Changing My Name From Laura to Francesca or Lara?

[antiquesandwine]

Likely a strange post, but I want to change my name. This isn't a baby name post, but a name change advice post for me, a woman in her 30s.

My official first name is Laura. Although I've used this name for over thirty years, I have no emotional connection to it. I've never liked the sound of the name, and when I introduce myself to new people, I cringe at telling them my name. I mumble it and hope they'll forget it, which they often do anyway.

Laura was by far the most common name in my year group at school. I was known as "Laura no. 4." Nowadays, when I tell people my name, they say, "Oh, you must have been born in the 80s!" I've also recently discovered that my mother never wanted to call me Laura, but my father insisted. I'm so sorry to all the other Lauras, but I'm done with this name. There are far worse names out there, but I genuinely feel it's holding me back, personally and career-wise.

My new name options, in my mind, are either Francesca, my official middle name, or Lara, which is obviously Laura without the U. I love the fact that Francesca is a strong, timeless and pretty name, but I would insist on being called my full name, as I positively hate Fran or Frankie. While Cesca is OK, I would only want it as an occasional nickname.

I really like the name Lara, but sometimes I worry that it's a little bland and sounds like the American version of Laura! At the same time, it's cooler and less fussy than Francesca.

Any thoughts? Francesca or Lara? I love both names in a way that I've never loved Laura, but I'm terrified of making the wrong choice! Thank you.

If you go with Francesca and don't want people to shorten it just correct anyone who tries to, every time. Most people wont try to shorten it and if they do then one correction should be enough. I don't think it will be much of a problem.

When you’ve corrected people on your name for 42 years let me tell you it gets boring and tedious. I’ve said myself that a mouthful is a problem for most people. Not for me. Are you always this vile?

I have floated the idea of being called Princess Fluffy in RL and met with some resistance but Lara or Francesca seem way less controversial

DD has a friend who changed her name to a totally different one, aged about 25. All her friends were rigorous about using the new name, and we all got used to it very quickly. I would say it was the word of mouth among her friends (Oh, Jessica has changed her name to Lily now) that really helped.
As for Laura being assumed to be the '80s, is that the 1880s? Because my Gt-gt-Gran was Laura, born in 1882, and her mum, born 1859, was also Laura.

Hmm I expect what is “holding you back, professionally and personally” is the fact that you mumble your name when introduced to someone and cringe with embarrassment.

That sounds like classic social anxiety and low self esteem which a name change won’t magically fix.

In fact you may find it equally embarrassing to have to announce your new name,, answer questions about it, correct people and get a bit paranoid about people’s reactions to the new name.

So a whole set of new social anxieties.

I would change it to Francesca as you have a relationship with that name and Lara, lovely as it is, is very close to Laura and will mean endless corrections by those you already know. I know someone well who has made a minor change like this and it is difficult to remember not to say the automatic original name.All three names are lovely by the way. I think shortening is less likely when you are an adult . You will introduce yourself as Francesca and the majority of people ( who don't have overstepping boundary tendencies) will call you that.

I think I would go for Francesca because it's your middle name.

Lara is too similar to Laura and you will get a lot of people who just continue to call you Laura or ask why you're making such a fuss for the sake of one letter.

Changing to Francesca has the added benefit of not needing to change any of your official documents.

Although that said, I know someone who changed from Louise to Louisa and people seem to have got used to it easily enough.

Lara is beautiful and I really wanted it for DD - I'd definitely go with that option. It also means you can phase it in a bit as it's fairly similar to Laura. Laura is also beautiful btw but I get that you've never really liked it. I'm a very similar also very very popular 70s/80s name and one of 4 in my year at school although mine does feel quite "me".

Francesca also beautiful but it's long enough that I think people will automatically shorten it to Fran.

This comment is nuts.

There are far worse names out there, but I genuinely feel it's holding me back, personally and career-wise.

Sorry but that’s ridiculous! Change your name if it will make you happy but I think you may have some issues to work on but your name is not one of them.

I think you should change to Francesca if you wish. It's your name and if there is anything a person should like it is their own name.

My name firmly dates me as a 70s child. I like it though- or at least I don't dislike it!!

FWIW I have known a couple of women who have changed their names. One was a girl I went to school with. She was about 16 and it was just announced that 'Carly will now be known as Michelle' and everyone just got on with it. I don't think iot caused any comment. Michelle just said she hated Carly and preferred Michelle and as far as I know what was that!

Another colleague changed hers quite late in life- after her remaining parent died I think. Again there was barely any comment just 'Oh, okay then'.

Francesca is a lovely and exotic sounding name to me. It's your middle name anyway so have confidence in your choice!

I was not given a middle name, so when I was received into the Catholic Church in my thirties, (lapsed family), I started to use my Christian name and the middle saint name chosen for that.
It causes me problems as there is a discrepancy on documents, so be advised.

I know a woman who changed her first name, everyone now refers to her as <Oldname-Newname> as otherwise nobody knows who is meant. And it’s taken about 5 years for her friends to remember consistently to call her the new name rather than the old name. People try but it’s hard to remember all the time when the old name was pretty ingrained.

Will you be ok with that ?

My mum never wanted to call me Laura but my dad insisted

This is probably where all your negative associations with the name stem from and it’s worth exploring your feelings about your parents and your childhood before changing your name and expecting all your feelings to change too.

I think it was a cruel thoughtless thing to be told about your name.Did your mum tell you that?
Presumably your mum hated your dad or he was abusive or something?

You should worry, look what I'm stuck with. 😭

Personally, I like Laura. But if you are going to change it, definitely prefer Lara over Francesca. Doesn't sound bland at all. I think it's a joyful name. Makes me think of Larks and singing!

Honestly, don’t bother. I have a relative who started using her middle name in midlife, because she got fixated on her first name being awful. Nobody she already knew ever adopted the new name, they just carried on using the old one, so ever since she has had to explain to people why she is known by two different names- and you can see half of them thinking, oh for goodness sake what a silly fuss for a grown woman. It’s understandable if you’re called Myra or Fanny or something, but if you have a perfectly ordinary name then changing it really just shines a great big light on your hang-up.

Your take is incredibly strange. I tried to make my post vaguely humourous, but it appears to have gone over some people's heads.

I know 4 people who have changed their names in adult life. They didn't like their given first name and felt it didn't suit them. I never felt the need to psychoanalyse them.

Your comments are full of projections.

I’m a Laura and not once has someone said I must have been born in the 80s.

There’s a Laura at my DC’s primary school.

I would just tell people who already know me that I’ve decided to pronounce my name as Lara from now on. And switch to Lara going forward. You don’t even have to change it legally if you don’t want to - it’s perfectly ok to use Lara for work, websites, LinkedIn etc, and still have it spelled as Laura on your driving licence.

Lara. Francesca will get shortened.

I don't know anyone who changed their given name, but it's something I've been wondering about for a little while. I'd want a longer version as my official name. So if I was called Meg, and it was short for Meghan, I'd want to change Meghan to Margaret. It's for similar reasons to you: I just don't feel the connection to Meghan, I'm ok with Meg, and I really love Margaret. There are family reasons for me too, as in a relative I was named after who I abhor.

If you do it by deed poll, and you get a new passport/change your bank accounts and all that, what happens if you don't tell your parents but you are, for example, named in a will? Does anyone know, hypothetically?

Sorry op I must have missed the humour in your posts!
I thought you were being serious when you said you cringe saying your own name and you genuinely believe it’s holding you back personally and professionally?

Would the opinion (on this thread) of your preferred names have swayed your choice out of interest?

I do find it quite strange to feel hatred for your own name and change it in adult life so yes I did wonder if there were deeper issues with your esteem or identity?

Im not projecting, simply interested in the thinking behind your decision. Was it triggered by your mum revealing she never liked your name and didn’t choose it for example?

It’s a big decision and worth a bit of soul searching before you take the plunge.

To me a person grows into their name and it becomes part of who they are. I would find it difficult to adapt to using a new name for myself and see myself as a “Francesca” after 30 years with a different name. I guess you will have a slightly awkward period of adjustment for yourself and everyone you know.

I’ve certainly never formed any opinion of a person based on their name.

Of course it’s your choice and if you’re happy with changing it then have confidence in your decision.

I much prefer Lara to Francesca.

Sometimes it’s just not that deep. OP doesn’t like her name for various reasons. She might change it. She’s mentioned a couple of names she likes. That’s it really.