3 month old at Christmas - would you travel 100 mins to stay over with family?

[Pinkcase]

It appears DH and I have somewhat differing views… if you had a 3 month old at Christmas, (born via CS), would you have (or been able to have) travelled 1 hr 45 min to stay over with family at Christmas?

Or, should they come to us rather than we go to them?

You won’t know till after the birth how you will be feeling and if you (or your baby) will be up to it.

My c section incision burst open twice and took a VERY long time to heal, no way would I have been up for the trip you are doing at that stage.

My daughter also had severe reflux, which
meant she projectile vomited constantly, everything all day every day was covered in vomit, driving was completely out of the question, just moving her round the house an ordeal. While not all babies have this, colic, reflux etc are common and would be a nightmare in someone else’s home.

I’d just say you’ll make plans once the baby is out and you have recovered, do not set up firm plans or expectations.

Also plan the Christmas you want for your baby’s first Christmas, because you’ll be resentful if it isn’t what you want.

We drove 2 hours to stay at my sister's for Christmas when dc3 was 3 months old.
Had enough room in the car for all 3 dc plus presents, plus stuff for all 5 of us.

Unless you have a 2 seater, I'm not sure what the issue would be with just one baby.

With my first there is NO WAY i would have been in a fit emotional state to do this. I didnt feel human and wasnt up for visiting or people seeing me really.

With my 2nd and a toddler i did slightly longer trip at about 8 weeks and it was totally cool. We went on a long weekend with my family.
I fed baby after toddler had lunch and popped them in the car both slept like a dream to destination.

I think the journey is doable even if you feel like garbage. The christmas element is actually the important bit.
Are you staying with the people you like?
Is the accommodation going to be suitable?

Its the potential emotional toll of being around people you arent comfortable with at a time you feel vulnerable thats the thing, not the car trip...

Yes I would, and actually travelled with my 8 week old to stay with family at Christmas. It was absolutely fine

I honestly would wait and see what the baby is like. Mine screamed on car journeys and it's also lovely to be in your own space with all your baby things, so I'd rather others came to us.

No way.
You will be exhausted and fraught.
I second a quiet Christmas too.

I would (and did) travel and sit with my feet up

But I would wait to closer to the time and see how you feel. Don't put pressure on yourself

Yes, I often travelled 160 miles each way.

Hosting with a 3mo sounds hideous.

I'd make the journey. They don't need much at that age especially if BF.

We did. My in-laws lived 2 hours and 30 minutes away. We first did the trip for a weekend when our first was two months old, and from then on did the return journey every six weeks or so. Same when #2 was born. She was two months old at Christmas, and we went up to the in-laws for two or three nights.

There's really nothing difficult about it. Babies of that age, as others have said, safe very portable. As long as they get their feeds and naps, and mum and dad are around, they don't care where they are.

I'm taking my C-section baby to Italy in August, so would have no hesitations with a car journey for that duration

@Pinkcase I think everyone is different in their pp time. My dc is almost 6 mos and I am just starting to get my energy back. I've barely been able to do anything beyond the basics at home and really have not had any interest in visiting anyone anywhere. All I've wanted is to try and sleep and develop some sort of routine. I wouldn't make any commitments to travel, but that's me. I'd rather plan the best first Christmas at home, because it will be truly special for you, and I'd invite family to come for the afternoon on Christmas and stay for a few days. It will be special for both sets of gparents, too. Ask both mums to help plan the meals or maybe they'd be happy to take over all the cooking etc in you place? It depends on the family, but as an example, I've taken groceries and done the cooking at a friend's for her and family when I wanted to, but couldn't host them at mine and they loved it. Just some thoughts.

That's not far at all. We fly home every Christmas, so travel about 7 hours. First time when DS was 6 weeks old. Totally worth it if you like your family! They don't do much at that age anyway. You could sit in the back and play with them.

If you're still that delicate three months in, there's something wrong. I did it two months after a section, and frankly it was FAR preferable to having to host anyone staying with us!

I just got to sit around, focusing on my baby, while the in-laws did all the shopping, cooking and entertaining!

I didn't stay over for Christmas, but did visit very close to it. We have family 4-5hrs away and we travelled to them 2 months PP (also via C-section) and I can honestly say fuck no I would absolutely not be doing that again. Having to take all of our own things, everything the baby required, and Christmas presents too was an absolute nightmare.
Yes, baby sleeps a lot at that point but it's just not worth all the hassle in my opinion!
Let them come to you if you're feeling up to it and have the best first Christmas with your new baby x

I would go and be looked after . The distance isn't an issue imo.

Yes I would! It's much easier than having to host.

This sounds like two different questions.

Wil you be physically capable? Yes most probably. By 5 months my first had been to France, Spain and Australia - mat leave exellent for travelling! And driving was easy, with breaks if more than a few hours.

But are you actually asking if you are ok to insist on hosting? You seem to want to. I would personally find travelling with a baby much essier than hosting, but if you feel you can I dont know why your husband gets to override that automatically

We went from London to Glasgow (not at Christmas it was Easter ) when my DS was about 4 months .

And I drove as my DH doesn't .
DH sat in the back with DS in his travel seat . DS slept most of the way .
It meant he was wide awake when we got there but I went off to sleep , DS was happy , DH did the necessary to get him ready .
My Parents spolied him (and me )

Yes. Took my 8 week on a 6hour journey! We stopped a lot so it actually was more like 12!!

I travelled with DD when she was 3 months and it was hell. We just came out of colics, we still struggled with reflux. She was overwhelmed by too many family fussing over her and didn’t sleep well.

The travel itself was fine, the days with family were the issue. I hated my MIL trying to be nice and letting me feed in peace, I felt pushed aside for the hour it took to feed and sort out the reflux. My mum would constantly come up with “helpful” suggestions and I struggled to be polite.

At home I would have had my own space, routine and DD her surroundings.

Physically I would at 3 months. I was recovered well enough from my EMCS by then but mentally I was in no fit state to be staying anywhere other than home or even have guests stay over at ours. DS was bloody hard work and screamed constantly (turns out he's lactose intolerant) and I just couldn't cope with parenting him AND being "on duty" around guests or in someone else's home for anything more than a few hours.

I'd go to them. On arrival claim exhaustion and let everyone egg lose fuss over baby and Mum make dinner.
It might be your last opportunity to not cook Christmas dinner for >30 years.
Don't get me wrong: I loved and still love hosting Christmas, but if I'd known that my last one to be spoiled was the last one to be spoiled, I'd have appreciated it much more.

I would to my mums but not to ils. It's just that I get looked after at my mums. Everyone is hands on and I get to properly relax. Different story at ils.