Financial gift - asked to return it following recipient's death

[GiftQuery]

Not sure where to post and please be kind as it involves my mum's estate.

We recently lost our mum and she had had a companion of many years, they had been partners however never lived together or had had any financial involvement. Her partner is a multimillionaire if this is relevant.

My mum's partner had been seriously ill and she had literally saved his life twice within a year. Obviously he was eternally grateful for this and as a result decided he would pay off the remaining £10,000 capital of her interest only mortgage.

He has contacted the executor of the will to say he would like this money returning to him as well as a lesser amount of £500 for an item he claims he purchased for her property.

I am inclined to say, just give him it, and cut ties with him - he is not a pleasant man. He has been leaning on us constantly for various things very few of them involving missing mum, since our mum's death, causing us much stress and upset. They lived several hundred miles away from us and we have very little relationship with him (his choice).

My sibling, however, would like to ask him for evidence that this was ever a loan and as he will not be able to provide this as it was not a loan, then we say bad luck you're not having it.

I am very non-confrontational, however I can see his point .

I just wondered if anyone knew where we stood legally with this.

Thank you for any advice - as you can probably imagine it's a very emotional time and my main feeling at the moment is incredulity that he is even mentioning this merely weeks after we lost our beloved mum.

I’m sorry for your loss.

There is no decision here, it’s just a process to follow. This wasn’t a loan, there is nothing to repay, that’s all there is to it.

It’s possible that it kept her money in eg a tax wrapper or a long term bond that would have had a penalty for withdrawal.

Agree with others - the executor has a duty to pay documented debts eg returning any overpaid pension and distributing other monies to beneficiaries in line with the will.

Sorry you're going through this @GiftQuery , I can't imagine being a multimillionaire but badgering grieving people for £1000s

A multi millionaire and he is asking for £10,500 back? Just tell the miserable grasping sod to do one.

As far as I know, the executor is only obliged to pay money out where there is documentary evidence of a debt.

If you have a solicitor dealing with it, definitely go through them.

I'm doing an estate for a relative right now as an executor, with a solicitor. I very very much doubt that a solicitor would agree for this money to leave your mum's estate without any documentation.

It is relevant that he is a multimillionaire I think. I think it might be a reasonable gesture to give him half of it if he was homeless as a result of your mum's passing, or he was struggling to afford food. But this just isn't the case. He could wipe his arse with that money or set fire to it and he wouldn't even notice. And it was a gift. What a horrible prick.

An executor is a person who is legally responsible for carrying out the instructions in the person's will and handling their estate.

• Paying any bills, debts, taxes, and Inheritance Tax owed by the estate.
• Applying for Probate
• Valuing and distributing the estate according to the will.

They are not able to just give money to a random. Request a copy of the loan agreement.

Job done

This. If your Mum never signed anything he won't be able to produce anything.

There is no grey area here, if he can supply paperwork showing it was a loan, then he must have the £10,000, if he cannot, he cannot have anything.

Again with the storage heater, if he can prove it is his, fine, either pay him or give him the heater - but if he can't prove ownership tough titmouse.

Another vote for letter of proof on both

It might actually be handy for you if he puts in writing that he loaned your mum some money as it might stop him then being able to claim a share of her house. Although I guess he'd have to prove that he a)gave money to your mum at all and b) that she paid the mortgage with it.
Honestly though, I really would let a solicitor deal with it because they know things that we don't.

I see it from a totally different point I would give back the money he put into the house not the heater bit because I feel that actually nice person or not that was a decent thing he did so maybe it stopped your mum worrying. We had a similar and it was always known in the family the relative would get back there 15 givene years ago on sale of house and they did no paper work wanted we knew it had been put into house and were glad to give it back. That way no bad feeling and it cleared the situation quickly. Solicitor bill can add up quicker lol

We haven’t come across your loan agreement yet but we’ll be sure to let you know when we find that paperwork.

I'd pay him back. I think it would be grabby to keep it. Even if it was a gift it was a gift for your mother so it would feel wrong to benefit from it. I guess it depends how much the money means to you. Everything else is irrelevant. He doesn't sound nice but he was generous to give or loan your Mum the money.

With the mains powered storage heater what about suggesting he removes it himself. I'd be more inclined to ignore that request.

If she is paying inheritance tax then it might be better for it to be counted as a loan.

Don’t give in to him. When he asks for id just say Solicitors are sorting it and you don’t know what’s happening and just go all vague. And as others have said perhaps ask for evidence of it being a loan and say the solicitors are asking for it.

Nothing new to add but I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having to deal with such an awful man.

Going against the grain, on an estate of £200k+, I'd probably just give him the £10k, and consider it a small price to pay to have such an odious man out of my life for good with no need for further contact.

Yes, it's galling for him to get it (but he is just asking for what was once his own money back, so not making a net gain), but you also have to look at the cost (both financial and more importantly emotional) of fighting him. £10k to be able say "matter closed - never contact us again" with him having no reason to continue the conversation seems good value to me.

I'd give it to him too. Just for the peace of mind and of knowing I had the moral high ground. And as PP have said - it gets rid of him quickly.

This, and ask for the paperwork showing it was a loan, as you haven't been able to find any as yet.

The clue is in the word.

Gift.

The audacity of this man! Gross! I'm with your sibling on this one!

Ignore him completely. He has no legal standing to get either sum of money back.

He's not entitled to your time and attention on this. If he wants something that he's not entitled to, he has to make that happen. It's not on you, for even one email's worth of time, to prove that he doesn't or ask for proof that he's entitled.

Honestly, ignore him. Nothing bad will happen to you if you do, if you can drown out the noise of a man ranting and raving.

This, unemotional robot text. If he goes off another cold robot text is needed: please provide executors with signed loan documents.
Absent legally robust evidence of loan it would be illegal for the executors to just decide to pay him.

i do not understand the take the moral high ground and pay him people. Capitulating to bullies is not any kind of moral high ground.

The OP doesn't seem to have any doubts that he either gave or lent the money. It sounds like it was fairly recently. I can't see why anyone would think it's ok to keep the money. It's really grabby of them. It's irrelevant if he was nice or not. The right thing to do is for the OP not to profit from the man's generosity. She doesn't even like him. It would be sneaky and greedy.