How did this happen?

[Gripnot]

And does it matter?

Mixed friendship group, includes couples and singles and a man whose wife doesn't like to join us. All very relaxed and comfortable, my safe people. If I'm honest the first time in my life I've had a "tribe" where I felt I could completely relax and be myself.

Over the last 6 months or so, I find myself more and more with the single but married man. We're friends but nothing more, never message outside the group, never meet up without the group, never chat about anything emotional. We have similar work and education backgrounds and mostly talk about that.

However, recently, at the end of a tipsy evening we end up arm in arm or hand in hand. Still nothing remotely emotional, intimate or sexual going on, but it feels normal and comfortable. None of the group has ever remarked on it, including 2 women who absolutely would tell me if they thought I was out of line.

I'm not always completely sure who instigates it because it's so comfortable, but it was definitely him this weekend.

So just how bad is it to hold hands with friend at the end of an evening? Why is it happening when there's absolutely no hint of anything "romantic".

My hobby is overwhelmingly male-dominated, and some of them have become very good friends. There is no way I would do that with any of them.

The fact that you are posting on here to ask suggests you do think there is something in it. Either you feel something and hope he does too and are posting on here hoping for confirmation of this, or you suspect he fancies you. Who is initiating this? It’s absolutely not normal or appropriate in male female friendships where one or both or attached unless someone is gay

Just stop. It's inappropriate behaviour. Have some decency.

The fact you’re questioning it means you know it’s not right.

So if there’s nothing there but you are still thinking about it enough to post on MN.
Stop fooling yourself and step away from this married man.

First of all, I would just like to say I know several lovely gentlemen who would take the arm of any woman who looked a little unsteady on her feet after a few drinks, with absolutely nothing untoward behind it.
Is he just a gentleman supporting you after a few too many, or is it inappropriate?
Posting here would suggest that you consider it the latter. If so, stop trying to justify it and step away.

Only read OP but so far @Gripnot you sound like you're laying the groundwork for never planned it, just happened. It's fake naivety, etc. Don't.

@Gripnot

There’s none of that on your side, but you have no idea what is going on in his head.

You need to create distance and redefine boundaries before you break up someone’s marriage.

She means his wife doesn't go..

Yes I gathered that but still a really ridiculous way of wording it! She clearly sees him a single

But she's not really questioning it. She knows.

I’m confused, you say married but single, so is he seperated? If so doesn’t really matter does it, if you are both single do what you like 🤷🏼‍♀️

C'mon it's obvious you're in denial , otherwise why write such a long post if your group hasn't even mentioned it . Why would you need strangers' opinions about it as well ?

Holding hands, unless it’s a child, is intimate. I can’t believe you did that. Really not on.

Would you hold hands with him in front of his wife?

God you sound like my friend... She does this with married men or men in a relationship and insists for weeks there's "absolutely nothing going on" and they're just friends but it always ends up going the same way eventually

Oh op. Seriously? You don't hold hands with married men. I feel sorry for the 'group', bet everyone feels very awks. Don't be surprised if invites start petering out.

You're either v naive or a serial OW.

You don’t just accidentally hold hands with someone. Stop being so ridiculous and give the faux naivety a break. You know that holding hands with a married man is ‘a bad thing’. Stop bloody doing it.

You’re holding hands with a married man - im pretty sure his wife would not be ok with that. You dont know the reason she doesn’t come out and socialise - could be anxiety etc and imagine her finding out this information.

By all means be friends as you have been, but holding hands/arm in arm is crossing the line. You also mentioned being ‘tipsy’ which does mean you are not totally in control of your behaviour. Would you do that at the beginning of the night before drinks?

Totally out of order.

I bet the rest of the group are already uncomfortable.

"I have resolved to walk with one of the single women in the future."

Ok. And will you hold hands with her, or walk arm in arm? Just curious, since it seems to just be something you'd normally do with anyone?

FWIW I have a very close friend group and I'd never walk home hand in hand with any of the men.

Please don't insult our intelligence by asking how did this happen,like it's something that you have no control over or no part in!

It happens because you don't do anything to stop it, because you don't have respectable boundaries.

You aren't blameless here. It isn't subconscious either. Stop doing it.

There's no spark, no frission, no sexualised banter, no looks or glances, no emotional connection. It's beyond me how it happened or what "it" is.

For you**

No man would do this unless they wanted more out of it. All the others probably assume you two are at it.

Whoa there! That’s really bad. If you think people haven’t noticed or aren’t bothered about you holding hands and being all couply together then you’re deluded. They know. It’s affair territory and has gone much too far already. How did it get here? Because you wanted it to. Draw back now before someone gets really hurt.

Nothing wrong with arm in arm, in my social circle no one would bat an eyelid, but hand in hand is not right.