Fed up of people being completely incredulous that I can't drive

[Pleezoo]

First off, I can't drive and I'll never be able to drive because I have a seizure disorder. They're very infrequent but I still won't ever be allowed to drive. I'm 36 with two children. DH drives, I don't. We live in a city (not London) where most things can be found within walking or reasonable bus distance even though the public transport system isn't the best. And for what can't, and if DH can't drive me, I use taxis.

Yet people are absolutely INCREDULOUS that I don't drive. Utterly incredulous. How do I possibly manage, what about this, what about that etc.

In an ideal world I would like to be able to drive, it would undoubtedly make my life easier, but you know what, I manage perfectly well and I still have a life and I still go to places with my kids in tow. Sometimes I speak to people and say I've just got the bus to X or Y and they look at me as if I've announced I've just ridden there on the back of a dragon. Drives me mad.

Anyone else have this?!

I'm the same age as you and don't drive either. I've almost always lived in cities and never needed to learn, and tbh where I live now, right in the city centre, even if I passed my test I wouldn't be able to park anywhere because there's such a long waiting list for residents permits.

People get so used to the immediate convenience of driving, all they can think is how much agg it would be to have to get public transport everywhere/how expensive taxis are. And while waiting for buses that are often late is a pain, and having to get two or three trains just to travel 30 miles because the rail network is strange in my part of the UK isn't great, I'm used to it and it doesn't affect my life half as much as people dramatise it to be.

I'm 36 and don't drive. I have always lived in towns or a small city and never needed to. I have now lived in a village for ten years but public transport isn't too bad, 2 trains and 2 buses an hour. I get on just fine with taking my kids out on adventures (3 kids under 7). People always find it so weird that I don't drive and expect me to be needing lifts everywhere, which I don't. I'm perfectly happy finding my own way places. I may learn to drive in the future but I just don't have the money for it at the moment.

If it makes you so cross, just tell people the truth. “I can’t drive due to a medical condition, but I get around fine, thank you”.

If you have a medical condition that prevents you from driving then I've no idea why anyone is incredulous! That's madness.
If you didn't have a medical condition preventing you from getting a licence then yeah I'd be very shocked but you do....?

I can’t due to my autism and people always make comments

Yes, this happens to me too.
I’m mid 40s, very independent, never ask for lifts etc. I get everywhere I want or need to go by foot, bus, taxi or train. People expect me to be home at all times because they think I don’t go anywhere because I can’t drive! It’s baffling.
The thing that amuses me is when I go to an event or something and they say eg. ‘Sally couldn’t come because her car is in the garage for repair’, and I’m thinking ‘how do you think I got here?!’ I think because some people who do have cars feel stuck and overwhelmed about getting places if their car is not working, they can’t get their heads around life always being like that and not having a car. The same way as I can’t get my head around able bodied people who drive to the shops down the road from them!

I've only had a few comments.

I'm bothered more by those who suggest going places but can't grasp why I can't get there. I'm happy to meet people half way on this.

Yep, me too. I live fairly rurally now, but until recently lived in London and just never needed to. I am learning now, it is taking a while because I don’t have lots of spare time and the test waits are horrible (I just failed. Four month wait now).

I don’t mind too much. I take the bus, GP and nursery are walking distance, and I work from home. But people are absolutely astonished I walked everywhere on mat leave. I really did not mind! I always have walked or cycled everywhere. People round here get in their cars for something half a mile away, it’s bonkers. Even when I have my licence I’m going to carry on walking and using the bus because it’s better for me and the planet.

I hear you. I am dyspraxic and have no peripheral vision in my left eye. I can't drive and, honestly, should not drive either.

Do you find that these are also the same people who complain about terrible drivers on the roads?

Nearly 70 and have never driven, lived in London nearly all my life. I don't expect lifts and I organise getting myself to and from places quite happily. The ones who amuse me are the people who say 'But what if you move to a place where you'd need to drive?' - er, I wouldn't be moving to such a place in the first place, would I? because I don't drive.

I can't drive I did take lessons my spacial awareness is shocking due to a disability I have and yes people can overcome it but I couldn't. ANYWAY people used to offer me advice say their disabled neighbour drives to how did you manage with the children when their dad wasn't available. I've even had comments within
Earshot of non drivers wanting lifts, I never ask for lifts.

I get you op but just ignore them or say you manage fine.

Given that you have a medical condition then I don’t understand people being gobsmacked. Is it just until they find that bit out? Do they change tack then?

Yep. Technically I can drive, in the sense that I still have a licence (with my consultant's full knowledge), but I have severe vestibular migraine that makes me feel horribly weird/dizzy/drowsy/spaced out all the time, plus very probably dyspraxia on top. I made the decision to stop driving twenty years ago when the migraines went up about ten notches, because it made me feel so awful and I didn't feel safe, and haven't driven since. I just keep repeating 'I don't drive for medical reasons' if I get comments on it. Hate it though.

Where I grew up (London) there were tonnes of people with no medical condition preventing them from driving who nonetheless never learned to drive because they didn't feel the need to.

My own Mum didn't drive until she was in her 50s. And my Gran never learned full stop and she still lives a very independent live at 80 odd.

People also forget that it can happen in reverse - you can be able to drive, move to a place where you really can't get by without it, and then suddenly find you have a medical condition which requires you to surrender your licence.

Usually only in the sense that they give me the terribly sympathetic head tilt and say how difficult my life must be.

It's like these people don't realise they have legs.

I don't drive, never have. No medical reason, i just don't want to! I've always managed fine as I've lived in cities. I also walk most places which keeps me fit.

I don’t drive. I’m in my fifties and often get this. I’ve always lived in cities and have managed perfectly fine. I for sure see the value in it, but I’ve got better things to spend my money on. It’s a skill like anything else. If I walked around incredulous that someone doesn’t speak Chinese because billions of other people (including I) do then that would make me a fool. Just ignore them!

Oh yeah I always see "it's an essential life skill". Well it's not, because otherwise I'd be severely hampered without it, and I'm not.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and had to go to maternity triage unexpectedly the other day to be checked out for reduced movement. DH wasn't around. I got a taxi. Novel idea right?!

When you can't drive (for what ever reason) you plan your life around not driving.

If you have full access to a car, you plan your life including it... probably subconsciously. Therefore people who do drive just look at their lives and think... how can they manage?

They just need to use their imaginations really.

Oh yeah I always see "it's an essential life skill". Well it's not, because otherwise I'd be severely hampered without it, and I'm not

DF never learned to drive. However, he could berth a 20,000 ton oil tanker like nobody's business - which was much more an essential life skill, given his job.

And given the number of people who manage life without driving, clearly not that essential.

I see on here frequently "what if X,Y,Z happens and you need to get to X", to which my answer is invariably - taxi? I mean maybe if you live really rurally and you have to book a taxi 6 days in advance it's not possible, but I use Uber or Bolt and I don't think I've ever had to wait more than 5 minutes for one, including in the middle of the night.

I can drive but don't own a car because it's too expensive. I just walk everywhere or get the bus if it's too far/taxi if inconvenient. I do thinking driving is a useful skill especially if you have kids but it's not the most important.

That's the other thing. All the hassle that comes with owning a car.

I'm in the same position; I lost my license due to seizures few years ago.
I find that so many people just cannot put themselves in other people shoes. They can't imagine it, can't get their head around it and act incredulous that it can exist. I think its got worse since covid, everyone got so stuck in their own ways and can't see another way.
I always say I can't drive due to seizures, but it really washes over some people how much seizures have an impact on your life. I find some people will only start to get it after I've had a seizure on them.
I once met someone who couldn't fathom how I wasn't tempted to go off driving on private land or get a boat to drive that instead. It is hard to lose your license and lose that independence. But its a no brainer that you'd never take that risk because it can be a bit inconvienient.