Do you have secret names for your neighbours?

[Cattery]

We have Dot Woman, Mattress Burner, Strangler and Trappy

Racist Boy
Fat Brat
Smoking nanas
Pom Lady

No nicknames as I know their names except for a reclusive newbie. I even know the name of the cunt in number 22 only I don't use it.

I did that aged about 6 with 'Mrs Nosy Parker'

Now I have DD I think my DPs must have been completely insane to even think that with DC in the house! 😂

We have 'next door' who aren't actually next door! And 'Mr car wash'

The Pond Man (he has a pond)
The Dog Lady (she has dogs)
The Pilot That Was (the person before was a pilot)
The Music Man (he delivers music lessons from his house)
Mr Live In Lover (next door neighbour's new partner)
Him with the L Plates (has had L plates on his car for about six years)

And finally

THOSE IDIOTS (must have accompanying eye roll)

We live next door to Silly Bollocks. I know it’s mean, but honestly, the absolute nonsense he comes out with beggars belief.

Not my neighbours but I was on a holiday recently with Mata Hari and Two Soups.

We have:

the broons
blue bus
facebook murderer
akita woman

The telly family
the greyhound men
the renters
the polish builders
rusty van man
the football dude
the strange woman
the ones with the sweary kids
rocket scientist
the new people
the new people next door to the new people (we are not very imaginative)

there are a few whose actual names we know as well !

Marathon Man
Bob The Racist
Mad Val
The Weirdo Sisters

The cunts next door (noisy junkies)
The brown house (windows and doors are brown)
The noisy fuckers (run a marquee business from home and they're always clattering shit about late at night)
The cat house (they feed their cats on their drive, I've no idea why)
Alcoholic Joe.. he's not a neighbour he just stands outside the corner shop at the bottom of the street at lunchtimes and after work drinking cheap cans of lager with a rolling assortment of others.

We have:
Lavine and the FLUB on one side,
That fucking idiot next door! on the other, (his mum is lovely) he stays there temporarily.
Wee Scooter whos 2 down (lovely)
Old shuffle across the road (bless her)
Morticia and the Eel
Beagle man
The rest are known by name 😂
Omg that's so awful in writing ✍️

We had a neighbour who me & one of the others on our road thought was running a brothel for a bit because she was young, single, glamorous and lived in the 3 bed semi alone with no obvious routine that suggested a job!

she was also visited by many different men on a regular basis , each staying an hour or two.

Turns out she was a professional singer who gave singing lessons and public speaking lessons and clearly it paid very well 😂

The Noisy Dogfather.

Barky Dog.

Over the years we've had:
Fag Bag
Bomb Man
Mr and Mrs Plompypants
Chicken Helen
Hot tub Harry
The Parking Wankers
Sikh Grandad
Slob
Duchess of Cambridge
Wailing Woman
Chinless Wonder
The Gently Bentleys

We have,

Hat Man
Scary bastards
Biker Grove (he’s a mad cycle enthusiast)
Wim Hoff (loves a garden ice bath)
Pen Pal (writes notes complaining that our cat is too noisy)

Actual real life neighbours of family members have included; Ms Snowball, Mrs Griffin and Mrs Swan.

When I was little I also knew Sweary Man and his tribe of dogs, and someone I thought of as the incredible shrinking lady (now I realise she must have had had a debilitating spinal issue). I was growing inch by inch and she was getting smaller every time mum stopped to talk to her up the street. I read a lot of Roald Dahl in those days and I genuinely thought she would get tinier and tinier and then disappear.

Mum used to do old people's hairdressing along a line of houses where the council housed the elderly. She cheerfully called it Death Row. Hopefully we never repeated that. We always got toffees when we went with her in the hols.

There was also Toby Jug Lady, she had a dresser full and I was fascinated by them.

Oh yes we do - two women with the same name that are called "the Jane's"

A nosy fucker that is Peter bastard jones (not his real name)

And Harold the hippy

The eel! Ha ha ha

Yes curly sue, blonde and stalker 😂😂😂

One of our neighbours has the nickname of the serial killer.

What a wife!

I want to know more about handcuff women 🤣

The obsessive car washers (or OCWs) - never seen more immaculate vehicles!
The alcoholics - used to come back from corner shop 7.15 every night without fail with 4 cans of Stella
Shirley the spy - used to tell the woman we bought the house off how we ripped everything out 🤷🏼‍♀️

Happy and happy because the neighbour and his Mrs are very grumpy almost all the time. So we thought that by giving them happy names we will magically turn into happy people.