I've just bought a big parcel box for the sole purpose of not having to talk to the postman any more.

[IncompleteSenten]

And now I feel guilty. Which is stupid I know but it turns out I have a heart after all.
Or a piece of one rattling round in an otherwise ice cold body.

My postie is a bloody judgemental and nosy bugger. He asks so many intrusive questions that I have to bat away but I also realise he's unhappy and maybe doesn't get to talk to people but bloody hell I'm sick of being grilled at my front door.

Where's my husband today, what's he doing? Why's he doing that? He's only just come back why's he going away again? He's in London today? Why has he gone there? Why do you do this? Why do you do that? What's going on with your neighbours house? Supposed to be a col crisis you wouldn't think it with all the parcels everyone's getting, etc. what do I do for a living, why do I do it, is there much money in it? Am I going away, I'm not? Why not? I should, why don't I? What's wrong?

I just reached my breaking point this morning and told him it's because I'm batcrap crazy and haven't left the house in years.

Then said my goodbyes and went on Amazon to buy an extra large parcel box just so I don't have to answer the door to him again.

I can't be the only one who has gone to ridiculous lengths to avoid people 🤣. So what are your stories?

I do think the postie is way out of order, how does he have time to chat like that? Those questions are none of his business at all. I don't blame you for doing something about it.

I know I've changed my route more than a few times to avoid people I know. Once it backfired when I couldn't go down an alley due to a barking dog (6 foot fence between us) and on the long way round a car drew up and it was a family friend going to my house, so I had to accept a lift and make small talk for 2 minutes. Should have just walked past the dog.

I love our postie. He’s a great conversationalist and kept me updated on strike days when that was an issue as he knew it impacted my business. When I had the baby he stopped knocking when I got parcels so he didn’t wake anyone. He was one of the first people to meet the baby. I dread the thought of him retiring.

I realise this has escalated from your postal box decision but wanted to share 😂

I bet people hide when they see him coming 😂

We have 2 posties 1 who had delivers and the parcel delivery and they are lovely and definitely not nosey.

Me too, I have a certain other person in my vicinity who needs swerving though. Utterly intrusive.

Slightly off-topic, but how do parcel boxes work? If the hole is big enough for the postie to put a parcel in, how are they safe from theft?

I have considered getting one to stop delivery people from leaving things on the step in the rain, risking damage to the parcel and advertising the fact that there is no-one in, but can't get my head around the security aspects.

You know what, @IncompleteSenten? I think you sound fabulous.
Telling your DH his knife is where he left it isn’t rude. It’s establishing a boundary. You are not his eyes or his brain. He needs to use his own.
Protecting your kids = Unquestionably awesome. Your mum’s comments and intentions reflect badly upon her, not you. I can almost guarantee that I have said worse for similar reasons.
Your postie shouldn’t be hanging around pestering women and making them uncomfortable. He’s a creep. He can fuck right off to the other side of fuck.

You are entitled to trust your intuition. You are entitled to have boundaries and opinions. Life’s too short to be the sounding board to a bigoted nosey parker. That’s time you can’t get back.

Go you!!!

I don’t blame you at all, OP. That level of questioning would drive me mad. You don’t owe anyone answers to intrusive questions.

You put stuff in then close the door and the parcel drops down to the bottom. The hole is open when the door at the top is closed and closed when the door at the top is open. You collect the parcels by opening the door at the bottom with a key.

It depends entirely on context.

We have a big parcel box op and trust me it's worth it's weight in gold.
I hate answering my door so it's one of my favourite additions to the house.

I should clarify actually. Thinking about it, I do choose to answer some questions sometimes then switch to non answers and changing the subject eg where's your husband today? Oh he's in London.
Why's he there? Oh he's got a few things to do, lovely weather for a change isn't it? Must be nice to do your route in the sun instead of the rain for a change.

I'd just say, "Oops sorry, I'm in the middle of a work meeting no time to chat" and close the door.

I don't really understand why you are having so many conversations though, I go months without taking to my postman and before I WFH I never saw them and just picked parcels up from the sorting office. A parcel box is sensible if you are getting so many parcels so that you can get on with your day.

You are most certainly nicer and more patient than me.

I am a polite, patient people pleaser, and I reckon I’d have bought the box too!

I try very hard to be nice and patient because I am highly aware that I am not actually nice or patient and what's under must stay under, if that makes any sense.

In terms of avoiding people I go to great lengths to avoid my next door neighbour, she verbally abuses her children and I've reported her to the NSPCC and their school several times, so if I'm driving up and they are leaving/going into their house I'll do another lap of the block.

To answer your actual question:

My home office is right in my large front window. I hate it because everyone walking past my window can see me, unless I draw the curtains which is a bit depressing. I feel guilty if, for example, the Amazon guy knocks on the door when I’m in a meeting and he can see me. So I’ve ordered one way window film, will let me look out but not let them see me!

It does, I just gave up trying.

OnceIcaughtacold... the one way window film is fab!
Careful how you fit it, as it can "bubble" and look unsightly as well as giving the game away that you have it.
Mine works great, but I was given several choices of how much privacy I want ... so I guess different grades of thickness.

Mine won't work, if I put my electric lights on with the curtains open, so just be mindful as the daylight dims.

OP, your postie could either be perceived to be friendly and chatty OR nosy and worrying.
As you say your work necessitates multiple parcel delivery, it sounds to be the ideal solution .
I wouldn't be surprised though, for him to knock, and for him to ask you WHY have you installed the item.
Just be ready with a reply such as "oh yes, my work has ramped up the online meetings, so it's no longer convenient for me to answer the door"...

Side note, well done on recognising the traits you have that make you and or others uncomfortable.
You are commendably self aware, and you control it as much as is possible, and you cope with your children at the same time.
In my mind, that makes you pretty awesome!

OFFOD. She would benefit more from you stopping having a go at her on every post, even when she's explained that she is autistic and this is how she would naturally interact, and has to work hard to meet (often ridiculous) NT social norms.

It is ableist to keep going on at an autistic person for being autistic. The postman is out of line for quizzing a woman about her husband's whereabouts and whether the house is empty. Being rude is the least he can expect for grilling people in such a way.

The parcel box sounds great, I'm tempted to get one myself after finding a parcel in the recycling bin yesterday.

As someone who actively tries to avoid speaking to people when I go for my daily walk (for exercise,) I feel your pain @IncompleteSenten When I see someone coming towards me, I sometimes grab my phone out of my pocket, so I appear to be on a phone call when they pass me. I have also been known to go an extra half a mile out of my way to avoid talking to someone I KNOW will keep me chatting for AGES. Some people are so tedious and irritating, and I feel my heart sink when I see them tootling towards me.

I also don't answer the door unless I'm 100% expecting someone, as I truly can't be fucked to have someone keeping me chatting. I AM TOO BUSY! It will only be someone peddling their services or wares, or a con artist/scam merchant hoping to fleece me of all my money, or a religious caller. or a charity. OR a courier asking me to take someone's package in - (NO WAY, as I will have to go to the bloody neighbour's to take it - or they will come to me - and I will be kept half an hour talking!)

I have not a scrap of interest in talking to any of these people. I am polite to people when I see them, and there are 3 or 4 neighbours I am OK with talking to as they don't keep me chatting for 45 minutes, (whilst talking about themselves 97% of the time,) and I will help in an emergency. But apart from that I HATE answering the door to anyone, as I CBA to make small-talk with people. I don't care what anyone thinks about this, before anyone comes on mocking and LOLing, and saying 'only on mumsnet la la la...'

You will definitely benefit from that parcel box OP. I would get one, but the postman always leaves our parcels in the porch at the side of the house.

@IncompleteSenten the postman is totally out of line.
And you shouldn’t have to resort to buying a parcel box to avoid personal questions like that
(I would have major issues with him asking where dh is and if he’ll be away for long fir eg)

I think this is one of those situations where your straight to the point talk would have been a good thing tbh!

Btw, some of examples of rudeness don’t sound rude to me :)

Nah you’re getting a rough time here OP. You’ve been very upfront about the things you see as flaws (edited cause I’m an idiot that didn’t notice you saying you were autistic 🤦🏻‍♀️).

I changed to online deliveries to avoid a very nosy cashier at Tesco. I stay in a wee place, with wee shops and seemed to get her every single time I went in (given there is only ever one check out open and no self service machines ). She was nice but did the same question after question after question and I ran out of ways of batting them off, I’m a private person and detest small talk. Eventually I had enough and had to change to online deliveries. Now I just take the crates, dump them on my worktops, hand them back and stick away my shopping in blissful silence

ring door bells are great. I often just talk to delivery people/posties and ask them via the doorbell to put my parcel
behind the green bin. They've always agreed