Do you have secret names for your neighbours?

[Cattery]

We have Dot Woman, Mattress Burner, Strangler and Trappy

We have the w⚓️ to the right of us , Roland Rat to the left and olive from on the buses directly opposite 🤣

Thanks everyone for the laughs! I think some of my neighbours are on MN so would be too outing, but ..
When I was about 18, some friends had a flat in a big old house with a resident caretaker. Who they called Jobsworth. Having never heard the term before, I assumed it was his name, and one day approached him - “Excuse me, are you Mr Jobsworth?”

We have :
George's mum (George is a lovely cat who visits us and helps our cat eat all the food in his bowl)
Smiley Dave - always cheerful and chatty
Whistling Dave (to distinguish from Smiley Dave)
Wrong end of the stick woman (the terror of the local FB page)
The Mermaid (drove her car into the local stream while pissed)
Foghorn Leghorn - ndn's daughter who carried out confidential (government) phone calls in the garden during lockdown at full volume - very interesting!
Doleful Dan - always complaining
The Serial Shaggers - windows open at all times
Mr & Mrs Fields of Gold - their afternoon shagging music. Close the windows when you hear this starting up.

@Whatineed I'm sure we were being very unfair to the Farmers as they doubtless did have jobs, and worked very hard to enjoy their two weeks away in the sun, but iirc the thing that really made us dub them that (other than their dawn rising habits) was their very West Country accents which made it all too tempting to cast them as agricultural in some way. Naughty of us, almost certainly!

Some of these secret names have been hilarious. Love the ones that reference the neighbours by the name of their pet. Dave the cat 🤣🤣🤣

When my ex Dh and l bought a house in the late 80’s we were known as The Yuppies😂

We weren’t Yuppies!

We used to have a woman opposite called Stella as she never left the house without a can of Stella in her hand at any time of the day or night.

In our old house:

The Flumps

TrilbyDave

The kinkies

Mr spoons

Skoda man

The punks

Coughing Colin. Always has a wander and checks out the street around dusk and he has a particular cough that we know it's him. We don't know his real name so probably isn't Colin lol.

We have;
The bible bashers - only leave the house to go to church
Dead Olive’s house - Olive died
Army man - Think he’s in the army
The vampires - never open their curtains
The thrives - land dispute
Mercedes wankers - all drive white mercs

I do like living here though 😂

HA HA HA!

Stig of the Dump
Rod and Tod
Slimmer of the Year
Hateful and Mr Hateful
The shooter
Mrs Walker (not her name she just walks a lot)

We've got male -
The Purple Dwarf because he reminds us of Rumple Stiltskin, a creepy little man with a purple beard!
Mental Mickie because he's nuttier than a bar of Cadburys Fruit and Nut!
Bailey No Balls because he's a vicious bully!

Female -
Jackie Big Boobs because she's got knockers so big that if she falls backwards she'd crush herself to death!
Stupid Sue because she's always moaning and criticizing about everyone and everything!

Strange Suzanna because she'd only just started renting her shop and immediately started slagging off one of the female shop owners!

Over the years we’ve had:
Cement bags
Kays catalogue
Posh bloke
Dumpy Doos
Sargent Major
Hills have eyes
Boomer

Oh God, we also have SAS Wanker

(Cant tell you what he does as he'd have to kill you, oozes toxic masculinity)

Bizarrely, we have a house known by its inhabitant 3 occupiers ago.

So it goes something like this.

"You know old Gordon's house. The one where the very old guy moved in after him and then he died of pneumonia and now the couple live there with the Citroën Berlingo and the labrador?"

Why the fuck I don't just say "No 4" I've no idea

Tom Scone.

😂this made me burst out laughing. Not sure why!

Yes, lots of them

Woody and the wanker (A dog and owner)
Crabby Bat Man (another dog owner)
The Von Traps (lots of kids, don't know names)
The boy and the babysitter (odd couple)

Moaning Margaret (my next door elderly neighbour who moans about absolutely everything). Her name isn’t actually Margaret!

The Dog Nazi - a neighbour a few doors down who keeps sending me messages that my very well behaved dog who walks to heal - should be on a lead at absolutely all times.

Froggie Custo - my French neighbour.

How can I forget the gay gardeners?

A delightful pair of retired men who spend every day pottering around planting up flowerbeds in the town centre, weeding footpaths, watering trees in hot weather and befriending all the wildlife. They very quietly go about their days making the environment nicer for everyone. They are the PERFECT neighbours.

We have crazy snake lady and numpty

Stompasaurus, and now she’s got a toddler there’s mini stompasaurus too😁

Not for his partner, she's really nice.

For him, he's been christened "twatty boy" by me. The things he ends up doing, I think he is just solid in the head.

Oh I wish I lived next to them. They sound marvellous.

There was a guy like that on our road. As soon as the sun came out, his top came off. We called him Lizardman.

I really want to know how ‘arseonbackwards’ acquired his name.😂

We have a neighbour who is really into building things and welding other things together. Which is all well and good, but he seems to build something (pergola) then dismantles it a week or so later then builds something (decking and jaccuzzi) then again dismantles it about a week later. It's totally odd.

This has been going on for years. Then I found out on the grapevine (which he built and dismantled) that he is an odd job handy man and when he is contracted to do something he tries it out in his garden first.

So it finally made sense and i had to admire his commitment tbh.