Fed up of people being completely incredulous that I can't drive

[Pleezoo]

First off, I can't drive and I'll never be able to drive because I have a seizure disorder. They're very infrequent but I still won't ever be allowed to drive. I'm 36 with two children. DH drives, I don't. We live in a city (not London) where most things can be found within walking or reasonable bus distance even though the public transport system isn't the best. And for what can't, and if DH can't drive me, I use taxis.

Yet people are absolutely INCREDULOUS that I don't drive. Utterly incredulous. How do I possibly manage, what about this, what about that etc.

In an ideal world I would like to be able to drive, it would undoubtedly make my life easier, but you know what, I manage perfectly well and I still have a life and I still go to places with my kids in tow. Sometimes I speak to people and say I've just got the bus to X or Y and they look at me as if I've announced I've just ridden there on the back of a dragon. Drives me mad.

Anyone else have this?!

I haven't had a seizure in a few years now thankfully but I'd certainly never want to take the risk and put others in danger. If I go 10 years without one I may be able to get a license at that point but not sure I would choose to either way.

Yes, people are ignorant, especially now I have 2 dcs. It's less unusual where we are in London but still gets a reaction. I've adapted my language and often avoid discussion of journeys at all, or just say that we don't have a car at the moment (implying we can drive and are used to having a car- I've never owned one!). Sometimes I'll say I don't drive rather than I can't drive (they assume I've passed my test and am choosing not to drive right now).

And then sometimes I'll stealth brag about living our central London life and mutter that it's too congested to drive in zone 1.

I took a tube train to hospital for all my appointments when I was pregnant and when I went to have my baby!

I don't drive and have always been independent even when I had small DC
I have Cerebral Palsy, and whilst many people with it can drive, a big problem for me is complete lack of spatial awareness, so I get comments like " My friend has CP and drives"
CP varies by individual, mine is moderate so I receive PIP which pays for taxis if I need them

I can't drive. I've failed four tests (in an automatic) and have come to the conclusion I'm not meant to be on the road. It doesn't bother me tbh and I have two young kids. My friends who do drive seem to spend half their lives either stuck in traffic or looking for parking.

I lost my licence due to seizures and live in a rural area without good public transport, so I normally understand it when people act shocked when I tell them I don't drive. It's still upsetting to have to go through the whole story of "I had a licence, then all this crap happened and they took it off me" every time though.

People should just mind their own business, but driving is one of those things that people like to feel really superior about.

I've got a friend who doesn't drive because she's never learned. Doesn't bother me. I've certainly never expressed horror over it. She's very fit as she walks long distances others would drive and she uses public transport for the rest. She lives near a bus stop and a train station.

It's no one else's business really. I do drive but I hate it. I'm terrified of driving on motorways so I stick to local journies, to the supermarket etc and I'm fine with that but people act like I'm a total baby. If i want to go further afield I take a train. In my opinion no one should be driving on a motorway unless they're totally confident, would they rather I risk it, panic and do something stupid?? It doesn't effect anyone else and I don't know why people struggle to understand it to be honest. Sometimes I wish I never learnt because it would be easier to just say "I don't drive"

I do really struggle to understand how a person gets by without driving. That is because I live in an area where you can either

drive 25 minutes
or
follow the transit instructions:
take a taxi 20 minutes
take bus 1
walk 1.2 miles
take bus 2
take a taxi 15 minutes

and we don’t really have many taxis or ride shares so the odds of getting one are close to zero. They mostly are reserved by the city for transport of the elderly and disabled to essential appointments since they obviously don’t provide adequate public transit to do the job.

I've never driven for medical reasons and always used cabs when I had less money - I got the same reaction as you.

I don't get the same reaction if I hire a car (just a regular decent car, not something that looks like you are heading to anywhere with a red carpet) and driver though, which is weird because it's just a taxi you got for the day without the stickers on the side.

If I'm just popping somewhere local I still just use a regular cab.

People are weird about driving. I think it's because a lot of people are really lazy and just can't imagine how they would deal with having to use public transport or walk more. This is why we are getting more sedentary and overweight as a nation. The amount of times I have seen people take 5 minutes to park their car in a ridiculously tight space really close to the entrance of a shop as opposed to parking further away and walking an additional two minutes is astonishing. People like this are of course horrified if someone can't drive at all.

I find that the only people being incredulous that someone can't drive tend to be on Mumsnet! 😂 Never actually met anyone in real life who thinks this way.

I've only met one person IRL who acted that way. But she was 18/19 and we were at university. (London. So even if I could drive I'd have manage without it)

@EnglishBluebell

Why would you be very shocked if someone without any medical couldn't drive?

I'm 57 and can't drive. I've never been able to afford, I get buses and taxis everywhere, never ask anyone for lifts. The only time I've asked was from my uncle's funeral to his wake. Got three buses to the crematorium, asked my dad for a lift from the crematorium to the hotel for DD and me, they were going, but it was still a No, so three buses back into town.

I have medical issues now, and I still can't afford to have any kind of lesson.

When the kids are gone I am thinking of getting rid of my car and we will go down to a one car family and I'll get a bicycle for local trips.

I think nowadays everyone thinks everyone should do a bit of everything and that includes driving, housework, bins, admin, no one is prepared to give a bit.

I see so many comments on here about not dating a man who couldn’t drive. I drive but learned when there were less cars on the road and you could drive to central London without hassle. I could drive everywhere, but now find motorways very stressful with the sheer amount cars. Driving in London is now a pain in the arse with cameras everywhere trying to catch you out.

I only got my first car at 35 and yes, people were incredulous that I didn't drive too. Like you, I lived in a big city and used public transport.
I will say, for me, it held me back from applying for certain roles. I now drive and am out and about at meetings. But in London you've got tonnes of roles to choose between anyway.

I'm self employed and WFH, have done for 10 years.

I would hate to be without a car; the hassle of public transport would cause me serious stress (the public transport where I live is dire at best).

That said, I wouldn't ever judge anyone for not driving. In fact, I'd be far more likely to offer lifts as I find driving quite relaxing 😂

Non-driver here. The only place I have encountered incredulity is on Mumsnet 😁I don't live in a city, either.

I’ve never understood why people find it so surprising that some people don’t drive. I didn’t learn until I was 35. I had young kids by then and some pretty long journeys, but it was fine. I suppose you don’t miss what you’ve never had.

I grew up in London so never needed to drive. And quite a few of my friends didn’t learn until they were older. Even when we moved out of London, I still got around OK. I suppose it depends where you live.

Having said that, I would miss not driving now.

Seeing as you have a medical condition, it’s more weird that others find it weird.

To follow on, one thing that does piss me off is the assumption where I work that everyone can drive. E.g. we had a mandatory training course on safety when driving (driving is not a part of the majority of roles). 'Do you ever exceed the speed limit when you're in a hurry?' (no) 'Are you absolutely sure?' (yes I fucking am) etc.

We had another mandatory personal development type exercise that was entirely built around the analogy of driving a car - all these questions that were just a 'no' for me because I don't drive, so the 'results' were a load of bollocks.

After a couple of driving lessons 25 years ago, I decided the world would be a lot safer if I walked or used public transport. After leaving home, I've only ever lived in cities.

Looking back, I think people might have queried it when I was younger, but when you say "trust me, it's a lot safer that I don't" they shut up.

The small city I live in has everything on our doorstep. On the whole we can walk everywhere (bus and trains are a 5 minute walk away).

I do drive but would never question ppl who don't. There tends to be a reason- either medical such as OP, or they've suffered a bad rta, or worse.

Find the same when ppl talk about their DC, my DDs don't drive, they live in a very big city with easy transport, one had a car and gave it up as it was sitting for weeks unused.
I live semi rural and drive as does my DS. Everyone has different needs.