How would you handle this - DD called DS a ‘little shit’

[Fantina]

Took the DC on a much awaited (and expensive) treat night and had a lovely time. As we left the venue they were pushing and shoving each other and the pavement was busy with pedestrians so I told them both off and told them to stop it and not to spoil the evening.

Teen DD refuses to let anything drop with DS and she doubles down and says he was an ‘arrogant little shit’. I told her to apologise to him as I’d asked them both to stop and she’d carried it on. She refused despite him apologising to her for his part in the shoving.

Now I’m upset that both of them can’t behave and that DD not only called him that out of nowhere but that she doesn’t respect me enough to drop things when I ask so our time out doesn’t get marred.

Would you just have let this comment slide? I don’t think it is acceptable and it’s like she backs me into a corner of needing to address his tone and language towards him.

Two teenagers physically fighting on the street
🤔

To son: stop winding your sister up
To daughter: watch your language
Both of them: pack it in with the shoving

Is anything else really necessary?

ask where she learnt language like that

Do you live under a rock? She's sixteen! She will have heard SO much worse at school.

I thought you were going to say they were primary aged!

I really couldn't get this worked up about two teenagers being stupid. And maybe he was being a little shit - lots of thirteen year olds are 🤷‍♀️

They weren't fighting, they were mucking around.

I remember when my brother was a 13 year old little shit. I couldn't get hugely upset about what was said. Just a reminder to watch language and not wind each other up. Maybe take them out separately if they don't get on very well.

I think you are overreacting a bit.

My boys (young teens) do that kind of thing all the time. I would be quite cross if they loudly swore in public, especially if there were younger children there,, but I doubt I would do much more than tell them off quite loudly when we got home and tell them that if they kept doing it, they wouldn’t be taken to nice places.

The language is quite mild, though. Unless there are bigger issues, siblings do this all the time. Two minutes later they will be laughing together.

This!

Tell her it really annoyed you and next time she asks for a day out say no because of your behaviour last time

Was he being an arrogant little shit? I ask because I have a big age gap children too, and now they are adults I've learned about several incidents where I apportioned blame to the older one entirely unfairly!

To be honest, I'd probably just let it go.

She must have been reading Mumsnet, where people refer to children (sometimes their own children) as “little shits” all the time.

Another in the over reacting camp. I'd just give a brief reprimand and move on. Siblings innit?

You had a nice evening out, and then you told them that a bit of shoving would ‘ruin’ that
would it really have ruined it? Could it not have just been dealt with swiftly instead of making it about ruined evenings and their behaviour not just as the behaviour of children but instead as a sign of disrespect for you, along with a standoff for public apologies.

i actually don’t feel that a 16 year old saying someone is a ‘little shit’ is that big of a deal. Who started the shoving? If it was him what should she have done instead of shoving him back or calling him a little shit? Does she know? Can she trust you to handle it?

In 51 years I have never sworn in front of my DM or DF, neither has DB or DS1. DS2 on the other hand was a bit of a brat and did it maybe a couple of times . The fact some find it acceptable really is quite sad.

Well was he being an arrogant little shit?

If he was, then the cap fits

Im not sure why there is such angst about it

I think you're overreacting.

I would have said quite a lot to them forcefully - eg that is no way to speak to anyone even if they are annoying you, we have had a lovely evening out and your behaviour is spoiling it I suggest you both think carefully about that and what you are doing.

But I don't think I would take it quite so personally in terms of "disrespecting my time" nor be implementing consequences.

To me it's a thing you call them out on firmly at the time, then move on.

I guess it would depend if your son was acting like an arrogant little shit or not. 13 year old brothers can behave like that to 16 year old sisters at times.

You called her out on her language at the time I assume which is all that needs doing really in regard to her comment.

As regards them both behaving poorly while they were out you need to decide whether you will be again anytime soon or lay down rules next time you decide to.

I'd have dealt with it there and then - as you did by telling both off but I'd have pulled DD on the disrespect and inability to drop it when she did that as well in such as way it was final and line drawn under it for that evening.

I wouldn't be dragging it into another day or making it a big long term thing - other them to them to be respectful and what behavior is expected from them both.

Afraid you’ve misunderstood. I said ‘if that kinda thing really bothers you’. It wouldn’t bother me. See my previous post too:

UnpickThePockets · Today 05:30

It doesn’t sound like she was ‘doubling down’ out of disrespect to you - more like wanting to get the last word in to her brother, which is standard teen behaviour. And maybe he was being an arrrogant little shit?!

I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill.

Maybe he was being an arrogant little shit and annoyed the hell out of her, though?

You're overreacting.

The question is, was he? At 16 it can be hard to let go when your younger siblings are being a pain

My DB and I have a similar age gap (now in our 40s) and my mum used to split us up by standing between us. And yes one of us used to have to have the last word. And yes my DB was being a little shit. He knew what triggered me. He loved getting a reaction.

Move on OP, you are over-analysing this. Teenagers are horrible. It's only now I live 70 miles from the little shit that we get on better now.

I'm also wondering if the treat wasn't as big a deal to them, eg booked tickets for much loved and coveted artist but in the 9 months waiting teens move on to someone else.

Yep I agree. (Dc aged 12 and 21 here). Really couldn’t begin to get that bothered about this.

Teen girl calls little brother something rude during an argument. Sounds like just another day to me! My friends' much older sister used to call me and my mates little shits when we were bickering and messing about aged about 10.
She should still apologise to him though.