Radical life change to leave the rat race - has anyone done this?

[Braindeer]

This is a bit long…sorry in advance. Also I am aware I am extremely fortunate so please don’t read on if first world problems are triggering for you.

I work full time in the city in London - long hours, high pay. I’m the main breadwinner - DH works in charity sector so much lower pay (a fraction of mine). Kids are preschool and year 1 and I’m pregnant with DC3. We live in a not especially nice quite small and narrow terrace in zone 3 and have about 50% equity (c.£500k). I have a very good pension pot but we don’t have much savings relative to earnings (about 6 months’ expenses).

At the moment I feel like I’m sacrificing a lot and it’s not paying off - the money I earn sounds like insane riches but in London it doesn’t go far at all (eg can’t afford to extend the kitchen, couldn’t afford private school for 2 kids never mind 3).

I’ve been fantasising about selling up and moving to a cheaper part of the country, buying a cheaper house outright and moving to a much lower paid part time job so I can spend more time with the kids.

But I also recognise that I’m very much a classic “Type A” personality and wonder if this would be a terrible mistake…once we make the move we could never go back.

Has anyone done anything like this? Is this madness? I obviously wouldn’t contemplate it until after dc3 is here.

Sorry - just to clarify - I’m home to do bedtime but then log on and do another 2-3 hours work most nights, usually do a bit at the weekend and when on holiday. And coming up to a big deadline will miss doing the bedtimes as well.

To the person who asked re my pension pot - I’m 37 and have £350k atm - which I thought was quite good.

Flexible/compressed hours don’t exist in my job - I have to be available basically at all times but am senior enough to block out certain times in my diary (eg the bedtime slot, or if there is a school
commktment) provided I can fit client work around it.

Lots of food for thought here though - will read through replies again now.

What "lower paid part time job" would actually appeal to you OP, and would you be a good fit for it?

If you're a quant or a partner specialising in, say, shipping finance, I don't think you'll have the easiest time of it finding a random part-time job elsewhere in the country.

Or is it just, "Whatever, I'll find something; I just want more time with the kids" that's driving this? Because you may find your work identity matters more than you allow for.

OP, I think you need to consider your priorities and career path. At the risk of being piled on. A single, salaried 'primary breadwinner' has so much taken away in tax, compared to the hours put it, that it's just not worth it unless your salary is extremely high. In London, you're also competing with a lot of asset rich house buyers.

I left London after 6 years (uni + first job) because, although I was on track to earning a massive salary, it still wouldn't be enough to get me a family sized house in a decent area with a 30 min commute to the main station. As much as I loved theatres, eating out etc, I needed only a few good shows + restaurants to be satisfied, I spend more time at home! I was always stressing about money, I couldn't bring myself to spend any, my early twenties were flying by and I decided it was all too much.

I moved to Manchester and earned close to 6 figures by the age of 30, with a husband earning slightly less. Despite spending happily in our mid-late twenties we managed to buy a large semi-detached house, garden, garage, driveway etc 20 min public transport to the city centre. I still work hard, but my mortgage is so affordable, when the DC come along I can go part-time.

I could be earning at least double this in London, but with a worse standard of living... for what purpose?

This isn't possible for everyone obviously, I work in financial services technology so could move. If you're in investment banking, equity research or similar you'd probably have to change careers.

Another thing to consider is hybrid work/contracting. Quite a few London commuters where I live (we're a 15 min drive from direct trains to London).

Yes @ncedforthispost this is exactly it - London doesn’t make sense anymore without inheritance (which we will never have) because of the mad house prices.

Im a solicitor. I could push for partnership (and will if we stay) and then will earn more but stress will also be worse. Options if I move would depend where we went - I could try to find a lower key legal job (in house or maybe PSL or something with a good chunk of remote working), or teaching at law school. If none of those were possible then I’d be open to doing something else entirely.

@TheWayTheLightFalls Im
worried that you may be right re my work identity. At the moment I am craving a simpler life but I wonder if I might also really regret it, especially once the kids get older. It all seems a bit all or nothing.

I think you should go for it @Braindeer

It doesn't need to be all or nothing. You don't sound as if you'd move and stand still, you will always be pushing yourself and looking for opportunities. Be brave!!

In your shoes I'd aim to find a role which is London based, hybrid working giving me similar/less income but without the expectation of 40+ hours. I'd then move away from London, be mortgage free and commute to London couple of times a week/month to keep my income levels whilst dropping my expenses and getting back some time. For this you'd have to look for smaller companies than your current one (maybe smaller brand) who will give you the seniority without as much money/pressure.
It is a bit all/nothing when it comes to women's careers - sad truth.
You will be bored in 10 years time if you exit your track completely.

I was able to take a 'keep the lights on, but no progression' path for nearly 15 years and now that my youngest is almost 10, I've snapped back into senior/high salary mode. Infact we moved out of London for a decade and moved back once the eldest was getting into secondary and I was getting bank into my career saddle.

I think you need to take the long view. Kids will be school age before you know it and rural life isn't that stimulating for many families, plus they will be totally dependent on you for rides to any and all activities. I know the thought of a big house & garden has its charms now, but giving up a London property and a high paid career ...not sure it's worth it.

Your pension pot is solid for your age but not overwhelming. Will you be aiming to pay for uni for three kids, travel for yourself & spouse, etc? It's easy to say now that you don't want a luxury lifestyle later on, but you might.

I'd rather suck it up and stockpile money in my 30s-40s to have lots of options in my 50s-60s, than be scrambling to fill shortfalls and stuck working hard at later ages. One's energy and ability to focus does decline in my experience, no matter how much one resists it.

Can you negotiate for an assistant at your firm, or anything like that to ease the pressure?

Does it have to be all or nothing?

Sounds like you could also consider moving to a cheaper part of London / a bit further out to release part of your equity, consider freelancing or going part time / condensed hours if possible in your type of role? That could be a stepping stone for a complete change or you might find that’s enough of a change to make a real difference to your life.

life is definitely too short to be stuck in any sort of rat race if you can help it, though!

I suppose you'd need to do the sums. If mortgage repayments were taken out of the equation, would that really be enough to sustain life with 3 kids and building a pension pot if you both drastically cut your salaries? DH and I have a relatively small mortgage compared to our income but even if it didn't exist, I can't see us being able to both stop working full time. We'd need to sacrifice a lot, especially if we want to retire comfortably.

I think by all means move for the bigger, mortgage-free house, but you may have to factor your working life being quite similar. At least you could build up your pension and retire sooner though.

@BettyBardMacDonald

'I think you need to take the long view. Kids will be school age before you know it and rural life isn't that stimulating for many families'

Who said anything about rural life?

The OP has not said she wants to move to a small village in the middle of nowhere or a remote island....

Plus believe or not there is also a cultural life and various activities to take part in outside the capital.

The OP could move to a small or medium-sized town and still enjoy a better lifestyle.

I think that's a great strategy, but I find the 'bored' comment rather interesting. Not being senior doesn't make a job boring. And pressure means different things to different people.

Personally I don't find responsibility, team leadership and the constant intellectual challenge of my profession stressful, unlike many others.
I do however find 'senior management' not only stressful, but boring due to the showboating, office politics, sitting in meetings all day, lack of cohesive action.

It surprised me, because I went to a prestigious university and was very ambitious, like most of my peers. But that was before I'd actually had any work experience! However, some people enjoy it.

Long-term, looking at other people in my profession many have gone on to establish niche areas of expertise, getting paid handsomely as consultants. That's the dream!

In OP's case, she probably does need to consider money a bit more with a lower earning husband. It's much easier with two higher earners. But it doesn't have to be the classic 'corporate ladder' path.

yes - just to be clear, I don’t want to live rurally, just somewhere cheaper than London - ideally where we could get a 4-5 bed detached or semi detached for £500k
or less.

Interesting re stockpiling money in 30s/40s - that was my previous plan but these are also the years when my children are growing up - so I’d started to wonder whether that really is the right strategy or whether I’d regret it.

On pension - even if I made no further contributions after today (which would not be the case) with compounding over the next 25-30 years my understanding was that I’d have a “comfortable” but not luxury income in retirement.

To the pps who have suggested I move further out - unless my new role had dramatically different in-office expectations I wouldn’t want to add a long commute into the mix as am time poor as it is. I had thought the trend was more office attendance but maybe the answer is just finding the right role.

Yes! I miss London but that is soon fixed by a quick child free visit to see friends and then I'm desperate to get back home at the end of the weekend.
It is obviously possible. It's a very, very different way of life (we are in a very rural location- not the Home Counties) but I love it.
Money wise we earn less than previously (I'm on about half the amount as I'm now in a lower paid job) but DH works for a London firm working remotely and travels down for team meetings. Travel costs for him are high, but things that are better are:

• nicer house
• nicer area
• countryside
• better schools
• nicer neighbours (kids have been in and out of neighbours all weekend)
• smaller mortgage
• overall less stress and better standard of living

Things that are worse:

• less choice re culture and restaurants (but a fab major city is 30 mins away)
• kids are v sheltered (which could be good but also it's not real life)
• I miss deliveroo!

@Braindeer my DH would have had a similar life to yours when the kids were small. However, we moved to the middle east for a few years which meant that we actually had more family time without any detriment to his career .......

All domestic chores were outsourced as much as possible as help was cheap...... worth considering

Well, yes, of course.

But mortgage is usually a big expense for families.

With no mortgage, bills could potentially be covered by one salary, with the other used for the other things I mentioned.

It's hypothetical, there are no actual figures known, so it is just a possibility I was putting out there.

@Braindeer with £350k in pensions at age 37, you will be better than you think.

Remember you would have no mortgage, and you'd have £24k state pension between you and your husband. Then not only would you have whatever your £350k pot has grown to (plus whatever your husband has), but you wouldn't be contributing nothing for the rest of your working life. Less, yes, but not nothing.

You are in a very good position with lots of options.

Think about what you want to do with your life, how you want to live it, then speak to a financial adviser about how best to make it happen.

For many people, they don't have the money to live how they want, whichever way they cut it. You are very well placed.

I gave up the rat race for a life in the countryside. Best thing ever for us - we can afford a much nicer house for less stress and it's a much more relaxed pace of life.

However, I still have to work in the same industry, just now in a different city, and i don't enjoy my job.

Some great advice on here, it depends on what your priorities are. For me, it was having a nice spacious house in which i look forward to coming home to, and feeling safe at night. Hobbies for kids aren't right on the doorstep, so have to travel more, but can find them. Also have to use a car more but I don't mind that. Biggest downside is lack of good takeaway places nearby!

I’d think about going in house. Much better work life balance (no external clients, so no stuff landing at 5pm on Friday for a 9:15am Monday reply), decent wages, could go part time and keeps your hand in. Possible serious money at Group Counsel level if you wanted to later. Could be in a big city somewhere cheaper than London.

Key things for me would be:

1. You'll still Be surprised at what £500k can't be so thing realistically about your locations. You could potentially afford a small mortgage though to supplement your equity.

1. Your pension pot is healthy for your age, you need to combine that maths with your dh pension plans too

1. Don't forget you can take 25% tax free draw

Down on pension at 57 which can pay off any outstanding mortgage so you can keep repayments low

1. Work, I don't know your sector detail but also think in house work would be more feasible for hours and lifestyle, flexible working and hybrid WFH

1. Where is your support network? 3 kids will be tricky between nursery's/ pre school/ primary school so plan out what a daily routine needs to look like. You probs need both parents around to do different drops and picks

1. Do you have a location in minds?

1. It doesn't have to be forever. You can make this choice now because it's right for now and change it in 10 yrs if that's also the right thing at the time.

Could you eventually be self-employed in your role? If so I would be tempted to sell up, buy a house mortgage free and both of you just get jobs to make ends meet for a while. In the meantime I would be planning my own business.

You need to work out what really matters to you. Clearly, you want to be more available for your kids. How important is culture and city buzz for you? Would you be leaving friends behind? Is your current job important to you beyond the money?

Obviously leaving London comes with sacrifices beyond access to the highly paid career. It is one of the world’s great cities and it’s important not to underestimate how the provincial parts of the UK can be.

Having said that, I have done this. I am also a type A but was able to move sideways into a fully remote, part-time job. I don’t earn megabucks but enough and it’s a job I can channel some energy into. I also have enough headspace to use my type A-ness to organise family life/the house/garden/hobbies.

We bought a place outright in rural Suffolk and have a lovely, slow lifestyle. Norfolk and Suffolk are (just) commutable to London but relatively cheap.

Couple of things to remember about pensions

1. Yes you will benefit from investment growth, but there will also be inflation. If you were taking that today, it would be £14k per year at 4%, but that'salso without taking the tax free cash.
2. Don't rely on the state pension. In that time, the age could go up again, or it could become means tested.

Not saying don't do it, just plan carefully.

You do realise that there are other cities in the UK?