3 month old at Christmas - would you travel 100 mins to stay over with family?

[Pinkcase]

It appears DH and I have somewhat differing views… if you had a 3 month old at Christmas, (born via CS), would you have (or been able to have) travelled 1 hr 45 min to stay over with family at Christmas?

Or, should they come to us rather than we go to them?

This really made me laugh 🤣

THIS

It depends who with. I stayed at my parents with a toddler and a newborn. It was lovely as I was looked after and I didn’t have to do a thing. I definitely would not want to host with a newborn.

Yup, I would. As others have said/ portable and easy to set up, multiple baby watchers then also available.

What a lovely thread. You asked a question, accepted the outcome without argument and resolved your issue with dh. You did all of this without complaining about any family members at all. Refreshing.

We went on holiday when dd2 was 2 months a very similar length of driving involved and she screamed all the way down the motorway.

We did and I would do it again, I can't see why I wouldn't?

If you want to go, then go. It'll be absolutely fine. If you don't want to go, then don't-you have a perfect, if slightly precious, excuse. Take advantage of this stage as much as you can. In no time the baby will be a gobby 5 year old telling everyone "I heard dad telling mum he'd rather eat wasps than go through another dinner cooked by Aunt Sarah with her experimental red cabbage...."

Does the travel time factor in breaks? I have a feeling young babies should not be in a car seat for too long at a stretch.

Yes i flew abroad on holiday at that age no problem (cs)

It would depend entirely on what I was travelling to. A room with a comfy bed, enough bathrooms, 'nanny' services provided and baby whisked away on arrival while someone brings me a drink, someone arriving to take the baby in the morning while I lie in with breakfast in bed, no one complaining while I enjoy a long super-hot bath (having been unable to have one during pregnancy), my older child constantly entertained by someone else, all meals planned and prepared by someone else while I half-heartedly pretend to 'muck in'.... where do I sign up?!!!

A cramped house with one bathroom, a single bed in the guest room, not enough sofas/seats for everyone, the attitude that "they're your children so you need to supervise them the whole time" (fine, but it's much easier at home with all their toys etc), a small turkey crown for 10 people and feeling like I'm imposing every time I make a cup of tea.... hell no, I'll be staying at home where I'm comfortable.

No problem, would easily travel and at that stage would far rather have been a guest than a host.

I've done it and I've also inadvertently hosted. Last year baby was 4 m. Wanted a Christmas at home with just us, baby and dc.

Had family foisted on us who had no where else to go. It was a disaster. Cooking and hosting was easy. I went simple and prepped loads whenever I could. Baby also naps loads at that age.

The issues were family staying didn't fully know what having an almost new born would be like. The night wake ups, the disruption and lack of spontaneity.

Those issues were the same when staying with family, expect it's not your house. You end up forever apologising if baby wakes at night or if you have to go downstairs, taking baby away from the table furong the meal if baby kicks up, not being able to adjust with what everyone else wants to do. It's stressful.

If I were you, I'd say fuck the lot of you, and have Christmas at yours. Just you, H and kids. Boxing day plus, then do the rounds.

I regret that I will never have that quiet milky newborn Christmas at home. A Christmas with just MY family. Happy to see others and travel but after the day.

Depends on how you feel, depends on the baby. If you have the kind of baby that cries in the car seat then obviously no.

Some babies hate the car so you might have one who screams all the time.

Or one who doesn’t settle in strange places so will need understanding relatives.

At 3 months I would be let’s see how everything is before making plans

Haven’t RTFT but I got on a plane with a four week old and other young children to see family for Christmas. For me, it was the right thing, I wanted to, and I could relax when there. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted / been able to host Christmas when I’d just given birth. We all have very happy memories of that Christmas.

A top determining factor for me would be how comfortable the guest bed is.

Airbed in the lounge? Definitely not
Old sofa bed which creaks every time I get up to feed the baby in the night? Definitely not
Lumpy guest mattress that makes my back ache for the whole visit? Nope
Comfy guest room with great bed, mattress, black out blinds, and room for baby’s crib and place to retreat eg feeds etc, yep.

Otherwise as you’re in the same country and 100m is not a long drive, I’d stay at home and ask them to come to me.

I would absolutely rather travel that distance than host - far less work!

I had a CS and at 3.5 months took my baby on a Scandinavian ski holiday - no problem at all. Travelling with babies is only stressful if you let it stress you out. Of course it is a bit harder than before but absolutely possible.

BUT…just because it is possible doesn’t mean you have to. If you don’t want to go then don’t go.

Exactly this!!

It's a hard one for me as I was a total homebody after having all my DC (all winter babies too so I really got to indulge the whole "4th trimester" stuff)

So I'd definitely want to stay home. However I would hate to have to host so many people so on that basis maybe I'd consider the visit Although a first Christmas with just baby and partner would be very tempting!!

I will totally contradict myself here as we did actually go to my parents for Christmas dinner with DC1 and he was just 5 weeks old [but we lived a 5 minute walk away and only stayed for a few hours. No overnight visits / long travel]

I think ultimately its your call as assuming you'll be doing the bulk of the feeding / night times and you'll be the one who is tired. So what mum wants wins.

At 4 days old my dd travelled a 200 mile journey 3 times so I’m failing to see the issue.

For those who traveled hundreds of miles with tiny babies did you factor in the health advice when travelling with them and time in car seat etc?

Yes. It took us twice as long to do the travelling for a good 6 months.

Hello!

My son was born a couple of weeks before Christmas via c section. I asked my in laws and extended family to come to us on Christmas Day, and my parents et al came to us on Boxing Day. Both sets came for a couple of hours as we are first time parents and were still figuring everything out.

If you have a car, the journey could very easily be a nap for your baby, which would mean very little disruption to their day.

10 days after my c section I was very fortunate to be feeling fine. After three months I had honestly forgotten all about it.

We went an hour and half to cat sit for my in laws at about 6 weeks. I was apprehensive about forgetting something, but I made a list. Now we’ve been to various people’s houses to stay and it’s intuitive because I’ve done it so many times.

So that’s the practical side. The bigger question is what would you like to do? What would make you feel more comfortable? Family will often bend to support you if you explain. They love you, after all!

One more thing to note is that you could easily change your mind. Explain that to everyone in advance too. You don’t know how you will feel.

I probably wouldn't have chosen to, but it is definitely possible, yes.

Relevant factors include how well your baby travels in the car (mine were both terrible but some babies that age just sleep) and what your accommodation is like at the other end. If there is plenty of room for everything you and the baby need, access to bathrooms, and lovely hosts that are able to support you or give you space as needed, then it might be absolutely fine. If there is little space and/or you don't have a comfortable relationship with your hosts then it could be difficult.