Partner "apologised " for me,would you be annoyed ?

[rickysally]

It's our anniversary night away.
I booked a nice restaurant and on the special request asked for a booth or a table with some privacy.
I specifically asked for this as they have form for having people practically sat on other tables knee.
We went for early dinner at 5pm
It was dead
One other couple
She walked us to the table next to the couple (a small two table )
So I said "sorry can we sit over there for some privacy please"
She looked and rolled her eyes and said yes
As we were walking over my partner said to her "sorry about this "

Sorry about what ? The place was dead
I was honestly fuming
Then other people started arriving and rather than spacing people out she sat them all next to each other (so had people on top of us anyway )

Would you be annoyed at partner ?
Why do restaurants do this ?

This.

He would annoy me, too. You asked for privacy, it's normal.

At least you don't overreact

So I said "sorry can we sit over there for some privacy please if you hadn't been apologetic then I'd be on your side

I think without knowing your tone etc op it's difficult to know if he was being unreasonable or not.

My mum will call out bad service if she sees it and I don't have a problem with that. But the way she goes about it is rude and abrasive and I often find myself apologising for her.

I don't get the feeling he was intentionally trying to undermine you but more trying to be polite to the person who was going to be serving you that evening. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid if dh did this.

I also think he could be being supportive of you and in agreement that you need a new table, but sensing that this request may be inconveniencing the server and is acknowledging that politely. I don't think it necessarily is undermining you at all.

Oh dearie me

Also I’m convinced that 99% of restaurants don’t even read the special requests

I have to say, thankfully no boyfriend of mine has done this. However a female person (can’t call her a friend!) I knew had the worst habit for this! Eg, if I take 10 seconds to choose a meal when I’ve just been handed a menu ‘I’m sorry about her’, I’ve gone into a lift and held the door for someone else walking towards the lift ‘I’m sorry about her’ to anybody else in the lift.

Losing money in the vending machine and trying to get either my money out or get my chocolate out ‘im sorry about her’

so I’m very triggered by the post 😝

Obviously I wasn't there to hear his tone (out yours, @rickysally ) but this would be my assumption. That he wasn't apologising for your behaviour, but apologising for putting the waitress out. I reflexively say sorry all the time (and I'm another that likes a reasonably private table and will ask to be moved)

He didn't say "I'm sorry about HER" though! Just that he was 'sorry about this'

No I would not be annoyed, good grief women do seem to suck every bit of drama out of every little thing I thought it was a myth

Fuck, yes.

Yes I’d be annoyed, there’s nothing to be sorry about so why did he apologise, if anything she should have been pulled up for rolling her eyes

Then why did OP say sorry?

yes I would be annoyed too. I luffs my now Dp because on one of our first dates he asked for us to be given a different table from the first one that they tried to give us where we were basically being put in another family's laps.

My ex was a terrible one for "throwing you under the bus for ego kibbles", which was horrible, especially when the thing slowing you down was OUR CHILD or her high chair or something which always fell to me - but what made it worse was that he wanted the better outcome and was always expecting me to mediate with third parties and be assertive when he was too feeble. He was always hissing and pushing me out of the way of people suffering imaginary delays while I was trying to sort us all out.

I am absolutely sick to death of restaurants starting by trying to get you on the nastiest, smallest, most overcrowded and exposed table when they are empty. They'll move you if you ask - which is showing that they don't actually have 10 reservations about to show up and this is all they have - they are just trying to give you their worst to see if you'll accept it which will make their lives easier. This happens to me and dp a lot as we are always childfree on monday evenings, and you know they don't need that decent booth over there in the window, because if you ask for it they'll give it to you. One of us used to politely ask "actually could we sit somewhere else?" but quite a few times recently we've just lost patience and walked out. if they are trying to foist their shittest table on you, actively trying to see what they can get away with, are they doing the same with the food? Are they pulling ancient bits of old fish out of the freezer and saying "let's see if those bozos will accept it but if they complain we'll have to find them something decent"?

We once went to a restaurant that was almost empty and the waitress decided to put us next to a toilet . I asked to sit somewhere else and my husband called me a weirdo . I was fuming .

I would be more annoyed with your partner than the restaurant.

If he wanted to show gratitude or acknowledge the favour he should have said thank you to the waitress not sorry and embarrassing you.

Oh I meant I was fuming with my husband. I asked the waitress nicely and politely for another seat . That's when he called me a weirdo . The waitress was slim , young , well spoken and attractive. Probably thought he was making a good impression.

She rolled her eyes at you and your husband apologised to HER?

is he always such an absolute wimp?

Sounds like a really shit restaurant. She rolled her eyes at you - I would have left and gone to McDonald's instead. Staff in there are generally very nice with cheap and tasty food.

Absolutely this. I'd honestly be so annoyed with him.

Off topic but I’ll never understand people who go to a restaurant and request privacy… you’re out in public. You don’t know if it’s going to be fully booked or have a massive group in for a 30th or a corporate do or any number of things. I do understand not wanting to sit right next to someone in an empty restaurant but like a PP said, she could have been trying to sit you in her section to look after you.

My mother punished me as a child if I ever rolled my eyes deliberately. She thought it was beyond rude. The waitress was rude and your partner was wet. You are paying for a service and had made a special request beforehand which they should have turned down if they could not comply with it. To be fair, I don't know anybody who starts dinner at 5 pm but the waitress though was rude and your partner was both rude to you and wet. I suppose you were foolish to book at a restaurant where they cram them in because you know, previous behaviour is a very good predictor of future behaviour.

I think it’s a privilege to be able to go out for a nice dinner. The bigger picture of having a nice meal and time with DH to celebrate your anniversary should be on your mind instead of how a waitress acts. I don’t see anything wrong except an overreaction on your end.

It's not and it should not be considered a "privilege" to be able to go out dor dinner on special occasion fgs. Keep calling basics a privilege and that's what they will forever become, the norm/privilege border shifts down, basics will become a privilege and life quality will lower.

He just did that thing most people do and juat said sorry aince she looked annoyed rather than apologising for you. I wouldn't eat there tbh

She rolled her eyes? How rude. That would make me uncomfortable, and I’d apologize too, I’m afraid.
it doesn’t seem like he was apologizing about you, but about inconveniencing her (somehow? wtf. I’d go somewhere else next time…)

I guess I prefer a man who over-apologizes, to one who is rude and doesn’t apologize (my experience.)

in any case. Please let it roll off and enjoy your anniversary, unless your upset comes from a long standing thing and this is just one symptom of it