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CF allotment thief thread no 4 - Babs’s dodgy solicitor and TV producers looking to cast for the role of Penfold?

990 replies

YaMuvva · 09/05/2024 15:24

New thread! Last one was here
www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5049200-cf-allotment-thief-part-3-the-plot-thickens-and-auditions-begin-for-the-west-end-musical?page=38&reply=135136744

So a quick update.

DH dropped me off for my surgery this morning then dropped the kids at school before heading to the allotment. Babs was there gardening as were some other people on their own plots. All her crap was still there

DH went up and reminded her that she needs to be off the plot by the 20th. She said that she is awaiting advice from her solicitor to see if she can challenge us. She also said if the solicitor says she has to be off, she will be gone by the 20th but isn’t giving it up without checking if she has rights first. She did a fair bit of guilt tripping to DH about how she has spent 10 years being part of a community and having a hobby and she now has to give it all up but he held strong and told her, unless she comes back with a legitimate legal claim her property will be off the allotment by the 21st - wether it’s removed by her or by him.

However - enter Penfold stage right

Penfold is what we are calling the allotment neighbour who marched over from the other side of the plots (because that’s who he looks like). He started shouting at DH saying “You’re a bully! Fancy picking on an old lady and taking her allotment off her after all her years of hard work”. He pointed out it’s his allotment now and Penfold said that “just because your name is on a piece of paper it doesn’t give you the right to steal it off it’s rightful owner”. He then start saying “What do you know about gardening pretty boy? These allotments should be for real gardeners not pretty boys like you”

When DH told me this I laughed so hard I thought my stitches may burst 😂 DH IS very pretty but he’s also mid-40’s and hasn’t been called pretty in many many years. We are in semi-rural Yorkshire though and a man wearing a top that isn’t either blue black or white is considered a feminine.

When DH stated he does actually know about gardening, Penfold was all “Yeah right yeah right all you know about is putting your make up on” 🤣🤣 and said how these allotment owners have been around for decades he can’t just barge in and kick people out. DH said he was half expecting Penfold to say “this is a local allotment for local people”.

Then it was BABS of all people who told Penfold to STFU. Not quite those words but she said “oh do calm down Nigel”. The other plot owners just kept their heads down apparently. DH took off in the end but he is considering buying a Danger Mouse t-shirt to wear when he gardens. I’ve told him I can help him apply his make up 😂.

Anyway Babs’s words don’t exactly fill me with confidence but it’s better than flat out refusing to leave I suppose. I’m absolutely confident that legally she hasn’t a leg to stand on, but that doesn’t mean some dodgy solicitor won’t claim otherwise for a bit of easy money off her. Either way unless there is a claim that has legs (highly unlikely) DH will be round on the 21st to set up his stuff. PP were right about insane allotment owners - but we are just gonna have to lump it and not let Penfold ruin our time there.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
17
DrJonesIpresume · 27/05/2024 19:38

MissMoan · 27/05/2024 00:33

You've got to love DM reporting:
''According to Enfield Council, who own the site, tenants are only allowed one small tool shed measuring up to 2.75cm in length and 2.10metres in width"

2.75cm? Surely that's not wide enough for a trowel? 😂

😂😂😂

WickedSerious · 27/05/2024 20:39

MargaretThursday · 27/05/2024 18:03

One local restaurant used to advertise children's meals for any child "under 1.5cm".

Did they get a free thimble of the soft drink of their choice?

YaMuvva · 27/05/2024 20:48

My Uni town had a Chinese buffet restaurant that said only people under 5ft could order a £2.99 children’s buffet (which is basically a smaller plate). They had a height chart at the door!
Sadly for them my flat mates were both 4’11”, I am 5’8” and had to pay £5.99 so we’d end up with a £4 each meal about 6 nights of the week, the owners used to seethe.

We weren’t so smug when it closes down for food health reasons.

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 27/05/2024 21:29

YaMuvva · 26/05/2024 16:36

Yes with the congealed pink lumpy cheese 🤮

I actually have flashbacks of a stew type dish that my Nanna used to make that had beetroot and I think cottage cheese or similar white gunk plopped on top. it was considered rude to reject food on her side of the family, I remember faking illness whenever she served it as the smell used to make me heave. I remember plopping it into a napkin one day and it seeped through and stained my jeans.

We need a Beetroot PTSD support group.

Edited

I'm in! For all the reasons you've said.

And braised red cabbage can do one as well.

steppemum · 27/05/2024 23:11

very good update OP - you are better and have the allotment back, but with a bit of spice wrt the garage neighbour.

I think the beetroot stew with white cottage cheese on top may have been borsch? Russian beetroot soup/stew which is served with sour cream?

A good borsch is actually delicious. I used to live in an ex soviet country and I have eaten many plates of borsch and many of them were not good! Good ones were few and far between.

YaMuvva · 28/05/2024 00:34

steppemum · 27/05/2024 23:11

very good update OP - you are better and have the allotment back, but with a bit of spice wrt the garage neighbour.

I think the beetroot stew with white cottage cheese on top may have been borsch? Russian beetroot soup/stew which is served with sour cream?

A good borsch is actually delicious. I used to live in an ex soviet country and I have eaten many plates of borsch and many of them were not good! Good ones were few and far between.

Borsch (borscht?), yes!!
ive googled it it seems to be a Russian/Eastern European dish wish makes sense for my nan. TBH I’d rather she’d have left it in eastern europe 🤮my Nan was not a good cook though. Sorry nan

OP posts:
allhailthebrain · 28/05/2024 00:35

Do you think we need to pen a better ending for the allotment saga - if Spielberg is going to take this film on? Add a bit of poetic licence - which also allows OP to come across marvellously in her allotment bikini...

Also, Richard Osman might be available to write the novel adaptation!

Latenightreader · 28/05/2024 07:33

MissMoan · 27/05/2024 00:33

You've got to love DM reporting:
''According to Enfield Council, who own the site, tenants are only allowed one small tool shed measuring up to 2.75cm in length and 2.10metres in width"

2.75cm? Surely that's not wide enough for a trowel? 😂

Was it designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson?

Latenightreader · 28/05/2024 07:37

CountingCrones · 27/05/2024 11:49

Our school headmistress ran off with the married vicar. It felt like living in a soap opera for a month.

Glad to amuse you, @Dogeatdog - I look forward to the new username

I knew someone whose mother left his bishop father for another vicar (I think it was that way round - it was many years ago). Caused quite a scandal at the time.

helibirdcomp · 28/05/2024 08:15

Callipygion · 27/05/2024 17:35

Do you not get chunks of beetroot in that cake? It says “roughly chopped” 😳

My roughly chopped was fairly small and mushed in when blitzed in the food processor

ColinRobinsonsFart · 28/05/2024 09:33

allhailthebrain · 28/05/2024 00:35

Do you think we need to pen a better ending for the allotment saga - if Spielberg is going to take this film on? Add a bit of poetic licence - which also allows OP to come across marvellously in her allotment bikini...

Also, Richard Osman might be available to write the novel adaptation!

I have an idea for an ending

The shed is a space ship in disguise and as OP and co stand there with fork and trowel in hand, the shedship lifts off a la ET/close encounters. The shedship had been sending subliminal messages to OP as it was at risk from Barb... Barb was from another planet and was keeping the shedship on the earth.

I have the music, lighting and a quick plan of the promo tour (the one show etc) in my head......

Let me know if this is a goer.... I think Spielberg will be interested

If not, my local comp will want it.... anything to get away from 'half a sixpence' as the yearly show.

WickedSerious · 28/05/2024 09:40

YaMuvva · 28/05/2024 00:34

Borsch (borscht?), yes!!
ive googled it it seems to be a Russian/Eastern European dish wish makes sense for my nan. TBH I’d rather she’d have left it in eastern europe 🤮my Nan was not a good cook though. Sorry nan

My grandmother's soup looked like something you'd find when you dismantled the pipework under the kitchen sink.

anyolddinosaur · 28/05/2024 10:24

Glad you are feeling better and I hope you got your expenses paid too.

Beware - Babs next step is to remove your shed claiming it in lieu of the old one. Butternut squash will take over your patch if you let it, put a few plants in and watch them grow. You can eat the flowers too if you want.

NovemberAutumn · 28/05/2024 10:55

Love borscht. I use a beef stock and have cubes of beef in it as well. Then top with a halved boiled egg, sour cream and fresh dill.

I grate the beetroot though. Under running water otherwise it looks like a massacre. I also use onions, grated carrots and occasionally garlic although I don't think that is 'traditional'.

I could never quite get to grips with the cold version of borscht though.

DeanElderberry · 28/05/2024 11:40

I had very nice garlicky bortsch in Poland - I think there are many different recipes, all claimed as THE real one. There was a bit of a spat at the the start of the current war with both Russia and Ukraine claiming it as their own national invention - I'm sure the Poles would have something to say to that too.

WearyAuldWumman · 28/05/2024 12:24

Latenightreader · 28/05/2024 07:33

Was it designed by Bloody Stupid Johnson?

Thank you for making me smile.

(TP for the win!)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2024 12:36

MrsScrubbingbrush · 26/05/2024 15:48

I'm with you @YaMuvva. My late mum used to add it to salads, along with grated cheese so you just ended up with a glutinous mess of pink cheese. Haven't been able to eat the stuff since then and that was about 50 years ago.

I like adding grated fresh beetroot to home made coleslaw - I use red cabbage and end up with pink mayo, from the beetroot juice - and it tastes delicious.

Roasted beetroot is nice too.

@YaMuvva - I hope your recovery is going well, and that Sister-Of-Garage-Thief is not causing you too much hassle. Who will play her in the movie? Sarah Lancashire does stroppy characters well, imo.

@Latenightreader - love the Pratchett reference!

Newestname002 · 28/05/2024 12:41

@CharlotteStreetW1

And braised red cabbage can do one as well.

I love braised red cabbage - on the extremely rare occasions I can be bothered to make it. I don't buy the stuff in the shops as they're too sweet and the cabbage is a bit flaccid for my liking. 🌹

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/05/2024 15:06

That sounds delicious - thank you, @londonmummy1966.

artant · 28/05/2024 15:31

Ooh, I make beetroot soup from time to time and have never thought of adding apple. That sounds good. When beets are young enough to be good raw they go very well as a salad with grated apple and pear (preferably with feta or griddled halloumi on top) so it’s a combination I can see working.

YaMuvva · 28/05/2024 17:40

OK, I pledge you all this - I will make beetroot soup when DH’s beetroot has grown.
If it’s revolting I’m falling out with you all 😂😂

OP posts:
BasilParsley · 28/05/2024 17:56

Re the alternative Oscar winning ending....

How about the scenarios where

a) @YaMuvva's DH digs a bit deeper than Babs ever did (in order to bury the evidence he had planted !shock! !horror! beetroot seeds which grew brilliantly in this wet weather) and finds an ancient hoard of gold under where her shed used to be

b) Strikes oil (unlikely in that part of the country I realise, but hey. Steve S won't let facts get in the way of a blockbuster science fiction film!).

I quite like the ancient hoard and the supernatural terrors it might unleash on Babs and she who wanted to reclaim the garage...

godmum56 · 28/05/2024 18:02

BasilParsley · 28/05/2024 17:56

Re the alternative Oscar winning ending....

How about the scenarios where

a) @YaMuvva's DH digs a bit deeper than Babs ever did (in order to bury the evidence he had planted !shock! !horror! beetroot seeds which grew brilliantly in this wet weather) and finds an ancient hoard of gold under where her shed used to be

b) Strikes oil (unlikely in that part of the country I realise, but hey. Steve S won't let facts get in the way of a blockbuster science fiction film!).

I quite like the ancient hoard and the supernatural terrors it might unleash on Babs and she who wanted to reclaim the garage...

oooo could we somehow fit in The Detectorists please? It was such a brilliant series

dapsnotplimsolls · 28/05/2024 18:07

When Babs gets back from her hols, she'll form an evil triumvirate with GTS and Penfold.