Should I wake my lodger? Hasn't turned up for work

[Noodge]

My lodger works in a nursery and starts around 07:30.

Her boss has messaged me this morning to ask me to get her to get in touch as she hasn't turned up for work.

I actually heard lodger getting up this morning, but then I went back to sleep.

Is it my business? I'm inclined to think not but then, if she's accidentally slept in she might appreciate me waking her up? I've only just seen the message so she's already very late.

Boss knows who I am as we're both in the same social group.

WWYD?

I can assure you I don't live in a nice cosy vilage. I would have thought if you live in an anomymous city, all the more reason to demonstrate some basic humanity.

I said don’t knock, but it was nothing to do with “not my circus”.

It was because I thought the lodger might well be ill and need the sleep.

If I’d not gone to work it would be because I’d been ill and slept terribly and really needed the sleep. In this situation I wouldn’t appreciate being woken up by a knock on the door.

This is a far far more likely scenario than that she’s on the verge of death in her room and needs checking on to save her life.

If someone is ill and needs sleep, they will go right back. If someone is ill they may need an ambulance, especially if they are someone for who skipping work is unusual behaviour for them. I don't think OP says if it's unusual or not, but I'd think it sensible to just quickly check on someone who is behaving very out of character.

I wouldn’t go right back to sleep especially if I’m not feeling well, it’s probably taken me hours to get to sleep in the first place. But perhaps I’m unusual. I’d also say the chances of a healthy person (who has already been heard up that morning but has not called for help) being ill enough to need an ambulance are very small.

Anyway, I accept it’s a judgment call as to whether risk of waking them is worse than risk of them needing help. I really just wanted to point out that “not my circus” is not the only reason for not knocking.

For being late to work/oversleeping for 20 mins? Look, I get it, at uni my flatmates and I used to rely on each other to drag each other out of bed on time... But now I don't want my landlord to chivvy me out of bed or have that level of personal involvement in my life. They are not my mother or husband

I've genuinely been accused of lacking boundaries and being overly helpful, so I'm surprised there are people worse than me lol. I do get care and concern on a human level. However, If I'm 15-20mins late for work and my boss tracks down my landlord on Facebook, that's not really about basic humanity is it...

It certainly is a very odd situation.

Hmmmm, it's a bit odd all round:

Lodger had called in sick but nursery didn't get the message.
Apparently someone knocked on the front door but OP knows they did not (maybe wrong address)
Manager contacting OP when lodger is 20 minutes late and someone has apparently called round in that time.

It sounds a bit suspect from the manager and I'm inclined to think if lodger is already flaky she was hoping to catch her out by messaging OP. In which case, that isn't alright.

However. I work in HR and we absolutely do check if an employee doesn't turn up for work. We have a duty of care to check they're alright. Normally this would be calling them and leaving a message, emailing them, then move onto emergency contact, then going round and knocking on the door, then police welfare check. After 20 minutes of being late I'd likely only have been at the calling and leaving a voicemail stage.

It's a difficult call though. After having done all the above for a reasonably young employee and having to call the police only for them to find him dead in the house I can understand why the manager may have worried and contacted OP. But not after 20 minutes!

Clearly OP wasn't that busy as she managed to come back to this thread multiple times and update

But some stuff is time sensitive. I have all the time in the afternoon but mornings are rush rush rush.

Lodger should have called and spoke to someone in person

they are irresponsible to send a text and then not ensure messages is not received

unl you are in a coma, there’s no excuse

I genuinely don't believe anyone is so busy that they can't spare 30 seconds to walk across their own house and knock on a door.

No matter deadlines or meeting times or commute times, I'd drop everything for an emergency, but not for a non-emergency.

I'd be irritated if boss is just being either paranoid or sly, turning me into a nanny for someone slightly tardy. I guess fundamentally, unlike many posters, I don't believe 15-20 mins late = dying, dead, etc. Most people give it at least half an hour to a day before they start tracking down and messaging randoms on FB!

Mine can sleep for 16 hours on a day off, I know he is ok when I hear him cough, did check on him once when he slept for almost 2 days !

Well, quite. At first I was umming and aahing as to whether it was my place at all, even if she had failed to ring in, not really my business. But yes maybe I should have checked sooner once I got the responses on here. I still don't think I should've been contacted.

She's had a family situation yesterday (relative in hospital) and hasn't gone to work today either. But that didn't happen until after the original situation so wasn't why she didn't go to work that day.

You're probably right, I just think it's a bit odd to say it without saying that something similar happened.

My brother had meningitis too but luckily he survived, but I do understand how trauma can lead us to think of specific things, for me personally I jump to 'suicide' as my first panicked reaction due to a previous experience.

But I wouldn't have posted and said 'could be suicide' without explaining it's my own history that is making me think of that, because it's an odd conclusion to leap to, hence why loads of us questioned that poster, as they would have with me if I said 'could be suicide, you should check'.

I had a lodger (long time ago), usually I had students but this one worked as a teacher. Think : pre-cellphone ages! One morning véry early I was called (landline) by the principal of the school where my lodger worked. I did complain, after all I was not my adult lodger's carer and the call woke me and two small children. Yes, lodger was very late for the bustrip with his class to Paris, but still, none of my business. My husband called the principal and told him to not use our private number any more, ever!

No matter deadlines or meeting times or commute times, I'd drop everything for an emergency, but not for a non-emergency.

The thing is, in a situation like this, you don't know whether it's an emergency or not until you check.

I guess fundamentally, unlike many posters, I don't believe 15-20 mins late = dying, dead, etc. Most people give it at least half an hour to a day before they start tracking down and messaging randoms on FB!

No, I don't believe it necessarily means dying/dead either, but equally if I had an employee who was never late suddenly not turn up for work, I'd probably be reaching out to everyone possible to make sure they were okay.

Reaching out to everyone possible? Kindly, you really shouldn't, unless you 100% know they're close to that person (in this case it's clear that OP isn't that close to lodger) and wouldn't mind you contacting that person. It's all a bit much for 15-20 mins.

Your employee might be miffed you've caused them personal embarrassment in front of acquaintances or even intimate relations.

If they've totally gone MIA fair enough, but no, you don't go sniffing around their private personal contacts for a bit of lateness.

I'm really not the "not in my backyard/mind your own business" sort but I think there are times when it's just overboard. I've had a manager be very pushy and intrusive like that in my personal life too, ostensibly out of concern, and I didn't appreciate it.

What’s bangret?

The "my first thought was the lodger was eaten by your huge dog" post sincerely gave me a chuckle haha

The thing is, OP knows the boss and the boss knows OP is the landlord - it's not really the same as "sniffing around their private contacts".

My "contacting everyone" I didn't mean literally, but if I couldn't get hold of the employee and knew they lived with my friend Jane, I wouldn't think anything of ringing Jane and checking to see if everything was okay.

I appreciate that's not the "official MN way" but honestly I can't imagine not checking.

Haha my dog wouldn't ever eat lodger, she loves her!

Of the point made by @spritebottle about embarrassment, I skim-read it at first and thought it was that the manager may have been embarrassed (although the actual point is very valid) which made me think, yes, the manager is someone I am friendly with, and before lodger got this job she'd told me she'd encouraged her to apply for it (lodger didn't for quite a time despite having lost her previous, similar job and only had her part-time income) and had possibly recommended her to others who work there. And then she doesn't turn up.

Also not really an employee who's never late as, at this stage lodger has only had the job for a few weeks, too soon to have such reputations.

Define your boundaries for all three of you.

You and boss have a social relationship. Boss and lodger have a work boss/employee relationship. You and lodger have a co-habiting relationship.

You need to step out of anything that does NOT concern you.

If a boss or ANYONE at work contacted someone I live with (using personal information to check up on me as an employee) - I'd sue the company. And win.

The person holding legal responsibility is the boss - step away and tell her to do her job legally and professionally. And follow GDPR legislation.

Her "short cuts" because of "who she knows" will not stack up in court.

Your lodger is already well of the way to a large pay out.

Just don't add to it by being the plonker who sold her out to her illegally acting boss and that is why she doesn't owe you the past 6 months rent.

That's a new one.