Fed up of people being completely incredulous that I can't drive

[Pleezoo]

First off, I can't drive and I'll never be able to drive because I have a seizure disorder. They're very infrequent but I still won't ever be allowed to drive. I'm 36 with two children. DH drives, I don't. We live in a city (not London) where most things can be found within walking or reasonable bus distance even though the public transport system isn't the best. And for what can't, and if DH can't drive me, I use taxis.

Yet people are absolutely INCREDULOUS that I don't drive. Utterly incredulous. How do I possibly manage, what about this, what about that etc.

In an ideal world I would like to be able to drive, it would undoubtedly make my life easier, but you know what, I manage perfectly well and I still have a life and I still go to places with my kids in tow. Sometimes I speak to people and say I've just got the bus to X or Y and they look at me as if I've announced I've just ridden there on the back of a dragon. Drives me mad.

Anyone else have this?!

So I’m always incredulous if someone doesn’t drive, HOWEVER if you don’t drive for medical reasons, then that’s entirely different

Whatever people's reasons for not driving, they are perfectly valid whether its medical reasons, lack of spatial ability, just don't want to or whatever.

My DH drives. I've had people on here say how unfair it is that he "has" to ferry me about, he must resent me etc etc.

I can only assume they have shitty marriages themselves that they're projecting!

The latest episode of the podcast The War on Cars was with author Anna Zivarts who has written a book called When Driving is Not an Option: Steering Away from Car Dependency
It's a really interesting episode about how many people are overlooked in urban planning because they can't drive for one reason or another. She herself has an issue with her eyes that means she can't drive, and her son has inherited the same condition. I'm a non-driver, but even I was surprised by her statistic that 30% of Americans do not drive.

I think drivers tend to assume that everyone drives, but it's really not the case. My 9 year old son's friends even had an argument in the playground because one of them wouldn't believe that we didn't have a car 😂

I wouldn't be shocked if I knew about your medical issues. I would be quite surprised if you didn't drive and there was no reason - it's a life skill.

There are plenty of life skills most people don't have. I daresay I have some that some drivers don't.

I never have but no one is incredulous that I can't. I have narcolepsy and also I think I would tend to not pay attention properly "Ooh a shoe sale" etc etc. Anyway, I live in London and there are plenty of buses and tubes. I will admit it would be nice to just drive anywhere and please myself where to go and when but oh well. The pain and price of parking would do me in!!

At least not an essential one this time.

I don't drive, 37 and no medical reason. Tried learning and after pouring huge amount of money, time and energy I was still terrible driver and a mess on the roads. I do find other parents can't get their head around not driving but I survive, I work locally and school pick up is a pain as I have to get to 2 schools that aren't local but we taxi/ bus/ scoot. Even if I wanted to try and take a crack at again (which I don't) I can't afford to

Hey sorry I know you posted a while ago but just wondering what is it about your asd that means you cant drive?

I amautistic and consider my self a not great driver (tho not dangerous) I also question if ds will ever drive.

How do you have the time to walk everywhere or wait for public transport?

I take kids to school then dash to work, finish work and then to whizz back to collect them in time, run them to a club, nip to shop, etc. Wouldn't be able to slowly walk everywhere with tired kids and all our bags.

I hate it when people say they 'don't drive'.
Why can't people just say they can't drive?

People may be able to drive but choose not to, and why not?

I only learned to drive in my fifties, when I moved from Melbourne, which is very well supplied with public transport, to a small town in Queensland, which had none. Now I am back in a large Victorian city, and would probably revert to public transport if the bus network here was any good, but it isn't.

I get your irritation, OP. People used to be the same to me, and tend to be astonished when I say I've only been driving a few years.

I can’t drive, I don’t care if people don’t like that, that’s their problem and it’s never stopped me getting around on public transport.

I am lucky to live somewhere with good public transport though, and even if I was going somewhere like out for dinner I wouldn’t drive anyway because I like to have a few drinks.

I've got to the age of almost 65 without driving, just because I don't want to. Yes, it limits my life in some ways, but I manage. I don't ask for lifts and manage to get myself around my small town (with no public transport). I walk everywhere, or get a taxi if I need to - which is not often. I agree, some people are incredulous, others not so much, but most can't imagine living like that.

What difference does it make to you? I can't drive, but only because I never learned, I'm sure I could if I rarely wanted to. I say I don't drive - and couldn't care less if anyone "hates" it. Some people actually can drive but don't - what would you like them to say?

I don't drive.

I can drive but stopped working during covid and got rid of the car.

I do have a mobility scooter now (yes I am disabled) and I can take it on the bus and tram - the train is a bit more difficult.

I'm between two different bus routes with a third a few mins away. the bus and train stations are next to each other and the tram route links them.

@planAplanB that’s because you plan your day around the fact by that you CAN drive. Someone who can’t plans it around that…it’s a simple thing to understand

It's because most of us have had a bad experiences with non-drivers who take the absolute piss or it's part of their weaponised incompetence or martyrdom that they "walk everywhere - even with heavy shopping bags along a cliff in the middle of the night, while it's raining!".

I am sorry that you are getting tarred with the same brush though!

Yes.

There are many reasons why people don’t drive, and all of them are valid. It could be due to medical reasons, cost, lack of confidence, anxiety, they have struggled to learn, don’t need to or just don’t want to.

Cars are dangerous machines. They can kill. Do those who are incredulous at people not driving really want to have people on the roads who are not confident driving, who may struggle with making quick decisions?

I find it mind blowing how some people can’t see things from a perspective other than their own. They find it easy to drive, have no issues running a car so can’t understand why others don’t drive.

People develop medical conditions meaning they can no longer drive all the time; driving is not something to be taken for granted.

It's hilarious really considering all the threads on here complaining of dangerous/reckless/unsuitable drivers and the outrage and demands that "these people shouldn't be on the roads!" , but at the same time you're only half a human if you don't drive.

My partner doesn't drive. It's no problem. I enjoy driving, so I do the driving. We both do things for each other.

My husband can’t drive, when I mentioned this on here once a poster said he was obviously lazy, had a low IQ and would never achieve anything in life. He was out earning me by quite a bit despite being younger than me, owned a property out right and is definitely more intelligent with me, that poster also moaned that her husband once expected her to drive on the motorway, so I had to assume she was lazy with a low IQ if she couldn’t drive on a motorway, apparently that was completely different.

And anyway I think driving is the lazy option, for me a day out requires essentially zero thought or planning as I can just get in the car and put the location on my phone, where as my husband will need to get the right metro, book the train in advance etc.

I think it’s because the ability to drive becomes such a fundamental part of the lives of people who do drive.

I passed my test at 17 but didn’t get a car straight away as I was living in London and didn’t need one. Then we moved to a few times to places with fairly good public transport. I was pretty much forced to get a car when I moved to my current house as public transport isn’t very reliable here. Now I have a car I wonder how I managed all those years without out, but you do if you don’t know any different.

What an odd question. You factor it in to your planning, same as you’d factor in potential heavy traffic or finding a parking space. In London and some other cities there are tubes or trams or buses every 5 mins or less, and it’s actually quicker than driving because you’d spend more time sat still in congestion than you do moving. I grew up in a midlands market town with a non-driving mum and we managed perfectly fine by walking and cycling or getting the train to other places. Granted you might struggle if you live in a one bus an hour type place but I imagine most non-drivers wouldn’t choose to move somewhere without good public transport.

I've just started learning to drive at 43. I have suffered anxiety and self esteem issues most of my life. Tried twice in the past and couldn't get past my issues. This time I feel I'm in a better place and may actually achieve it.

I def feel awkward not being able to drive though and live in a rural part of the UK too. Occiassionally need help with lifts for the kids (like dd going to the local cub camp), which makes it worse but its not often. Have managed fine other than that though, as walking distance to a train station/bus stop and basic services and schools are in walking distance. Neither of my parents drove either. So I never have/had any support to learn from them. Now got to workout how to afford a car and studying for my theory test does not look fun!