Selfish DH preventing DD getting ready for school

[Spelunk]

I get up at 6.30am and get ready, then wake DD at 7.15am. She has 15 mins to get up and dressed, 15 mins to eat breakfast, and 15 mins to have a quick wash and brush teeth. So DD bathroom time is 7.45am-8.00am, then we put shoes on and walk out the door at 8.10am.

DH is repeatedly using the bathroom during that time and making it difficult for DD to get ready for school. I’ve told him repeatedly that he can use the bathroom any other time but not during that 15 minute slot.

Today he was bending over brushing his teeth in the sink while I was trying to get DD toothbrush out of the cupboard above the sink, and bonked him on the back of the head with the corner of the door. DH was furious, and I was equally furious because he shouldn’t be fucking getting in the way during those 15 minutes.

He’s a grown adult, he’s capable of getting up 15 minutes earlier to use the bathroom. He’s just fucking lazy and lying in bed as late as possible. Then he ends up needing the bathroom right before he leaves for work at 8am. It’s selfish and I’m absolutely sick of it.

Completely appreciate he's being infuriating and you shouldn't have to adapt for him because he should be able to make his schedule fit the rest of the family...but...as that doesn't seem to be happening this works well for quite a few of my friends. They keep a spare toothbrush set in the kitchen so if the bathroom is in use they can brush downstairs.

Personally we just wing it, but what anyone else does isn't really the point of the thread.

Why should the OP have to flex on this?

Op and DD work best to a routine.

No compromise needed here.

Majority wins.

YANBU.

He sounds like a big child...

We are all 4 in and out of the bathroom in the mornings, no timetable, often in their at the same time, brushing teeth at same time - I assumed that was normal family life. Until teen years where may need a rota.

Dealing with a selfish husband and parent can be challenging and emotionally taxing. It sounds like you have already done the importance and gave clear boundaries and let him know what behavior is not acceptable to you and your daughter.

If there is a clear disrespect to a minor, it falls under him feeling he is more important than his daughter. Then you are dealing with a toxic influence.

The way you sound rightfully angry, I imagine there is more to this. The words lazy and selfish usually are used when a marriage is on the rocks. Which also is not good for daughter ( or you ).

I think you need self care here, in amidst the chaos and seek support. Because resentment grows and self care can be lost.

Tell your husband, he is effecting his marriage and his daughters education and you find this unacceptable. Explain, he needs to go to sleep earlier so he can get up earlier and that you are going to seek advise about the situation.

He should ponder on that and wonder what it means. Hopefully enough to get up earlier.

Good luck.

I’d try any trick you can think of to punish him for doing this. Do your taps affect the shower? Turn them on when he’s in.

Or bollock the living daylights out of him when DC is out of hearing. I’d start waking him up at the time he needs to get up - loudly and clearly, duvet pulled off. ‘Get up now as it’s your bathroom time. ‘

Sounds as if you hate him and it’s time to leave the relationship. I know you have said that you can’t as you would have to start working which means that your DS doesn’t get her current level of care but there is always a way.

otherwise you are role modelling an unhealthy relationship to her which will be damaging in the long run.

What the fuck? He's her Dad! I mean, taking a dump in front of her is pretty grim, but it doesn't mean he's "unnecessarily exposed his dick" to her!! That's a pretty serious, grave accusation. Families see each other naked, that's completely normal!

What happens if you lock the door?

Sounds as if you hate him and it’s time to leave the relationship
He obviously hates you equally. It seems you are both out to cause each other as much pain as possible. Poor DD in the middle.
If you split you may be surprised that, without the poisonous atmosphere, your (D)H will be a much more reasonable father. And, with a full time job, you may be able to be less 'tunnel visioned'.

YANBU OP You are not being unreasonable !

In our one bathroom house it is vital that our teenage DC get up and leave the house to catch their bus in the morning.

7.00am onwards I won't use the bathroom because DS will be heading there for a shower.

After that DD will have next first dibs on the bathroom.

And then both of them will be in and out as leaving time gets nearer.

Both gone by 7.50.

I basically know that, if I want a shower in the morning, I'd better get in and out before 7am. If I miss that, I need to wait until after 7.50. Anything else is needlessly frustrating and shooting our DC in the foot when they are trying to get to school.

Just absolute basics of not being an arse to your kid. It's achievement enough for a teenager to get up early and not miss a bus!

oh and by the way, DH also avoids the bathroom for that hour, because he's not an arse either

😲😲😲
sounds like you’re thinking about yourself and not your child or her wellbeing

What the fuck? He's her Dad! I mean, taking a dump in front of her is pretty grim, but it doesn't mean he's "unnecessarily exposed his dick" to her!! That's a pretty serious, grave accusation. Families see each other naked, that's completely normal!

It’s not an accusation. It’s a fact. He is exposing his dick. And he’s doing it unnecessarily.

While families might see each other naked, most men do not choose to shit in front of their young daughters. If you think it’s normal to do that you’ve got serious problems.

Bonk him on the head a bit harder with the door tomorrow OP.

I can't imagine getting in to an argument about this with my DH because we actually like each other. This obviously isn't about bathroom access, most happy families would just cheerfully work around each other (apart from using the toilet, why can't people in the same family share a bathroom at the same time). You both sound unnecessarily combative and rude. Seems like the beginning of the end.

He sounds like a dick who doesn't care about you or your daughter.

That said, why let him ruin every morning? I'd ger daughter up, get her to wash toilet and do teeth, get dressed and then go downstairs. You're always up before him, so there's little chance of a clash.

He's can't 'win" if there no battle to be had.

Apparently I'm reading a different thread because this is batshit. OP is being VERY controlling here. If this was the other way round, and a woman was saying her husband sets alarms in the morning that determine when she is allowed or not allowed to do things. Like brush her teeth, wash or go to the toilet, it would have gone a very different way. I don't know a single autistic child, including my own, who needs alarms every 15 minutes. OP says she did this before DD even came along. That's not normal. This is all about control and routine to manage OPs anxiety. Not her DDs.

You’re not being unreasonable but there’s not much you can do with unreasonable people because they will never accept they’re in the wrong.

If it were me and I heard him heading towards the bathroom at 7:40 I’d be shouting in a stern voice ‘don’t be in the bathroom between 7:45 and 8, we’ll be using it’.

When he asked why you were horrible what did you reply?

I hope this was hyperbole, because you shouldn't be 'dragging' your child anywhere.

Why would you want the enamel softened? If the acids in the breakfast will soften it then surely you should brush it off?

I think he sounds awful. Selfish and uncaring.

Sorry I got distracted by the strict routine thing. Is this what most people do ? This is probably why we are so disorganised in our family. I've never had a routine like this. We all just slot into the bathroom whenever and get up at different times each day. So I'm with your husband , it's all too rigid.

This