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Original poster

Financial gift - asked to return it following recipient's death

127 replies

GiftQuery · 10/05/2024 04:34

Not sure where to post and please be kind as it involves my mum's estate.

We recently lost our mum and she had had a companion of many years, they had been partners however never lived together or had had any financial involvement. Her partner is a multimillionaire if this is relevant.

My mum's partner had been seriously ill and she had literally saved his life twice within a year. Obviously he was eternally grateful for this and as a result decided he would pay off the remaining £10,000 capital of her interest only mortgage.

He has contacted the executor of the will to say he would like this money returning to him as well as a lesser amount of £500 for an item he claims he purchased for her property.

I am inclined to say, just give him it, and cut ties with him - he is not a pleasant man. He has been leaning on us constantly for various things very few of them involving missing mum, since our mum's death, causing us much stress and upset. They lived several hundred miles away from us and we have very little relationship with him (his choice).

My sibling, however, would like to ask him for evidence that this was ever a loan and as he will not be able to provide this as it was not a loan, then we say bad luck you're not having it.

I am very non-confrontational, however I can see his point .

I just wondered if anyone knew where we stood legally with this.

Thank you for any advice - as you can probably imagine it's a very emotional time and my main feeling at the moment is incredulity that he is even mentioning this merely weeks after we lost our beloved mum.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 10/05/2024 04:38

Ignore him. He’s a parasite. If keeps coming back, tell him that there is no evidence of any loan and that he had plenty of opportunities to discuss this prior to probate.

Billybagpuss · 10/05/2024 04:41

Do you have solicitors acting as executors or are you dealing with it yourself?

if it’s solicitors tell them as far as you are concerned it was a gift to your mum and as such belongs to the estate unless he can prove otherwise. If it is you acting as executors you have to deal with him personally and whilst the same argument applies it might be easier to just get rid.

as for the gift can you not just give him the item? Especially as unless it’s a bag of gold coins it won’t maintain its value.

Shelinaa · 10/05/2024 04:42

Your Siblings are right. If it was a loan - of course, sort it out. That should be easy for him to evidence.

But if he gave it to your mum it’s not his to have back.

Would your mum want him to bully you after she died?

Original poster
GiftQuery · 10/05/2024 04:45

@Billybagpuss a close relative is the executor and called to let me know of his demands.

The other gift is actually a mains powered storage heater that is fitted in our mum's property. Completely ridiculous that he would want the money for this several years after it was purchased!? There are two parts to this I guess he can probably evidence that he purchased it. I don't think we will ever be able to evidence that she returned him the money but maybe we can. I am so stunned that he has mentioned such a small amount as is the executor.

OP posts:
Original poster
GiftQuery · 10/05/2024 04:46

@Fraaahnces he is most definitely that. He is the epitome of the phrase money cannot buy you happiness!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/05/2024 04:48

He wanted to play Billy Big Balls and give things. Now he wants bereaved family members to give it back. No. They were gifts.

Original poster
GiftQuery · 10/05/2024 04:48

@Shelinaa she would be absolutely devastated and mortified about his behaviour.

In a moment of self pity I overheard him mentioning his gift to her in terms of...after everything I've done for you...! And her response to my relief was "I saved your fucking life" go mum!

The irony is my mum had 20 times the amount in her investments but decided to accept the gift to retain her investments.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 10/05/2024 05:13

No way would I bend over here. I’d say is this an exchange? So we get one life, albeit a miserable old scrooge but definitely still kicking? Weird but ok, I guess we will return your unconditional gift on receipt of the life.

WhySoManySocks · 10/05/2024 05:17

Keep it. What an arse.

thebestinterest · 10/05/2024 05:18

Op, so sorry for your loss.

That man is a disgusting human being. Can you imagine the audacity? Some people!

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 10/05/2024 05:31

Given it sounds like they were gifts and he's a dickhead and he doesn't need it Id be telling him to come back when he's got proof that both/either of these things were loans.

crumbpet · 10/05/2024 05:34

Unless there is formal paperwork saying these are loans then he has no chance.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 10/05/2024 05:36

The only thing I’d be inclined to do is take out the heater and dump it on his drive, if he’s so keen to have gifts returned. He really is a prize wanker.

Beautiful3 · 10/05/2024 07:35

No I wouldn't just give it back! It was a gift. He now has to prove that it was a loan. Leave him to stew and scheme in his bad energy of lies. He is very silly as I'm sure it's now helped cut ties with you all.

FindingMeno · 10/05/2024 07:39

I would make it a point of principle that he doesn't see a penny.
So sorry for the loss of your mum and now having to deal with this worm.

GameOfJones · 10/05/2024 07:40

I would be non confrontational about it but just say "we have received your request. As advised by our solicitor, please could you provide the evidence that these were loans rather than gifts?" He won't be able to, the horrid man.

Changingplace · 10/05/2024 07:41

GameOfJones · 10/05/2024 07:40

I would be non confrontational about it but just say "we have received your request. As advised by our solicitor, please could you provide the evidence that these were loans rather than gifts?" He won't be able to, the horrid man.

I agree, word it like this, what a horrible human being he is.

Deniseo · 10/05/2024 07:41

I’d play naive and ask him quite neutrally to please provide the signed paperwork that says this was a loan as you can’t seem to locate it?

Tripeandonions · 10/05/2024 07:42

Deniseo · 10/05/2024 07:41

I’d play naive and ask him quite neutrally to please provide the signed paperwork that says this was a loan as you can’t seem to locate it?

This ^

HyggeTygge · 10/05/2024 07:42

Ignore him (or perhaps return the heater) but definitely don't even consider rewarding this behaviour by giving him £10k! He's just trying it on.

HyggeTygge · 10/05/2024 07:44

Don't even ask for paperwork, just grey rock. "We are working through mum's finances and any outstanding loans will be dealt with".

Azerothi · 10/05/2024 07:44

No advice but he wins the cheeky fucker award of 2024.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 10/05/2024 07:46

GameOfJones · 10/05/2024 07:40

I would be non confrontational about it but just say "we have received your request. As advised by our solicitor, please could you provide the evidence that these were loans rather than gifts?" He won't be able to, the horrid man.

This^

AdoraBell · 10/05/2024 07:51

A gift is a gift. If there’s not a written agreement to pay back, signed by your late mum, to repay the money then it’s a gift.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Anameisaname · 10/05/2024 07:55

HyggeTygge · 10/05/2024 07:44

Don't even ask for paperwork, just grey rock. "We are working through mum's finances and any outstanding loans will be dealt with".

This is excellent advice. Because if it was a loan then you dear mum will have a copy of the loan agreement in her personal documents.
Although it's very tempting to throw the storage heater back at him, probably I wouldn't because effectively that legitimises his requests ie things he bought or money he gave, he can have back. And he can't