Do you have secret names for your neighbours?

[Cattery]

We have Dot Woman, Mattress Burner, Strangler and Trappy

Mostly we use names, but it's a long road, so we also have:

Big Gob and The Wasp.
Rumpole and Hilda - he's a very pompous retired lawyer.
The Yappy Dog House
Jock McPisser - couldn't wait for a wee on the way home from the pub one night.
The Not My Problems - never help their 90 year old neighbour out with bins etc.
The Lovelies

The new neighbours
Worzel Gummidge
Darren and the boys
Tammy two shoes
scouse Garry
the nice guy on the corner
the knob head next door

Can I see your manager - she has a hairstyle that most angry women have that ask for the manager! nicknamed by a visitor who worked in retail

Size 10 🤯

Tat & Pony instead of Pat & Tony.

Umbrella - she had a hell of a time trying to get a brolly to work in the rain.

I dread to think what the neighbours call me after reading this ! lol
We do have ' yappy dog' lady at the back of us ( I don't know her name )
My mum had a neighbour she used to call ' news of the world' because she knew everyone and everything. She was nice though

Classic Tits - own three classic cars (don't you know!), hate children, try up one-up anyone they speak to and are definitely a pair of tits.

The Beige Brigade - Mum, Dad and children always wearing shades of beige and cream, never a (cream) hair out of place and always full makeup; drive around in a large BMW with a cream interior. Very Instagram-looking.

The Mad Hammer - was once in the garden hammering a tree support into the ground with the tiniest hammer at 6:15am. It echoed off all the surrounding houses and woke up most of our estate.

Loving all these names!

Lurch, big tall guy hunched over vaping all the time. His wife, Waynetta. Always shouting and screaming at the kids. The kids, Chuckie and Annabelle.
This street was lovely until they moved here. No matter the time of day, there's music blasting or arguments between them. But ofcourse on Facebook, they're a loving little family who would do anything for their kids...

Then we have Diane#2. Named after an old neighbour who loved a gossip over the fence. Can't go out in the garden without Diane#2 popping up to say hello and keep you talking for days. Nice woman despite that though.

Reuters

(terrible gossip, and is the first on the street to know everyone's business)

Sons of next door but one (right pains in the arse) were Terry and Wang Wang.

(And you are showing your age if you know where those names come from!)

How could I forget the Mr Man?

He looks like the nameless human extras in the Mr Man books, sporting a dark coat and a bowler hat, which he lifts aloft and bellows "GOOD AFTERNOON" as he walks past.

The Mr Man extra is my favourite neighbour.

A new neighbour to our old estate years ago once told my late dad once he owned a chicken farm in South Africa.
He was always known as ' the chicken man ' from there on in and I never did find out his real name, but he seemed friendly enough and didn't have any chickens in his back garden in the uk.

I took in a parcel for someone across the road one Christmas. I didn't know them. The man knocked for it , told me I was ' probably the sort who knew everyone and how he liked to keep himself to himself ' took the parcel and marched off. I called him a name under my breath ..

Years ago we named our neighbours.
The old tart.
Glamor pus.
Miss karan never wrong.
Miss judge.
And pervert john.

Yep,

We've got Garden-Stealer, and Lurch.

In our previous house there was "The Hero of [Location Name]", who was the local drug dealer, but had smelt gas on one of his nighttime walkabouts so had been dubbed such by the local paper.

I love this thread.

We the old boy next door the village idiot because he's the loudest most annoying person in the road.
And if his wife is with him it's tweedledum and tweedledee

Idiot Man is married to Vile Shouty Woman. Needless to say they have Screamer and Wailer for offspring. Trouble is Vile Shouty Woman is also as stupid as her husband. There has been police involvement.

It's the children I feel sorry for. You can hear her shouting at them from 15 m away. It must be terrifying close up. It's usually about how bad mannered they are and how they show her up. She lacks self awareness.

I can only ever remember people's dogs' names, for some reason - so our neighbours are Ted (the cockerpoo), Father Ted (Ted's male owner) and Mrs Doyle (Ted's male owner's wife).

Then there's the Hot Tub People.

I love these. Thought I wouldn't be able to join in as we only have Mad Elaine and her son Mr Bean. I used to work in the village shop though and we had nicknames for everyone. These are the only ones I can think of at the moment

Tom scone came in every day to buy a single scone
Tom tit was a massive tit
Amy Winehouse had a massive black beehive hairdo
Eric the half a bee
The merry widows
RAF Dave

Redneck - older woman with a terrible mullet hairdo
The Clampets
BMW guy - horrid guy who thinks cos he has a BMW, he can park it like an arse where ever he wants
Officer Doofey - looks just like him
Moaner - old woman who complains about EVERYTHING

Immediate neighbours go by their actual name, as we know the names. The rest of the street goes by dog breeds (met a lady with The Spaniel, saw The Frenchie family in the park). If they don't have a dog, then there is a garden feature - The ones from the Magnolia house. Then there is The Lady That Lives Alone. And then there are The Christians. Nothing wrong with the Christians, it's just they have car stickers and door banners and other things Praising The Lord, so religion is the only thing I know about them.

Mr Dogshit from Dogshit house lives opposite us. Used to have a dog that in the evening he’d let the dog wander unsupervised on the “village green” opposite my house shitting (and not picking up).

Stompy for our next door neighbour, or Stompy Twat on bad days.

Druggy son is no longer due to being a druggy.

The rest are mostly known by their names or as husband/wife of.

Pussy galore - has about 17 cats, anti social and talks to noone

Tits magee - rides her bike everywhere, but with no bra and HuGGGGGGe bouncing boobs flying all over the place

Some of these have made me laugh. We don’t do it so much with the current neighbours, did it a bit in our previous house, but definitely used to do this big-time on holiday when we went to the same small hotel every year for several years and often saw the same people back again.

At various times we had The Barrow-folk (a family who were like Cockney geezer market-traders)

The Farmers (they used to get up incredibly early as if for milking and if you stumbled to the loo you’d see them sitting at the beach bar gazing at the sunrise, often with actual glasses of alcohol at 5am)

My Ain Trite (an extremely posh man who was asked whether he liked fishing and bellowed that he had 'my AIN TRITE in my AIN LAKE!')

Piers and Ruth (the woman looked like Ruth Rendell and the man like someone we knew called…er….Piers)

Skinny and Hairy (for obvious reasons)

Family of the Week (it was the era of Channel 4's Big Breakfast when they had a regular feature where they had a 'resident' family - not quite sure why we called them this but probably just because it was a mum and dad plus two kids, unusual in a small quiet all-inclusive hotel aimed at couples with not much for children to do)

Thinking about it, I dread to think how we were labelled in return.

we used to have Charlie Chaplin and the angry clown but their house burned down a couple of years ago

This evokes such vivid black-and-white images in my mind. Charlie Chaplin and a clown mournfully watching their house burn down. 😢🤡

Before that, I see Charlie and the clown taking turns to jump from an upstairs window into a blanket held by several neighbours. One lands as planned. The other shuts their eyes before jumping and lands in a passing pick-up truck full of tomatoes.

A couple behind us whose entire house is black and white, inside and out, and they only ever wear black and white - Mr and Mrs Monochrome