Fed up of people being completely incredulous that I can't drive

[Pleezoo]

First off, I can't drive and I'll never be able to drive because I have a seizure disorder. They're very infrequent but I still won't ever be allowed to drive. I'm 36 with two children. DH drives, I don't. We live in a city (not London) where most things can be found within walking or reasonable bus distance even though the public transport system isn't the best. And for what can't, and if DH can't drive me, I use taxis.

Yet people are absolutely INCREDULOUS that I don't drive. Utterly incredulous. How do I possibly manage, what about this, what about that etc.

In an ideal world I would like to be able to drive, it would undoubtedly make my life easier, but you know what, I manage perfectly well and I still have a life and I still go to places with my kids in tow. Sometimes I speak to people and say I've just got the bus to X or Y and they look at me as if I've announced I've just ridden there on the back of a dragon. Drives me mad.

Anyone else have this?!

wrong thread

I'm nearly 40 and don't drive. Somehow I still manage to have a life(and job,and kid and friends and hobbies etc.) despite MN's conviction that it's impossible.

I can drive but don't!
I've never owned a car and never needed to.
I've always used public transport or walked.

Also with shopping delivery and anything else I need, I just don't need to!

I doubt anyone is "incredulous" at anything so mundane.

I don't drive ,I did have a few lessons in my teens and gave them up. I know I've got a poor attention span and would drift off into my own thoughts and not concentrate on the road properly. So in the interests of everyone's safety I don't do it. I've had a lot of people sneering about it over the years but I don't care what they think.

I have always lived in fairly rural areas, and when I was growing up (a teenager in the 80s) the “one bus every third Tuesday” was frustrating. So I’m always incredulous if someone doesn’t drive, HOWEVER if you don’t drive for medical reasons, then that’s entirely different

YANBU

I don't drive for medical reasons and so many people have thought this is their business

Public transport is better for the environment anyway

I'm 62 and don't drive either OP- I started learning again (have learnt twice before) a few years ago and then had all sorts of neuro problems post covid- I'm not 100% confident I would be that safe because I suddenly get migraines or burning eyes etc so I have kind of kicked it into touch-

I'm 53 and never driven. I've tried but was very nervous and then I developed a disability that means I probably won't ever be able to. If I did it would have to be a speciality car with hand controls (I can't feel my feet due to my nerves having died, so can't tell if my feet are where they should be.) Probably wouldn't even manage in an automatic.

I tend to get taxis if I need to go out alone (can't walk to the bus stop as I use a wheelchair) but that's what PIP is for and I get HR mobility. My dh does all the other driving like shopping and holidays.

There's been a big drop in young people driving because of the cost of learning and owning a car, so you are a trendsetter OP.
Neither of my DSs can drive, now in their mid twenties. When they were tiny we specifically chose to live in walking distance to school and with good public transport links, so they'd always have friends close by and be independent in teenage years.
It's called a "15 minute city" now I believe

Now, I’m 44 and I can drive, but I’m not a massive fan of driving. For most of my life I have lived in cities and therefore didn’t need to. I can totally understand how people get around without driving, and personally public transport would be my go to. I now live in an area where I do need to drive to get my kids to where they need to be, so am really pleased that I can drive, as would be massively inconvenient. What I find very surprising, is the number of teenagers round here who don’t know how to use public transport. My kids are still in primary school, but I have taught them how to use a time table and how to by a train or bus ticket.

I will never forget a comment my sister made when I was pregnant with my son I don’t drive and didn’t drive then because of financial reasons, she said I can’t believe you’re having a child and you don’t drive and can’t believe I will have to take my child on buses she still shoves the fact I don’t drive in my face to this day oh I don’t know how you can live like that having a car is oh so amazing and I’ve had it all my life off other people too makes me feel like crap like you aren’t a decent human being if you don’t drive (I’m 32)

Non-driver. Lots of reasons why I’ve never got around to it, many financial. It’s hilarious the things people say! Years ago I worked for an organisation who were completely mortified at the idea I’d rock up to business meetings on a bus or train - I got there on time every single time, unruffled and having read the relevant notes. My car driving colleagues, meanwhile, would be hot, sweaty and late messes having got stuck in traffic and having found nowhere to park.

I often get the vibe people think not driving is a moral failure of some kind. I’ve even heard a therapist colleague opine that non-drivers are inadequate and dependent characters.

The super fun experience is ‘passive-aggressive lift-giving’. Generally, I no longer accept regular lifts because at some stage - and in spite of being the person who offered - the lift giver will get very aggrieved and decide they are being hideously exploited.

From someone with children and dogs, and not driving simply because I think it would be waste of my time and money to learn and keep on driving... tell them to sod off.

Unless you want to live on the remote farm you don't need a car.
It brings as much opportunities as it brings responsibilities.
My DH wanted a car so he got one and in so many situations we stil call uber or take train. Before, we functioned well with DC and dogs without.

And I really love not being designated driver or going to god forsaken places you can only get to in a car 😏

I'm mid 40s and don't drive, I've just never felt the desire to learn. I do live in a big city though, it might be harder if I lived in a very remote area but I never would because I like city life. DH drives though, so I do have the benefits of a car when he's not working. To be honest I like walking places to get the bus/train it keeps me fit. Some people make cheeky comments but I just ignore them. I know a few people who don't drive, my age and older. One of my friends has a licence but doesn't want to drive.

And I'm never late for work ! Can also go anywhere I want, it just takes longer I suppose

To be honest you can take an awful lot of taxis too for what a car costs you a year- especially if you need credit for a decent car

I have found my people! I don’t drive, am 40 and have young kids and mostly get half-hidden shock or pity (or maybe I’m just self-conscious about it!).

if I’d had support, opportunity, finds at 20 to learn I would’ve but I didn’t and managed well until lockdown when I got pregnant. I did have lessons and enjoyed them but breaks in lessons and then test centre backlogs meant I wasn’t prepared properly for my test. I had more lessons after that but now can’t afford the money/time.

I like to think I’ll drive one day but do wonder if I will start to get a bit blurry-eyed & anxious as I get older and into Perimenopause. If that happens I’ll have to move back to the city.

I'm 67. Took test at 18, failed and didn't bother any more. I was brilliant at reversing but had no road sense whatsoever. Really glad I failed as I don't think I'd have seen 19.

Have always lived within 1/2 mile of a city centre so completely pointless having a car, and I infinitely prefer getting a train for longer trips.

I probably would have been OK driving up to the 70's, far, far fewer cars and not so bloody manic.
In fact the 1920's would be my ideal motoring time! 😁

People act like driving is essential. I have lived in a big city for 36 years and lived my life on public transport without issues. I have started driving now, only for the benefit of our family circumstances but I wouldn’t have bothered otherwise.

Another non driver here. Late 30s. People are shocked and ask how I take the kids places. We walk or catch the bus. I work within walking distance and so is the school.
I'd like to drive and I've had lessons but I just don't have the confidence on the road.

I'm also in the can drive but don't camp. I have a licence but haven't driven for about 10 years. I found it stressful and I just don't want to. I live in a city and have buses, bike and feet all at my disposal, plus taxis for the fiddly destinations.

Plus the best bit is I've always taken the DC on the bus with me and now they are teens they are confidently getting themselves around. Result!

Yup, over fifty here and don't drive. I tried to learn and hated it.
In fact in the last year I've only been on the train a couple of times and sat in a car once!
I live in a big town (also have 2 other towns in walking distance) so pretty much everything I need is covered. Besides which you can shop online for anything these days. I really enjoy walking as well, keeps me fit!

Surely you can understand though that not driving in a rural area is a very different bag to not driving in a city?

My 39 year old DH can't drive and probably never will. I drive the car, I drive him to work (sometimes the other end of the country) I pull the caravan on holiday.

I've been roasted on here about my husband not driving, some shit about real men drive! Unreal! Really nasty comments.

I real life, people are dumb founded. Especially for his work when they say "I'm his driver". They pull faces.

DH is dyspraxic and has very poor motor skills, is very clumsy and extremely poor reaction times and hazard perception.

I find myself having to explain and defend him. Ablism everywhere.

The macho bs about driving is particularly awful for men as they're expected to live cars and be able to drive them. Oh and I do all the DIY for the same reasons!