Financial gift - asked to return it following recipient's death

[GiftQuery]

Not sure where to post and please be kind as it involves my mum's estate.

We recently lost our mum and she had had a companion of many years, they had been partners however never lived together or had had any financial involvement. Her partner is a multimillionaire if this is relevant.

My mum's partner had been seriously ill and she had literally saved his life twice within a year. Obviously he was eternally grateful for this and as a result decided he would pay off the remaining £10,000 capital of her interest only mortgage.

He has contacted the executor of the will to say he would like this money returning to him as well as a lesser amount of £500 for an item he claims he purchased for her property.

I am inclined to say, just give him it, and cut ties with him - he is not a pleasant man. He has been leaning on us constantly for various things very few of them involving missing mum, since our mum's death, causing us much stress and upset. They lived several hundred miles away from us and we have very little relationship with him (his choice).

My sibling, however, would like to ask him for evidence that this was ever a loan and as he will not be able to provide this as it was not a loan, then we say bad luck you're not having it.

I am very non-confrontational, however I can see his point .

I just wondered if anyone knew where we stood legally with this.

Thank you for any advice - as you can probably imagine it's a very emotional time and my main feeling at the moment is incredulity that he is even mentioning this merely weeks after we lost our beloved mum.

Ask for the signed loan paperwork for each request to be sent to the executor by x date. Really formally written letter with no emotion. He won't have any of course.

Another vote for this, along with 'it was our understanding that it was a gift'

I would give the £10k back because I wouldn't want to benefit, even indirectly, from such a horrible person's money. But I guess you could give it to charity or something.

loans have paperwork. If it was a loan, he will have paperwork. Simple. If he hasn’t, he can fuck right off. What a bastard.

Just make sure you request the paperwork in as formal and unemotional way as possible. He wants to cause you emotional pain so don’t let him feel that he is succeeding.
sorry for your loss.

Internally I would tell him to go fuck himself.

In reality I would ignore him or alternatively just let him know that once all the signed loan agreements have been dealt with those who are owed anything will be contacted.

Your Dm had over £200k in investments yet took £10k from him as she didn't want to use the investments to clear her mortgage??
that in itself is odd

I would go with @HyggeTygge response

I'd just say the heater will be down disconnected and waiting for him to collect if he advises on a collection date from the following list.....
Please supply the Loan agreement for £......

The storage heater should be seen as a gift too unless there was a loan agreement for it

We don't really get it other than at the time she apparently said well it keeps all money invested for you (ie her children). When he threw it in her face the one time she was about to repay it on principle but sadly died quickly from a life limiting illness.

Has your mum left this man anything in her will? Is he doing this because he is getting nothing (despite his own wealth) and is upset by this? I would tread warily and ask for the loan documents as advised because he may decide to play dirty and cause issues. If he is a rich as you say, he may be prepared to follow through his demands.

Thank you all so much for this. It has strengthened my belief that we should push back and ask for evidence.

I'm going to ask my uncle the executor to deal with it however if he is uncomfortable I am happy to!

This. Channel you inner “bank auto-generated letter”

It's not a personal choice what to give or not give from an estate.

The executor's job is to manage the estate according to the instructions given in a will if available, which includes paying outstanding debts. If there is no will then there are specific rules around how it would be discharged.

If there is an outstanding debt that can be evidenced, then as stated above it will be paid in due course.

If there is no evidence of a debt due, then nothing will be given.

Much as it would be tempting to tell him to piss off, I think grey rock is the best way here. He’ll get what is entitled to after the estate is settled, and if he cannot provide any paperwork concerning a loan, then that is zilch. I am sorry for the loss of your mum.

I'd get legal advice - definitely don't deal with this by yourself. If he can claim he paid towards the mortgage, could that potentially give him a claim on a share of the house value? I'd want this nailed down by a solicitor tbh.

If you give in to this he will come back for more .

No. If you do, he'll keep coming back for more.
This feels like a test the waters kind of thing.
If he has a legitimate claim then let him go to the trouble and expense of pursuing it.

An executor can’t just decide it needs to be done properly.
So if there is no loan agreement then no, he doesn’t get it back. The executor would be breaking the law .

No proof, no conversation. I wouldn't entertain this unless there is proof it's a loan and block contact.

Exactly. Unless there’s proof, the loan doesn’t exist - imagine what HMRC would say if a executor said they didn’t need to pay inheritance tax because a random £xxx in the deceased’s bank account was a loan and didn’t belong to the deceased, but there was no proof..???

Agree with the above approaches re asking for documentation that it was a loan and keeping all emotion out of letters etc.

Also to me it sounds like your mum accepted the £10k he insisted on paying as she felt she was “owed” it by him. Not in a grabby way but in a she’s done a lot for him and maybe he hasn’t shown much gratitude to her and when he offered to repay the £10k mortgage she took that as being her “thanks”. It certainly sounds like they had a troublesome relationship given what you overheard her saying and his current attitude. That would be the only thing holding me back from just handing over the £10k to be clear of him.

Solicitor here. Yes to all the above. If the money was a loan he has to prove it. If there was an agreement that he would retain ownership of the heater or your mum would repay him he has to prove it. Legally the executor can't return anything to him otherwise so it's out of your hands.

You don't even have a relationship to preserve "for the sake of £10k" so he can whistle for it.