Radical life change to leave the rat race - has anyone done this?

[Braindeer]

This is a bit long…sorry in advance. Also I am aware I am extremely fortunate so please don’t read on if first world problems are triggering for you.

I work full time in the city in London - long hours, high pay. I’m the main breadwinner - DH works in charity sector so much lower pay (a fraction of mine). Kids are preschool and year 1 and I’m pregnant with DC3. We live in a not especially nice quite small and narrow terrace in zone 3 and have about 50% equity (c.£500k). I have a very good pension pot but we don’t have much savings relative to earnings (about 6 months’ expenses).

At the moment I feel like I’m sacrificing a lot and it’s not paying off - the money I earn sounds like insane riches but in London it doesn’t go far at all (eg can’t afford to extend the kitchen, couldn’t afford private school for 2 kids never mind 3).

I’ve been fantasising about selling up and moving to a cheaper part of the country, buying a cheaper house outright and moving to a much lower paid part time job so I can spend more time with the kids.

But I also recognise that I’m very much a classic “Type A” personality and wonder if this would be a terrible mistake…once we make the move we could never go back.

Has anyone done anything like this? Is this madness? I obviously wouldn’t contemplate it until after dc3 is here.

I constantly feel the same way about my life in London. Unfortunately my husband is hell bent on staying here. But if I had any choice at all, I would move my children to a country with a better work/life balance where I can still hold a decent position.

@Braindeer I don't think you are rewarded enough monetarily relative to the sacrifices you are making. I am interested to know how you decided on another baby when you feel you don't spend enough time with your existing two .....
if you ate Type A, you will find your way elsewhere as well IMO

I am just about to do this! I have a senior job although not a mega high earner (third sector). Am perimenopausal with three small kids and a chronic illness and just cannot be fucked any more. We’re leaving London for my hometown. No idea what I’m going to do work-wise but figure I’ll figure something out… Might be madness, will know in a couple of years! What does your DH think?

@chopc we always wanted 3 kids. In our relationship I’m more of the traditional dad role, DH the mum. He works part time (3 days), I work 5. I take the kids to school every day and am home by 6 to do their bedtime routines probably 4 out of 5 days a week, I wfh 1-2 days and can usually log off at 4pm on Fridays. So they are not starved of parental love and attention.

BUT I can’t go part time in my job and that’s what I’d really like to do - work 3 days and have more after school time with the kids and also some me time (which is totally non existent).

@Aozora13 that is brave - good luck! Please do report back!

DH would need to travel into London between 0-2 days a week depending on time of year (essentially university term time only) and is open to a move as long as he can still do that without it being too painful. I think he would support me whatever. On the one hand he would love to see me more/have me less stressed/probably not have the guilt that there is such an earnings disparity (thanks patriarchy) but on the other hand we would lose loads of £ in the short and long term.

I relocated from London to a much cheaper city and left 6 figure job to start my own business around school hours. It's worked well for me, I earn much less but much costs are much less. I think it depends what you might do for work and the cost of where you would move. I have loved doing school pick ups as well as drop offs and hearing all about DC day and having time to go out with them after school.

For decision like this, you need to consider why your own personal values and your values as a family are let that guide you in terms of where you want to move, and what you could do, or staying where you are.

Brene brown has some excellent guidances on identifying your personal values and using that to support your life decisions. I found it amazing and I’m truly happy in my new way of life, but it wasn’t as bigger jump as yours.

I would do it in a heartbeat if I were you.

You have £500k equity in your house? There are many, many parts of the UK where £500k would get you an absolutely beautiful property in a beautiful location,

I would do that. Live mortgage free. Both work part-time. Earnings would be for holidays and saving for property deposits for the kids. Would be available to host playdates for the kids afterschool or take them to the park because that's all they really want.

It's a no brainer for me.

Do you have any links to any other part the country? Where I live has become a lot more expensive. A decent four bed house could be had for 250k that’s now 500k in around the last decade. Obviously wages are just nowhere near some London wages, we have friends that work in the city. The biggest earners I know are a University Professor, a surgeon and a builder. Hardly low pay but less than 100k which though salary not mentioned I am guessing you may be on something like this.

What is your actual pension pot if you don’t mind me asking because quite often with company pensions it sounds loads but the actual pension received is not anywhere near what people assume, you may have possibly had a recent forecast but what’s it looking like? A 100k annuity would give only around 4.5k per annum. You may not be planning an annuity but just as an example.

Could you move into a different role that is part time? Do you have savings? I’m assuming you could still service the 500k mortgage.

What do you want for your kids?

If you want good opportunities and cosmopolitan schooling, you can’t beat London and also other places in the UK that offer that aren’t actually that cheap. You could move, still have a mortgage and have fewer work opportunities. If you’re used to London life, moving to a UK town where everyone has been there for the past 4 generations can be a bit of a culture shock.

Is your DH up for doing 4 days? So you could each do a 4 day week?

Can you do compressed hours? That’s not a bad set up for FT hours. It’s easy to do 4 days but be expected to deliver on a FT workload.

Live mortgage free. Both work part-time. Earnings would be for holidays and saving for property deposits for the kids.

Surely earnings would have to cover everyday outgoings before any of that.

Utility bills, council tax, food, clothing, maintenance and breakdowns, travel to work costs etc.

Most of those generally cost as much outside London as in London.

I would think hard about what your day to day life would be like. I love the idea of more space, more time with dc and having chickens (!), but when we seriously considered it realised the day to day life would be boring (for us anyway) and we love the activities for dc in our outer London area.

Have you got a link to this please, or is there a particular book I can find it in?

Life is short. You have a young family but they won't be young for long. I would move in a heartbeat.

I moved out of London two years ago for the Kent coast (Deal) and it was the right decision for me.

I really could no longer stand the noise, crowds, pollution and living in a flat in zone free where I just did not have enough space. So I sold the flat and bought a terrace house with a lovely garden.

My health was really affected by then and I was struggling with chronic pain due to a long term condition and constant stress.

My chronic pain has massively improved since I left and I am loving the quieter, lifestyle surrounded by friendlier people. I have a much healthier life by the sea.

I work part-time for a London-based company but looking to do something fully remote so I will only have to commute back to London to see friends or do something cultural.

If I were you I would absolutely move out and change your lifestyle.

You are not even seeing the financial reward for working hard in a senior job, your don't particularly like where you live and you don't see much of your kids and have constant stress...that does not sound like a good life to me.

Your partner is not under the same pressure and at the moment you are not getting a fair deal.

Sell the house and use the money to build a better life for you and your family.

You can both work part-time and enjoy your family.

Many jobs are hybrid these days so you could even buy somewhere where you can still keep links to London for your career.

Personally I would. Your kids will be grown before you know it. Even by age 12 they don't really want to be with you anymore.

''@Chersfrozenface
Surely earnings would have to cover everyday outgoings before any of that.

Utility bills, council tax, food, clothing, maintenance and breakdowns, travel to work costs etc.

Most of those generally cost as much outside London as in London.''

Not quite true.

I am on the Kent coast.

I find that things like restaurants, clothing, cafes, markets, hairdressers, exercise classes (pilates/yoga), vet fees are much cheaper than compared to London.

Trades people are also more reasonable when quoting for work than in the capital.

Also not everyone also needs to commute back to London for work.

To be honest I think your set up sounds great - main breadwinner home 4 nights out of 5 for 6pm?!

But if you're not happy then think carefully about what would make you happy. And the long term impacts.

I did halfway, in that I moved sideways to a similar role but negotiated part time work in the recruitment process. Left a big city for a south coast town. I LOVE it

i am type a but I am still working, and now my type a ness comes out in the decorating and renovating of the house

Yeah I did it, over a decade ago. Best decision ever. I wasn’t the breadwinner though so the loss of my salary wasn’t such a big deal. My dc are at secondary school now and I’m finding it more important than ever that I’m around to help them navigate these tricky and hormonal years. In a few years they’ll be gone.

I would just say make sure your pension plans are sound. I’m at the point now where this is becoming more and more a focus amongst my friends my age. Some of those who traded in the rat race for a simpler life are now facing some difficult choices and the future looks a bit scary for them. Health worries start to be a real issue.

Everywhere else is cheap compared to London. There are pockets of expensive places, but still cheaper alternatives.
Alderley Edge and the Trafford area of South Manchester for example have London prices... grammar schools, rich footballers etc. The 'naice' suburbs of Stockport like the Heatons are also expensive. 300K for a small terrace.
However, the same price in other areas like Salford and other East Manchester suburbs can still get you a nice, large 3/4 bed semi with garden and driveway, good schools and close to public transport.
The areas are not as 'naice' but, as with London, if the aim's to commute into the city centre, who cares?

Of course, for said 'small rundown town' 300K is stil very expensive but it's very cheap for a Londoner...

Your hours don't sound that bad at all for a city job.

If you are a type A city type, it seems unlikely to be the case that you would be happy doing a much less intense job.

If I were you, the things I would look at are:

Adjusting your working pattern - e.g. could you use breakfast club a couple of days a week and then finish up at lunchtime on Friday, i.e. work full time in 4.5 days. You could then get an hour or so to yourself and then have after school time with your kids. It's not all that different to what you currently do so they might be open to it.

Taking some unpaid parental leave to get more time off in the school holidays with the kids

Sideways moves to similar jobs in lower stress environments more open to part time. E.g. most of my friends who used to work in city law firms, post children have gone in house or do government law. Similarly those who used to do big 4 roles, now do in house or freelance