half term they had a special treat for golden hour. My daughter and few others missed out because the teacher didn't think they were singing along with the rest of the class and deducted points. I mean come on. She's such a good girl but pretty quiet and although she says she was singing quietly, even if she wasn't I don't think it's constructive to demoralise well behaved children over such petty things. Especially when the children who regularly get into trouble are awarded points for 'good' behaviour that would've just be expected of most children.

So apparently the cut off was 30 behaviour points.

I can see on the app he had 34.

Enjoy your lounge day son, might even get you a KFC for dinner 🤣

I left school 10 years ago and still remember being disappointed at this!
All the feral children were taken to Alton Towers as a free trip whilst we were studying for exams. I couldn't believe they were getting rewarded for being feral children, it went against everything the school were teaching us about hard work being rewarding and recognised etc.

Most of them have been in and out of prison, never worked etc now but still very disheartening as a teenager at the time.

So you're going to teach him that "low level " distributive behaviour is fine by rewarding his behaviour.
Surely you knew the cut off for behaviour points at the beginning of the year?
Surely you don't think it's okay to not be prepared in class and to turn up late, and it won't be a few seconds it'll be minutes after the teacher has taken her registration.

Low level bad behaviour is the bane of my life. It continually threatens to disrupt my lessons and the education of others in the class. Forgetting a pen might not seem much to you, but times that by 5 pupils, 5 lessons a day and I've spent teaching time faffing around finding equipment (normally my own pens) for kids who can't be arsed organising themselves!!!

No, because he hasn't been rewarded. Not as 'good' as he'd like anyway

No-one knew the cut off by the sounds of it

No I don't think being late is ok.

Already said he has been giving his pens away to friends so they don't get points. I don't think he'll make the mistake of helping out pals again!

Where they going? If it's a theme park we would be going with VIP tickets might even offer a friend to come and skip the lines. I can remember being that kid who got told off for minor things like being a few seconds late or forgetting homework. I left near top of the class (only C a subject I didn't want to do rest were all As) which is why the teachers loved having me in the class.

If schools relaxed things like uniforms rules and let kids relax the majority would do better. Do the friends of the school not provide boxes of pens anyway, I know ours does.

The reward trips are a bore for the teachers. My ds has finished school now but all the disruptive kids always get to go so the few boys who are genuinely being rewarded have to suffer the whole way there and back whilst the poor teachers try to handle the bad behaviour.
Ds used to opt out every time except for the last Alton towers trip before the GCSEs this year. He learned his lesson in year 7 that the good boys become a Target on the coach out to the trip so that put him off for the other years.

I’m sure that if one of the other kids decide to start a fight again and send one of the other children in A&E, the teachers will find that very easy to deal with.
No drain in ressources at all. And no effect on the overall trip either.

Whereas not having a spare pen! Yep. That’s a huge drain of course.

Think we need more detail here. It sounds like lots of minor things which OP has brushed off.

You are minimising as is the teacher who told you his cheek was funny. The school are right not to take him. Some teachers do minimise this kind of behaviour when they can see pare to are unsupportive and like to look for excuses. You are typical of this kind of parent so much so that you are giving him a day off rather than let him feel the consequence of his repeated 'low level' behaviour issues.